So, yeah...I think my life is over...

[svxfiles]

From 1987 till 2001, I was living with, and then faithfully married to the mother of my children, and the woman I was in love with ...I can now only use this term in the past tense...

And trust me, I am WAY past tense!!!!!!

After a time, she was admitedly and actively "dating",
it is not easy to admit that you have chosen badly.

I gave her time to reconsider, to come to her senses, to come back to me.

It did not happen.

I took the high road.

It is very rocky, the air is thin, there are many dangers along it's path, unseen by those who have not traveled it's length.

It is easy to fall.

It would be easier than to keep going.

But you have babies.

So you have to keep going.

Be strong, in two years things will be different..

[Darksied-X]

Well...thanks for all your help guys..but it's over...

She finally admited tonite that she did indeed have an affair with him. And I just can't go on living my life with her knowing that...

Thanks again everyone.

[n00b on demand]

I'm really sorry to hear that man. Were all here for you. When i was going through relationship problems thats the ONLY thing that helped me get through the tough times. Just knowing that i had people there for me. Ya gotta remember one thing....keep your head up and be strong. Your kids are going to need you to be that way. Before my dad passed away when i was 12 that was the one thing he kept telling me on his deathbed. He always would look at me when i left his hospital room and he would say " no matter what happens you must always move on and keep being strong...you will thank yourself later" and you know what its true....because i tried my hardest to be strong i am such a better person today. I feel like i can deal with almost anything and im only 20 yrs old. I cant even imagine how rough this is for you but thats really the only thing i can say because i cant put myself in your situation. Just take a deep breath and take it day by day and be strong.

[n00b on demand]

You know a girl that was seeing at work played me. Its funny how our work schedules worked out so that after everything went down we never saw eachother. But tomrorow im gonna be working with her in the store in the morning. And everytime ive seen her at work since stuff went down she acts like nothing ever happened....tried to act nice and smile all the time. And im like WTF nothing is the same and never cant be. I cant go on trying to be her friend and be nice to her knowing what she did to me u know. She doesnt seem to get that though. So just to be the nice guy that I am I just smile and say hello....i REALLY liked her alot....sometimes i think i cant just stop talking to her because i enjoyed being with her so much. I guess little by little things will get back to normal.

[Rd96SVX]

Jeff,
I'm glad you have come to a decision, may it be the best for you(and more importantly, your girls) I know this has been and still is hard on you, but hang tough.. you have a support group here some 3000 strong and growing. We will continur to be here for you and I will be praying hard for you the next few months.. I know first hand they can be hell, but after it really is over and done, you can start healing and moving on.. and THAT is a great feeling. Might I suggest keep going to church as well. Many churches also have support groups and counselors that are more than happy to talk to you and pray with you. Take care or yourself and keep us in the loop, we are very much here(this thread) specifically for you.

[ensteele]

Jeff

After reading your post, I am numb to the core. It sounds much like what I went through. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I agree that it took a lot of courage to write that. I can tell where you are coming from and the hurt that you are feeling. You are in my prayers and I hope you can come to some solution to this. Just remember that there are some true friends here even though some of us have not met face to face.

This is my first time reading this thread, and as a young man (very young man, aged 20), all I can say is that it struck me pretty hard. I do not mean to thread-hijack in anyway, but I am going through something quite similar at this point in time.

My situation is less complex, as my significant other and myself do not have any children, or a house, or a marriage. However, we have been together for 2.5 years, we've been through thick and thin, and I love her dearly.

We have had a functional long-distance relationship for more than 6 months. We have survived her distant schooling during the summers. I have left a great career to move back home to her. We have left home together to live and grow with each other in Seattle.

I would give anything to have our love for each other stay for the rest of time. But things have been thick and cloudy and dangerous lately.

She has always had a problem with other boys being attracted to her. It is other guy, after other guy, after other guy. And for some reason, despite my disapproval, she still hangs out with these guys... These guys who, if not for their initial "like" for my lover, would not give the slightest of a care for her. She would just be another girl to them - both unattended-to and uncared-for.

There has been one guy, though, that has been increasingly troublesome. It used to be that I did not trust the boys she was with, but recently it turned to me not trusting her.

She was at his house one night until 5:30 am.

She was there the next night until 1:30 am.

A week later she lied to me about where she was, stating she was with one of her other friends (who is gay), but she was actually with this boy... Until about 1:30 am.

We argued about this guy. We have argued about all the stupid guys here and there. I told her that if she "can't be all about me, I don't know how it will be a two-way street." Her response was to leave the room, and sleep in her own bed that night: In other words, she was actually offended that I said that.

