Do you think Im being unreasonable?

[mysvxrocks]

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost two years, and I consider it to be very serious. So yesterday, she comes over, sits on my couch and says, I did something with my mom and best friend today. Im like... ok what.... And she says she got a tattoo. She knows that Ive always been against them, I dont like them. I really dont see the point. Its not how god made us, so why should we need to alter ourselves? Anyways... shes been really secretive this whole week, and now I found out why. She told me that everyone else said not to tell me, because I would talk her out of it. Well Im not dating everyone else, Im with her. She should have at least had the heart to tell me she was going to do it... I may not have approved then, but at least I would have known... Its not like she colored her hair or something, this is something thats permanent now. So we had a bad fight last night, and I ended up walking out of the house for about half an hour. Do you think im being over dramatic? Tell me the truth. Im not so pissed off about the tat itself anymore, but the fact that she hid it from me because she knew I am against them... I dont know what to think about it.... I needed to vent somewhere, so Im not venting at her anymore than I already have...

-Dennis

[iizbeastie]

"It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission"

I'm not sure who I'm quoting but I know it's true.

Why would you try to talk her out of it anyway? I don't really like tatoo's either but I respect others views especially when it's their body. My wife wants a tatoo and she is welcome to getting one when she figures out what she wants. I see 2 points here. 1- there have obviously been past arguments where mutual stubbornness have left her frustrated, 2- seems like a typical test on her part to see how you would react. Suggestion: be supportive and understanding, besides it may grow on you

[NikFu S.]

You do have the right to be a little angry given your beliefs, but she does have the right to alter her body in any way she sees fit without your consent.

I don't see why this should alter your relationship unless you really, really hate body art.

She didn't hide anything from you, either. She told you about it the very day she got it. She told you what her friends said. That's called trust. You need to trust her in return.

[SVXMAN2001]

I echo the views of the previous posts, like you, I would be more upset with her behavior than the actual act of having got a tattoo. I would make it clear, that open and honest communication is the foundation of a relationship, and to be able to discuss with your partner topics/subjects that the other would not normally approve of his essential, IMO.

that being said, was it a tasteful tattoo? something inconspiuous?

[iizbeastie]

Originally Posted by SVXMAN2001

that being said, was it a tasteful tattoo? something inconspiuous?

Tramp stamp??


Sorry, first response to the question.... not assuming anything about anyone...

[ensteele]

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

She didn't hide anything from you, either. She told you about it the very day she got it. She told you what her friends said. That's called trust. You need to trust her in return.

She did hide something - her intent on getting a tatoo. She followed her friends suggestions of not telling him that she was going to do it, and did not talk to him about it. Yes, she has her right to do it, but she did not talk to him about it before getting it. That is not trust, and you don't need to trust her in return. I would not be very happy at this point.

[mysvxrocks]

Yeah the tat itself isnt what botherd me most. Im pretty much over that now, Im going to have to be. And yes, it looks alright, for what it is, its got four stars, and some circles connecting them, and its on the back of her shoulder.

It was the lack of communication that bothered me. Some things will need to change with that.

[gstape]

Originally Posted by mysvxrocks

And yes, it looks alright, for what it is, its got four stars, and some circles connecting them

Almost a subaru logo

[SilverSpear]

She has NO RIGHT to do that without discussing this issue with you. And after two years if her friends have power over her in convincing her to do something without your conscent, then they are more important to her than you are to her.

If some day they convince her to go out secretly with another guy and tell you after she does it, wouldn't this be the same as doing something "forbidden" in your book?

You should put her in a tight spot and mention that fact to her. If the opinion of her friends has greater value to her, then let her be with her friends.

What if the tattoo was large enough and apparent enough to make you feel embarrassed in front of your friends and family?

That is so uncool...

[NikFu S.]

(written before his last post. was showering between writings)
There's no way we can tell if you are really being over dramatic if you don't tell us where the thing is located, how big it is, what has been drawn.

If it's like a little flower on her ankle, then man you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. If it's a massive Suicide Girls tribute on her chest then I can see where the problem lies.

She's not your wife, man, she doesn't have to tell you what she is doing and I don't hold it against her because of your stated distaste of them.

(written after)
Ok so she has some kind of emblem on the back of her shoulder. Yes, you are in my opinion being quite unreasonable.

By the way, if that is her in your profile she is quite attractive, and I can see why you would be over protective.

[Wikedjuggalo]

As far as being upset she lied yes I understand that. But you can't be mad at her wanting a tattoo that is her body and very well can do what ever she pleases with it.

Yes she should have talked to you but then again you should not attempt to control her actions. I agree with talking to you but do not be angry at that. If you are to be angry at anything let it be the fact she tried to hide it. You should sit down when you are calm and discuss how she violated your trust by not telling you.

[NikFu S.]

Originally Posted by Wikedjuggalo

Yes she should have talked to you but then again you should not attempt to control her actions.

What I'm seeing is she didn't tell him because she already knew what he would have to say.
What is the alternative, talk to him about it beforehand and get one anyway? What's worse, hiding "intent" or outright defiance? She did you and herself a favor, man.

[mysvxrocks]

I realize that its her body and that she can do what she wants. Had she told me before hand, no I wouldnt have liked it, but I would have gone with what she wanted to do. A little warning would have been nice. They arent my thing, so I wouldnt get one. She did it to do something with her mom and best friend. But I wish I would have been included. Im not mad anymore, and she knows that. She realizes that it hurt that she hid it from me, and that her friends took proirity over me. Ive told her that. So were trying to move on as if nothing happend....

And yes that is her in my profile picture

[NikFu S.]

Originally Posted by mysvxrocks

Had she told me before hand, no I wouldnt have liked it, but I would have gone with what she wanted to do.

Here is where I am confused. If you would have given your blessing so to speak, why flip out about it after the fact? Because you weren't included? Included in what, the girls day out or the decision making process (process concerning superficial areas of her body, not all processes) that you realize has very little to do with you?

Do you want to control her?

[Wikedjuggalo]

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

Do you want to control her?

Refer to my post I stated something similar. But honestly o.k she got a tattoo. Its not your cup of tea but you really want to start destroying a relationship over it?