Idiot sightings

[svxcess]

'

Just a little humor to brighten those dreary days...



IDIOT SIGHTING
I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I’m sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."

When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....


IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “it’s open!”

His reply: “I know. I already got that side.”

-- Ford dealership in Canton , MS



IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a “large” enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, “NO, its not..” Four is larger than two.”

--We haven’t used Sears repair since.



IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, “you gave me too much money.” I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.”
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

--Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.



IDIOT SIGHTING
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”

--Kingman, KS


IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.”

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

-- From Kansas City



IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?”
To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?”
He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That”s why we ask.”

--Birmingham, Ala.



IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”

--She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS



IDIOT SIGHTING
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to “downsizing,”
Our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun. We should do this more often.”

Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

--This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
And for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

--Deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.


IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child”s name?
"Le-a"
Leah??........NO
Lee - A??....NOPE
Lay - a??....NO
Lei?? .........Guess Again.

This child attends a school in Kansas City, MO and her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.

It's pronounced "Ledasha".

When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."





SO, if you see something come across your desk like this, please remember to pronounce the dash.

And if dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.


STAY ALERT!
They walk among us......and they VOTE!


.

[svxfiles]

After i moved to WV in 1992 I was telling this BIG fella a series of WV jokes...

After about five jokes he said;
HEY! I wuz born and raised here...


I thought about that,
took a chance,
and said;

OK, I'll just tell you
r e a l
s l o w !








Not sure if he thought it was funny, but I'm still here.

[ensteele]

I made a comment about a local town that has a large population of commercial fishermen.

I said "the only people who live in Anacortes are fishermen and prostitutes"

A person who heard the comment said "Hey, my mother lives in Anacortes!"

I quickly asked "what boat does she fish on?"

[svxfiles]

Talk about dodging a bullet!

[Landshark]

Originally Posted by svxcess

'


IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, “you gave me too much money.” I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.”
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

--Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

i constantly try to stop my wife from giving the change at drive-thru windows.

her: "why not?
me: "i don't want to be here for another 20 minutes."

[1986nate]

Originally Posted by Landshark

i constantly try to stop my wife from giving the change at drive-thru windows.

her: "why not?
me: "i don't want to be here for another 20 minutes."

I must not be far enough south... or east for that matter... I give the extra change all the time and they figure it out. Sometimes if I don't have the "right" amount of change, say the ammount is $4.17, i'll still give $5.25 or $5.20 so it's less change and never had an issue like that.

[svxcess]

The new cash registers take all the guesswork out of it. Once the bill rings up, enter the amount tendered and it shows you the exact change. No math.

The only "hard" decision they need to make is do you want a $1.00 bill, or a specific combination of change.


.

[Landshark]

Originally Posted by 1986nate

I must not be far enough south... or east for that matter... I give the extra change all the time and they figure it out. Sometimes if I don't have the "right" amount of change, say the ammount is $4.17, i'll still give $5.25 or $5.20 so it's less change and never had an issue like that.

I've done it enough times to know that when they give the deer-in-the- headlights look, and drool starts to form in the corner of their mouth, you're going to be sitting there for a while as they try to do the simple math...........

"That's $4.37"
<hands over $5.37>
"Ughhhhhhhhh............"
"Oh n0s."

[mikecg]

IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”


I'm adding that one to my California has brail on the highway for blind people joke.