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What you all have been waiting for
Subject: FW: DARWIN AWARDS
An annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. Yes, these are all true. And the nominees this year in reverse order are: 6. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister. 5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles. 4. A 22-year-old, <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 /Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma." 3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized. 2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers. AND THE WINNER..... 1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course. Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
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Mitch Hansen
"uncamitzi" This is a Dark Ride 92 Teal SVX LS-L 128K tranny swap with 4.11's Well.. my days of not taking you seriously have certainly come to a middle . |
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Nice.
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#3
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that's the funniest thing i've read all month, mitch!
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Kenneth 1997 Subaru SVX LSi "Svetlana" #185 of 640 - 09/1996 - Polo Green Pearl - 34k miles 1992 Subaru SVX LS-L "Everett" #8738 - 01/1992 - Ebony Pearl - 139k miles - 5MT shifty - Sold 07/31/2011 1992 Subaru SVX LS-L "Sven" #1599 - 05/1991 - Claret - 168k miles - Traded 05/11/2005 2023 Subaru Crosstrek Limited CVT - Crystal White Pearl - 2.8k miles 2021 Subaru Forester 2.5i Limited CVT - Horizon Blue Pearl - 17k miles 2023 Volkswagen Jetta S 6MT - Pure White - 2.6k miles 2020 Hyundai Ioniq Limited EV - Ceramic White - 30k miles |
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God..... I cringed as soon as I started reading about the golf balls washing incodent... That's terrible....
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2020 Subaru Outback Touring - Wife's first Subaru 2005 Volvo V70R - 5-cylinder love! :Heart: ** SOLD **1998 Subaru Legacy 2.5GT Wagon - MOST RELIABLE car I've ever owned ** SOLD **2006Subaru WRXSTi (Former "Boxer4Racing.com / Continential Tire" STi) - Built EJ22t block / EJ207 JDM STi "big port heads" - 9,000rpm MONEY PIT!!! ** SOLD ** 1995 "Tree-Hugger Green" SVX L AWD(5 MT) --- "Gumby" 130K miles #399 in MY95, my original love... |
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Quote:
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I've heard #2 about a million times. Wonder if it's really true?
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~~Michelle ----------------------------------------------- '92 LS-L - copper - 190K miles '94 LS-L - pearlie - 92K miles *still have '92 parts* |
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I think the writers responsible for the Darwin Awards often use fabricated stories without proper research. Possibly they do the research and use the stories anyway, because they're funny and sell day-by-day calendars.
Search for these stories on Snopes, just one urban legen website, and you'll see what I mean. It bothers me, but then if people just accept anything written by a humor publication, then I guess they're to blame and not the Darwin Awards. YMMV, I guess...
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2005 RX-8 Grand Touring 2005 Outback 2002 Mercedes-Benz E320 wagon END OF LINE |
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Is the urban legend that "one can swallow another persons soul" ture? Just thought I would check before I did the research.
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. Earl .... ... .... ><SVX(*> Subaru Ambassador [COLOR=”silver”]1992 Tri Color L[/COLOR] ~45K (06/91) #2430 1992 Dark Teal LS-L ~184K (05/91) #0739 1992 Claret LS-L ~196K (05/91) #0831 1992 Pearl LS-L ~103K (06/91) #1680 1992 Pearl LS-L ~151K (06/91) #2229 1992 Dark Teal LS ~150K (07/91) #3098 (parts car) 1992 White LS-L ~139K (08/92) #6913 1993 25th AE ~98K (02/93) #164 1993 25th AE ~58K (02/93) #176 1993 25th AE ~107K (02/93) #215 1993 25th AE ~162K (02/93) #223 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~124K (1/94) #2408 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~144K (10/93) #1484 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~68K (10/93) #1525 1994 Barcelona Red LSi ~46K (02/94) #2624 1994 Pearl LSi ~41K (12/93) #1961 1995 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~70K (02/95) #855 1996 Polo Green LSi ~95K (03/96) #872 1997 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~55K (08/96) #097 2003 Brilliant Red LS1 Convertible ~29K (04/03) #8951 1999 Magnetic Red LS1 Coupe ~33K (04/99) #6420 My Email | Old Locker | New Locker | Picture of 15 of the 19 |
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Quote:
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2005 RX-8 Grand Touring 2005 Outback 2002 Mercedes-Benz E320 wagon END OF LINE |
#10
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Quote:
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Kenneth 1997 Subaru SVX LSi "Svetlana" #185 of 640 - 09/1996 - Polo Green Pearl - 34k miles 1992 Subaru SVX LS-L "Everett" #8738 - 01/1992 - Ebony Pearl - 139k miles - 5MT shifty - Sold 07/31/2011 1992 Subaru SVX LS-L "Sven" #1599 - 05/1991 - Claret - 168k miles - Traded 05/11/2005 2023 Subaru Crosstrek Limited CVT - Crystal White Pearl - 2.8k miles 2021 Subaru Forester 2.5i Limited CVT - Horizon Blue Pearl - 17k miles 2023 Volkswagen Jetta S 6MT - Pure White - 2.6k miles 2020 Hyundai Ioniq Limited EV - Ceramic White - 30k miles |
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They admit that some (if not most)
__________________
Mitch Hansen
"uncamitzi" This is a Dark Ride 92 Teal SVX LS-L 128K tranny swap with 4.11's Well.. my days of not taking you seriously have certainly come to a middle . |
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/Sonny
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Internal name: "SuperSonic" -92 ebony black with 170k KM *** -Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. *** |
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