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Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
Oil Change Instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: • Oil Change $20.00 • Coffee $1.00 Total: $21.00 ================================================== ========== Oil Change Instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open first beer and drink it, to assess the situation. 4) Plan to jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands behind garden hoses, rakes and assorted crap. Jack up vehicle. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process, cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener. 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of storing it for recycling. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to grocery store to buy 3.2 beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. (Note that the filter companies tell you to do this just to ensure that the GASKET is actually there...) 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids' sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas over a bad patch of lawn. 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin cussing fit. 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. 36) More beer. 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 38) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. 45) Beer. 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 48) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, she makes bail. 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: • Parts $50.00 • DUI $2500.00 • Impound fee $75.00 • Bail $1500.00 • Beer $40.00 Total - - $4,165.00 But you know the job was done right!!!
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*No SVX at the moment...* 1987 Winnebago Elandan 35' 2001 Yamaha Roadstar 1600 2004 Ford Excursion Eddie Bauer, 6.0litre Power Stroke Diesel - Daily Driver. Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, scotch in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming HOOOOYA !!!!! |
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
EXACTLY!!! Id rather spend $4165 doing it myself than get my oil changed ONCE at "Iffy" Lube.
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#3
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
haha pretty good. I particularly like the hammering a screwdriver through the oil filter part, I'll have to try that sometime.
I recently went to jiffy lube, for my truck (i do all my own maintenance, but my current situation prohibits me from doing so), and it cost $40! Oil changes are getting pretty pricey if you ask me... |
#4
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
I liked the oil filter part too lol. Nice post.
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#5
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
Everybody knows there is a part of this story that deffinetly isn't true.
What woman actually brings her car in for an oil change regularly at 3000 miles?
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-Dustin 1992 Ebony LS-L w/191k miles Mods: a few and acouple more 1995 Brilliant Red L/AWD w/154k miles Mods: Stebro catback exhaust, K&N drop in filter, ECUtune ST1v5, 4.44, lots of JDM goodies 1992 Pearly LS-L w/154k miles Sold Mods: 4.11, rust 2008 DGM Legacy spec.B w/245k miles Mods: Cryotune Stage3, VF52, bushings galore, STi pink springs, Bilstein HDs My Locker The only man alive who drives three "Subu SVS's".......according to my insurance company |
#6
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
Wow what an adventure.
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1992 Subaru SVX LS-L #5045 Dark Teal 1992 Subaru Loyale Wagon Gray (SOLD) 1999 Subaru Impreza 2.5RS Coupe Black Ruby (SOLD) 1969 Subaru 360 Deluxe Ivory White 2005 Subaru Impreza WRX STi World Rally Blue 1993 Subaru Legacy L Wagon Teal Metallic (SOLD) 1998 Subaru Impreza 2.5RS Coupe Rally Blue Pearl [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] |
#7
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
Hey!! have you been spying on me
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#8
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
Cool.
I've done the screwdriver bit {it works}. And, it's ok to admit it, for the rest of us out there.
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The Worm _______________ June '91 Claret LSL #1733, Enkei RS-5's x 16", Original Paint, accompanied by Beautifully speckeled Front Bumper, Sony Audio Components, Small Car Shift Kit, "How to" Hood Lifts {Perfect}, "15 Minute Suspension Mod" Motorsport Floor Mats. Perma-Cool External T. Filter, New Front Axels {1/2008}. "Classic Radiators" unit "$36 coil alternative" and Tranny rebuild at 287k 8/2012 '05 Infinity G35 Coupe. No Mods, 33K Miles |
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
I will be 79 years old in June of this year and I change my own oil. If some day I am unable to correctly install and remove the oil filter on my SVX by grabbing it with my right hand and twisting it wearing a thin latex glove, I will be thankful to the person that came up with the screwdriver thingie!
Maybe someone should put it in a How-To?? Keith Last edited by kwren; 02-05-2009 at 02:21 PM. |
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
Does it make me a lady if I just have OT do it?
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1992 Pearl White LS-L "Ruslana" #4946 - 180k on body, 95k on engine. Mods: ECU bead crush, 15 min mod, 20 min mod, drilled/slotted rotors & Axxis ceramic brakes, SS lines, 17" Evoke F1 wheels, XS-HF137 Sony Xplod speakers, 6000k HID's (lows & fogs), resistor mod, 1½" Sleek Spoiler mod, custom exhaust by svxfiles, '02 WRX aluminum racing radiator by svxfiles, Summit Racing 400# x 300# springs w/ Koni's by svxfiles, ClassGlass fiberglass hood /w scoop, Nevin's rear sway bar, '97 grille, phenolic spacers, custom LED interior lighting, custom paint. †"War doesn't determine who is right, only who is left"† Work to be done: Tinted windows, clear/LED tail lights, tailbar mod, "Power Mode" mod, Supertone horns, clear corners & headlight lenses, 2 pc splitters or custom bumper, Alcyone side skirts, TruSpeed Stage III SVX Intake, Hydra, 4.44 tranny swap, JDM auto folding side mirrors, engine rebuild, super charger, STi seats, bone leather interior /w SVX emblem, dash overhaul, SVX decals, paint (stock color). Total cost?: 22k At least it's going down..
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#11
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
Probably not... probably just a gal
Last edited by kwren; 02-05-2009 at 11:35 PM. |
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
Quote:
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1992 Subaru SVX 5spd 1998 Pontiac Firebird Formula 1999 Chevrolet Camaro SS 2009 Subaru Forester - Mileage Junky 2009 Pontiac G8 GT 2017 Ford Mustang GT 6spd |
#13
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
Yeah, but the chance of encountering either of them is low!
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*No SVX at the moment...* 1987 Winnebago Elandan 35' 2001 Yamaha Roadstar 1600 2004 Ford Excursion Eddie Bauer, 6.0litre Power Stroke Diesel - Daily Driver. Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, scotch in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming HOOOOYA !!!!! |
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
About six years ago, a lady coworker asked me if I would take a look at her car - seems it was running a bit rough - and there was a light flickering on the dashboard. I went out to check her 1999 Honda Accord with 90,000 miles. I started it up and the first thing I noticed was the flickering dash light - it was the oil pressure idiot light. I promptly shut her off and checked the dipstick - not a drop. After buying a case from the parts store, I started filling the car up with oil. One quart in - no thing on the dipstick. Two quarts - still nothing. Three quarts - finally - oil. Approximately three and a half quarts later - a full crankcase. The Honda 2.3 4cyl takes 3.7 without oil filter change.
I told her that if the engine didn't grenade in a few months from oil starvation, the car might keep running for year but that she probably scored the cylinders real bad and that her oil consumption will probably go up. She still has the car today and it has 260,000 miles on it. And yes, it uses a quart of oil every fillup. And the reason it ran rough - the air filter was original and was so packed with crud that you couldn't see the pleats of the paper. There were dead bird remains impacted in it as well. I've always been a Honda fan and will remain one for their durability - It's usualyy our stupidity that kills em. |
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Re: Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women
Quote:
I know a few guys who don't know how to change their oil and never check their other fluids either.
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Subaru Ambassador My Locker 14.708 in the 1/4 mile pre-KillerWail '89 XT6 Pearl White~JuiceBox (Project) '92 SVX BoverP~Peej (Down for the moment) 1st Stage II trans installed by AWD,15 & 20 min mods,... |
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