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  #31  
Old 04-25-2005, 01:15 PM
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Wink

listen to some of the advice given in here cause lots of it is very good and as you can see, everyone has their hard trials in life. your not alone at all. i say read over some advice and feel alittle better knowing theres people out there that will listen and care, then take the SVX out for a nice adrenaline pumping ride down some paved(or gravel if you prefer) backroad and blow off a little steam.(don't hurt the subie!!) trust me.
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  #32  
Old 04-26-2005, 08:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by huck369
Jeff,
I was were you are a year and a half ago.
So I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better.
My wife and I got back together, but she didn't want to come back till I finally got up off my butt, and started trying to move on with my life without her.
I think that is what made her see what she was letting go, and made her realize what a mistake she was making.
She actually had to beg me to let her come back, and it was the hardest decision I ever had to make, as, for all I knew she'd turn around and leave again (something I didn't want to go through again), but I ended up letting her come back.
Now it’s a bit better, as we saw a counselor for several months, got us to communicate better.
But every morning when I wake up, I have to wonder, “Will she leave me today”?

I sometimes wonder if I made the right decision, but some days, I’m sure that I did.

I’ll keep you in my prayers.

That was beautiful, Amen.
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  #33  
Old 04-26-2005, 09:35 PM
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Allow me to offer the married woman's perspective.
It is indeed a two-way street in any relationship.
I was there about 18 months ago.... I was bored and frustrated and distracted and ready to go.
My solution? Bought a parts car and spent three months tearing it apart. Sounds silly, but working on that car together "fixed" my broken mental state towards my hubby.
Obviously the same thing may not work for you, but that general idea might.... just my 2 cents.
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  #34  
Old 04-26-2005, 11:10 PM
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Michelle - was it a bonding thing that happened, or was it just working together on a project?
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  #35  
Old 04-26-2005, 11:25 PM
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We're here to listen.......

I hope everything works out the best for ya.
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  #36  
Old 04-27-2005, 12:37 AM
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Hi,

Well, there is some great advice in here for you. I was moved. I am moved. Some Network 'regulars' took time to share their stories. Interesting don't you think. Some of the most helpful and happy friends we have here, have experienced pain and discomfort. That's why they are helpful and happy. They survived and thrived. The truth is, life is full of joy and sorrow. Hopefully, we are blessed with more joy than sorrow. We appreciate the great things in our lives even more when we have experienced the sorrow.

Wow Huck. Did you see that Legacy he fixed for his daughter? Did you see the smile on her face? Why does Earl have those nice cars? Well did you see what he said, it's as much about his son than it is about him. His son, those cars, this Net, his school, that's his family. And all the others that posted, what a gift to us all. This Net is about spreading joy and happiness. People have questions, people have answers, people have needs, people have parts, etc, etc. People that really care, care because it brings joy. Truth is, we all need more joy.

I agree, nothing can be said to make you feel better, but maybe this. We live in a different world today then when I was young. Lots of families go through a reorganization, for lack of a better word. You will be surprised when you realize that your girls are there for you, not you for them.

If your wife wants to leave, sit down with her and the kids and let mommy tell them about it. Be supportive. Help her pack her bags. Go to her place and help her move in. This is a very painful time for you. You will shed many tears. You will wail! Everyone says it will get better, but it's too dark to see. So, take time to decide what do you want to be on the other side? This is survivable. I guarantee it. You can grow or you can wither. Be someone that your girls want to share time with. Be someone your wife wants to talk to.

I'm not judging here, so don't go there. Just food for thought, okay? So, if you have a temper, why? Fix that, it's not attractive. Why is Porn your antidrug? For some here, Subarus, any kind of Subaru, are the anti-drug. Use this time to figure out who you are. It's your opportunity, not hers!

My wife and I agreed to separate two years ago, twenty years and four kids later. Don't feel sorry for us, we are all okay. If fact, my life is better than ever. I found out who I was, I grew and what a surprise, I found the real love/loves of my life. And there are no hard feelings, no time for that. I spoke with my ex for 30 minutes today bragging about our children!

And like Michelle, the boys and I are having fun bonding with our project car. Find out what you enjoy, and go do it. Make some new friends, take some chances. That's how many of us got here.