Anyway, not long thereafter I told her "I am unsure how much longer I can date a person who treats me like this." Through all the wonderful times and the bad times, despite all my incredible love for her, it has to come to this. I said that I did not want to leave her, because I love her more than anything or anyone else in my life, but she is not giving me many options...

Anyhow, **** has been really really difficult, as we do live together in an apartment. On top of it, we both know that this crap shouldn't be happening, so we are still acting as though we are "dating." Hugging, kissing, sleeping in the same bed, watching movies together, going out to dinner, etc.

I think it is ultimately because she agrees with me. She has openly agreed that she was being ridiculous, and that I deserve better treatment. She thinks that she is the selfish one, and that she needs time on her own - without someone to depend on - so that she can be "scared." So that she can experience what it is like without someone like me. So that she can realize what she has taken for granted.

It sounds great and all, and almost as though we have worked things out as much as possible, but how do you trust a girl who is at a boy's house, one who likes her nonetheless, all the damn time? How do you look at her the same, whether she has had a meaningful affair or not? How can you come to grips with the situation, when the ****ing bastard sends her flowers immediately after the breakup? How do you refrain from killing the man, when everytime he wants to see her for a "quick minute," she does nothing but comply?

These are all things that I ask myself everyday. Things that I ask myself with the best of intentions for the both of us, not just for myself.

My situation is a smidgen better than yours, sorry to compare, but I do understand what you are going through. Both through this relationship, and a lesser one whereupon I was cheated.

I am deeply sorry, and despite the obvious differences, I feel as though I can relate. My love goes to you and your wife and your children. Take care of yourself. I'm trying my hardest, and everyday it seems to hurt more and less... Better at times, worse at others. Take it easy, take a vacation, and learn to love yourself without your significant other. These are the steps I have been told to take, and I will of course pass them on.

Speaking of vacation, that is exactly what I am doing... It's what we're both doing. I am going back to my parents house in CA for the summer. All my things are going into storage, and I am not going to work for a few months. I need to relax. I need to forget about food. Forget about rent. Forget about having to be on time. Forget about this meeting and that deadline. My life needs some order, and I think that is an excellent place to start (at least for a young'n like me).

Once again, take care, and all my love and thoughts and empathy go to you. If you ever want to call and talk, please do not be afraid. I would very much like to hear from you. (206) 295-9789

- Garrett

[Darksied-X]

Right now, the hardest part, and most dangerest part is, that, if she should ask to come back into my life, like she was hinting at on the phone last night, I honestly don't know what I would say. People make mistakes, and have managed to rebound from them.

I guess what it really comes down to is trust and love. Will I ever be able to trust her again unless I'm with her every waking second? Probably not. And will she ask to come back because she loves me, and no other reason? Probably not.

Still, it haunts me...

[huck369]

Originally Posted by Darksied-X

Right now, the hardest part, and most dangerest part is, that, if she should ask to come back into my life, like she was hinting at on the phone last night, I honestly don't know what I would say. People make mistakes, and have managed to rebound from them.

I guess what it really comes down to is trust and love. Will I ever be able to trust her again unless I'm with her every waking second? Probably not. And will she ask to come back because she loves me, and no other reason? Probably not.

Still, it haunts me...

Definitely don't let her come back right away, make her wait a while and see if here attitude changes any over a bit of time, if she REALLY wants to come back, she'll wait a while and give YOU time to decide what you want to do, I made my wife wait about a month when she started saying she wanted to come back, as I was unsure of weather or not it was a good ideal to take her back, as I REALLY didn't want to have to go through her leaving again...but she stayed persistant, and stuck to wanting to come back without wavering, so I finaly decided it was worth the chance, but could tell from her actions, she truely wanted to be back.

You're in my prayer, hope everything works out for the best, which may, or may not be with her.

[Darksied-X]

Originally Posted by huck369

Definitely don't let her come back right away, make her wait a while and see if here attitude changes any over a bit of time, if she REALLY wants to come back, she'll wait a while and give YOU time to decide what you want to do, I made my wife wait about a month when she started saying she wanted to come back, as I was unsure of weather or not it was a good ideal to take her back, as I REALLY didn't want to have to go through her leaving again...but she stayed persistant, and stuck to wanting to come back without wavering, so I finaly decided it was worth the chance, but could tell from her actions, she truely wanted to be back.

You're in my prayer, hope everything works out for the best, which may, or may not be with her.

