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#1
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Canada Jokes & Humour
Three men were traveling in Europe and happened to meet at a bar in London. One man was from England, one from France and one from Canada. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives.
The guy from England began by saying: "I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do the cooking. Well the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home from work, the table was set, a wonderful dinner was prepared with wine and even dessert." Then the man from France spoke up: "I sat my wife down and told her, that from now on she would have to do all the shopping, and also do the cleaning. The first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home, the whole house was spotless, and in the pantry the shelves were filled with groceries. The fellow from Canada was married to an enlightened woman from Toronto... He sat up straight on the bar stool, pushed out his chest and said: "I gave my wife a stern look and told her, that from now on she would have to do the cooking, shopping and housecleaning. Well the first day I saw nothing. The second day I still saw nothing. But on the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye ..." |
#2
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Canada vs USA
President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to
invade next, when his telephone rang. "Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. "Dis is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland. Canada, eh? "I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on you, eh!" " Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Archie, after a moment's calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" George paused. "I must tell you Archie, that I have ONE MILLION men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Archie?", George asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, 3 fishing boats, 2 harpoon boats, a trawler with radar and Harry's farm tractor." President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, tha t I have 6,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!" George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie, "I'll have ta call youse back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners." |
#3
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What Country Should the US Invade Next!
I'd try to comment but I'm laughing too much
An Australian interviews Americans on the next possible invasion... http://loosers.hn.org/www/wwiiol/waronterror.wmv |
#4
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Haha, good one!
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David B. SVXipedia @ SVX-IW.COM -- SVX Information Warehouse 2.0 coming...eventually! Ebony 1992 SVX LS-L 5 spd Koni/GC Stebro 187k miles RIP (Rust In Pieces) 1993 SVX 5 spd Koni/GC Stebro Polyurethane bushings still available! |
#5
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I can't believe no one commented on how screwed up the map was...
-Chike
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"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato 2013 Cosmic Blue 5spd Evo X GSR 2006 Galaxy Gray 6MT RX-8 (sold) 2006 Steel Gray WRX TR (sold) 1996 Brilliant Red SVX L (sold) |
#6
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That's what was so funny!
"I didn't realise how much bigger North Korea is than South Korea"
__________________
David B. SVXipedia @ SVX-IW.COM -- SVX Information Warehouse 2.0 coming...eventually! Ebony 1992 SVX LS-L 5 spd Koni/GC Stebro 187k miles RIP (Rust In Pieces) 1993 SVX 5 spd Koni/GC Stebro Polyurethane bushings still available! |
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