Who were you ten years ago? Who will you be ten years from now?

Someone sent this to me today. I didn't know why, but now reminded of it, here it is after a quick edit. Maybe someone will enjoy it.

KING ARTHUR AND THE WITCH

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals, so his life was not taken. Therefore, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question is; what do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. However, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

The prince returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. Nevertheless, the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants, she answered ... is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and Arthur's life would be spared.

Therefore, it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. However, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer, beautiful during the day or night? Lancelot pondered the predicament. A beautiful woman to show off to his friends during the day, but at night in the privacy of his castle an old witch? On the other hand, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments?

What would YOU do?
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now, what is the moral to this story?
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  #37  
Old 04-27-2005, 01:39 AM
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This is another example of what a wonderful family we have here. As I read the replies to Darksied-X from all of you, I find strength and comfort myself. I am sure all of you feel the same pain or joy when a member experiences LIFE and whatever curves in the road that we come to. This car that was named SVX, has been a blessing to me, my son, and so many others here. I can only try to give back what I receive. Why do I have so many of these wonderful cars? Well, the truth is, I never want to be without one and drift away from this group of people I consider family.
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  #38  
Old 04-27-2005, 12:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ensteele
Michelle - was it a bonding thing that happened, or was it just working together on a project?
It was an opportunity for me to realize exactly how good I had it and how great my husband was. As you know, he's not nearly "into" this car stuff as I am, but he was happy to have to leave his truck outside most of the winter while we tore that other car apart. Gave me a wake-up call and an sorely-needed attitude adjustment.
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'94 LS-L - pearlie - 92K miles

*still have '92 parts*
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  #39  
Old 04-27-2005, 03:35 PM
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And the good ol' SVX was involved in this great experience!
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  #40  
Old 04-27-2005, 04:02 PM
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Hey EJ, I feel you hurt and anger. I went through somting like what you are facing. After 10 years and a raising her child from 1 year old she left. I concider him to be my son and he consider me his father. It was very hard to get through each day for me without my son. It took me over a year to pull myself together. I did not want to listen to anyone about it. You have a great head start on the situation by gettin it out into the open.

Do not keep anything bottled up and remain calm and cool tempered when you talk with her. It makes all the difference in the world.

I saw at the bottom of you signature the quote: "Weekends are for drunks, do drugs." -Dwayne Stomp
Here is the link to the audio http://www.98online.com/twisted/stomp.wav
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  #41  
Old 04-27-2005, 09:13 PM
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What would YOU do?
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now, what is the moral to this story?[/QUOTE]



Master the phrase, "Yes, Dear", & the old witch'll remove her hair rollers for you before going to bed.

Ron (Been there, done that).
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  #42  
Old 04-27-2005, 09:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron Mummert
Master the phrase, "Yes, Dear", & the old witch'll remove her hair rollers for you before going to bed.

Ron (Been there, done that).
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  #43  
Old 05-23-2005, 09:46 AM
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One Month Update...

When I originally started this thread, I thought my life had sunk to the lowest it could...I was wrong...the past week has been a living hell...I now know the truth...

The day after I started this thread, she came home from work to find me with my bags packed, ready to go. But, she said she couldn't do it, she wasn't ready to give everything up, and she took me back. And for the next few weeks, things seemed to be going good again. We spent more time together, doing things together, and she started seeing a therapist to try to take care of her own problems, before we would see a marriage counselor to work on our problems. I honestly thought everything was looking brighter...until last Monday.

I came home to what I thought would be another nice evening with my family. I was home for about 15min before she dropped the bomb. She had seen her therapist that day, and he agreed with her, that she needed time alone to figure her own life. So, I packed my clothes, and went to my parents house for the week. It was sheer torture. I didn't see her at all that week, save for the night she had to work and I took care of the girls. But I drove by the house several times a night, and spend every night on the phone with her, crying my heart out, pleading to take me back. I know it probably wasn't the best thing to do, and I know some members here are going to think I'm a pussy for doing it, but it was what I had to do to go on.