The most difficult part of that, which I haven't really discussed yet, is that no matter what ends up happening, I'm going to have to see her everyday, for God only knows how long. I work 50hrs a week, and I can't be here to sent them to school, or be here when they get home. And unfortunately, she's the only person I have to fall back on for these duties.

Having to see her everyday is going to make the healing process that much more difficult. Much like now, I won't know whether to kiss her or slap her. And regardless of what may happen, there is no possible way I could ever forgive her for this. She violated me in a way no person ever should. I just need to wait it out, and see what emotion is stongest. But, I have a feeling I know which one...

[GreenMarine]

Originally Posted by Darksied-X

Entirely possible. She did admit to me that several weeks ago that she went out to lunch with a guy from her gym, but that absolutely nothing happened. If there is someone else, I doubt she would ever admit it. My prior girlfriend before her cheated on me, and I told her that if she ever did that to me, no matter the circumstances, we were through. I'd like to say that I know her well enough that she wouldn't do that, but she's just been gone so much lately with no real reason.

What is it with girls nowdays??? I mean damn..... Aren't guys suppose to be the unstable ones that are always looking at other people... Apparently not nowdays... EVERY girlfriend that I have had (Except my last one) has cheated on me .... It really really hurts to see someone that you really care about (dare I say love?) just completly disregard your feelings and turn their back on you. I made that comment about "Love" because I don't believe that I have ever been "in love" before... My belief is that Love is a shaired feeling... One person can't be "in love"... That would be "in Lust"... Anyway... I just can't believe girls nowdays... They seem to want to not commit as much as the guys (of course there are exceptions)... I don't think I will get married anytime soon .... I feel that I need to really live with a girl for a while before we took a step like that... It is so important to really know your spouse nowdays ... I don't know... I'm just rambling now... Good luck man... Just try to make it as easy on your kids as possible... Be there for them... Don't tell them that "mommy is a dirty *****" or something like that... That can do so muchj damage to kids down the road... Hell, that's what my mom told me when my parents split up You'll be alright man... We are here for ya

[newsvx]

Originally Posted by Darksied-X

The most difficult part of that, which I haven't really discussed yet, is that no matter what ends up happening, I'm going to have to see her everyday, for God only knows how long. I work 50hrs a week, and I can't be here to sent them to school, or be here when they get home. And unfortunately, she's the only person I have to fall back on for these duties.

Having to see her everyday is going to make the healing process that much more difficult. Much like now, I won't know whether to kiss her or slap her. And regardless of what may happen, there is no possible way I could ever forgive her for this. She violated me in a way no person ever should. I just need to wait it out, and see what emotion is stongest. But, I have a feeling I know which one...

Jeff,
Just take your time. A bummer, for sure, but I would suggest the what Huck mentioned. She has got to WANT to come back for all the right reasons before you accept her back.
Our prayers and thoughts are with you, Jeff! Do hang tough, and take care of those girls - and please don't bad-mouth their mother to them. That would be terrible for them in the long run.
Harry

[SVXRide]

Originally Posted by newsvx

Frankly, Jeff, I would not print off the entire thread for your wife to read. For a couple of reasons:
1) she "may" resent you sharing so much with your friends and not her (at least initially)
2) I think a letter would have more impact on (and meaning to) her, because it would be something you obviously had to sit down and put some thought into.

Just my thoughts - But I would write the letter regardless. Just writing the letter will focus your thoughts and feeling about the situation, and you's feel much better whether you give it to here or not.

Harry

Jeff,
I'm with Harry on both points.
-Bill

[Darksied-X]

Too late, she already has it in her hands. I figured at this point, what more damage could be done.

[Darksied-X]

I'm so confused at this point, more than anything. I still don't know what to do with myself. I still want her back, dearly. People have made it throuth this before, so I know it can be done. I just know that I'll never be able to forgive her, despite whats happens. Plus, I'm afraid that everytime I touch her, or hold her, I'll feel him.

I think at this point, I'm at least going to try going to marriage counseling with her, just for the sake of it. Just give it some time, and see where life and my emotions lead me. Even after this, deep down, I don't think I'm ready to give her up. But, she will need to realize that I can't forgive her, and still me able to love me before I can take her back. And I don't think that will happen.

And yes, I know there are several of you that think I'm making the wrong decision, that I'm only asking for more trouble. And, you maybe right. Only time will tell. And I have a lot of time right now, so what will a few weeks of marriage counseling really hurt? Deep down, I have to follow what my heart tells me to.