Then, she called me at work on Friday. She was ready to work things out with me, permanently, but there was some things I needed to help her feel happier about spending her life with me. She wanted us to buy a motorcycle (I don't like them), wanted us to get tatoos together (hate them too), wanted us to drink together more (not real big on that), and try smoking pot together (hate that the most), and travel more (which is great so long as I'm with my family), among some other easier things. I said the pot was out of the question, but I would work on the rest. But, that was enough for me, I was getting my family back. That was all I cared about. Then, I got the call...

"My name is #### (didn't catch her name because she said it too fast, didn't know her, either). Write this down: 39 **** St. Your wife has been sleeping with another man for several months." *click*

I've never lost it like that in my life. I just said "I need to go" and walked out of work. My entire body was numb, I screamed back home from work, it seemed like an eternity. She wasn't there when I got there, so I went to that street. The only thing I could think about the entire time was how much I was going to enjoy ripping him limb from limb with my bare hands, and the look on her face as she watched. I've never felt sheer rage like that in my life...never. She wasn't there either. I couldn't find the house, but I was just looking for her car. So I called her, and tracked her down.

I'll never forget that look on her face when I asked her was who lived at that house, it told me all I needed to know. We went back home, and spent the rest of the day talking, and screaming, and crying, and getting answers. She admited to me that yes, she had been seeing him, but that he was merely a friend, and nothing more ever happened. But when she said it, she had the exact same look she gave to me all the times in the past I had asked her if there was someone else, something she needed to tell me. I knew there was more she wasn't telling me. But, I was not ready to throw away my family over a simple friendship. So, I agreed to stay, but things would be different. There would be no more ultimatums to me, and we would once and for all seek marriage counseling, and she would be doing this because she loves me, and wants to be with me, no other reasons.

Even thought we had decided to stay together, it was rough. Even though she said they were just friends, it still bothered me, and we still fought about it a lot Friday night and Saturday. The more she talked, the more I became suspicous. She had a concert to go to that night, and when she left, I went to work. I'm not proud of what I did next, but I needed to do it. She forgot her cell phone, so I went through it, and cross referenced all that numbers in it to all the numbers on that street. I found him. And I called him, and he didn't even have the guts to talk to me, he just hung up. But, it gave me an idea, since I now knew who he was. When she got home, I called her bluff. I said I talked to him, and that he said they had slept together. She said either I was lying, or he was, because nothing ever happened. That made me feel a bit better, but something was still wrong. We argued some more, cried some more, then went to sleep.

The next morning was it, what I can dare was is the worst day of my life. I woke up to her fully dressed, telling me she needed to go for a walk, and she left. So of course, I jumped up and went out to wait for her. When she got back, she was noticably upset. I asked why, she said because she's going to miss him, that it's harder than she thought to not think about him. I asked her why, she couldn't answer. The pieces started to fit. I asked her if she loved him, she couldn't answer. I asked her if she loved him more than me, she couldn't answer. I asked her if deep in her heart, without thinking about anything else, me, the kids, her family, did she want to be with him more than me. She couldn't answer...All she would tell me was that if I couldn't deal with it, she would be the one to go this time, not me. She couldn't take everything away from me and my girls, because of her own problems.

Now it had gone beyond sex, and I couldn't deal with it. I spent the next hour telling her that if thats what she wanted, then go, because I couldn't spend my life giving my heart to someone who's heart belonged to someone else. I couldn't live a lie anymore. She didn't say much besides "I don't know" and "Sorry". I lost it again, I took off, I needed to think alone. At some point, I had told her about my rage, and my desire to hurt him. During those times, I also discovered that he had a motorcycle, tatoos, enjoyed drinking, and traveling. Big surprise.

She called me, and told me that I didn't want to confront him, he was a black belt and bigger than me, he'd kick my ass. Besides, he was innocent. Innocent men, real men, don't mess around with married women! I finally said F it!, I'm going to go and prove who was the better man! She told me if I didn't get back home right now, the cops would be waiting for me at his place. Common sense took over again, and I returned, because I promised my girls I would take them to church, and I didn't want to loose the last thing I had over stupidity. But I didn't expect church to be so difficult.

I've never been much of a religious man, I just have my own funny beliefs about God and what not. My wife and girls wanted to go, and I figured if it would help save my family, it was worth it. However, even though we had been a few time, this was the first time I went back to the church we had been married at, since we were married. The last time I was in that building, it was the happiest day of my life, now it was the worst. It didn't help that the sermon was about relationships, and that most everything that was said got me crying again. It also didn't help that her entire family was there, and they knew everything. They were on my side competely, yet were saying nothing, just an uncomfortable, unbearable silence. After I took all I could, I waited outside in the rain for them.

I was just standing in the corner of the parking lot by myself, in tears, and they were all talking to my wife. I over heard my moms-in-law ask her what she was going to do if she left, and I couldn't take it anymore. I turned around and screamed "She's going to go live with her ****ing boyfriend!', and I threw her keys at her, and started walking. They all pleaded for me to come back, but I couldn't, I just had to keep going, I had to walk away. She caught up with me around the corner, but I just kept walking. She said she needed to talk, but I had nothing left so say. I ditched her on a side road, so she called my cell. I shut it off. I just kept walking, for what seemed like an eternity. About 2hrs later, she finally tracked me down, and said she needed to talk to me, that she couldn't let it end like this. So, we talked. She said once again that nothing happened, and that she wanted to rebuild our life. She would never see him again, she would never take off on me again, and we would finally attend marriage couseling together. And this is were I am now.

I am literally shattered in 2 right now, and I have no idea which path to follow. Do I trust the complete stranger that apparently knows more about my life than I do, who at this time is 75% correct, and simply 25% unconfirmed. Or, do I trust my wife, who I love very much, but who has been lying too me for too long, and has hurt me more than anymore else ever could. I simply don't know if I can go on giving someone my heart and soul, when I feel deep down that it belongs to someone else. Will I always feel that when I touch her, or make love to her, that she desires him. I feel right now, from the conversations we've had this weekend, particularly yesterday, that she's just staying with me because it's whats right for the family, and because she doesn't want to cause me anymore pain. But deep down in her heart, I think she loves him more than me, and wants to be with him more than me, even though she says it'll never work between them.

I'm still with her right now, but I don't no how much longer I will be. But for the time being, I'm not going to jeopardize my children's family simply because of hunches and suspicions. I'm just going to take each day at a time, and attend counseling (both marriage and personally) and church, in hopes that they can fix what I have been unable to. And, I'm going to try to track down my good sumaritan, maybe she can give me closure on this, one way or another...

And one more thing, before anyone says it again. Anyone that thinks I'm doing this for pity, or just to whine about it, your wrong. I'm doing this so that those here that have concern for me will know I'm still doing okay, at least as okay as possible. I'm doing to to draw strength and sound advice from those same friends in my greatest time of need. I'm doing it because getting it out is better than keeping it in. And finally, I'm doing it so that if, God forbid, anyone else is in, or should find themselves in this situation, they will be able to also utilize this sound advice, as well as learn from my own mistakes.



CLIFF NOTES: My wife is a dirty, cheating, lying, heartless *****. And now my heart is broken in two, and I don't know which side to listen to...
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Last edited by Darksied-X; 05-23-2005 at 09:51 AM.
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  #44  
Old 05-23-2005, 10:08 AM
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huck369 huck369 is offline
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Jeff....
I feel for you deeply, I can relate somewhat after my incedent, but not the exact same circumstances..

If you ever need to talk, you can give me a ring (606-677-0994 evenings)....or if you need to get away for a while, th eDragon Meet is the weekend after next, and I know there are a couple guys that have room for you, you'd get to drive a great road, and hang with some good people....but it is a long way from Maine..

I'll keep you and your family in my Prayers
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  #45  
Old 05-23-2005, 10:31 AM
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SVXRide SVXRide is offline
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Jeff,
First off, it took a lot of guts to post what you just did.
Second, there are a couple of questions that you might want to consider before moving forward:

1. do you - in your heart - love your wife?
2. do you - in your heart - trust your wife?
3. does your wife share your values about raising your kids?
4. does your wife's behavior over the last year reflect the way she has behaved over all the years you've known here or does it reflect a significant change?

Hang in there!
-Bill
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