Smile A While

[lhopp77]

Just for grins.






Subject: Tips for Husbands




Husbands...how to prevent being dragged along on shopping trips!!!

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior
and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of
our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your
husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled
and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Underpants

President and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint Department

------------------------------------------------------------------------


MEMO

Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Compla ints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done
while his spouse/partner is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 b! oxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest
rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
Code 3' in House wares..... And watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.


8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to
cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked
the clerk if he knows where the anti depressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!"

And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, s! hut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

[Electrophil]

That was funny. Made me laugh out loud a few times.

Ooohh.... I liked that one!

I'm tempted to pass it along to my Dad

[immortal_suby]

that was good!

[bwb3]

If I may borrow this thread.....
For a chuckle, check out the answers to the buyers questions at the bottom of the page.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.d...33452260&fvi=1

[Suby Fan]

thats pretty funny

[lhopp77]

Originally Posted by bwb3

If I may borrow this thread.....
For a chuckle, check out the answers to the buyers questions at the bottom of the page.

Not at all--that is why I started this thread--for people to post things that would make us all smile.

Lee

[bwb3]

I am not sure exactly how it works, but this is amazingly accurate. Read the full description before looking at the picture.

The picture on the link has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress level at St. Mary's Hospital.

Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical.

A closely monitored, scientific study of a group revealed that in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins. If there are many differences found between both dolphins, it means that the person is experiencing a great amount of stress.

Look at the photograph at http://www.subaru-svx.net/photos/files/bwb3/36467.jpg and if you find more than one or two differences, you may want to take a vacation.

[lhopp77]

I don't see how they could have ever found two more identical dolphins doing exactly the same thing!!!!!! They must be freaks of nature.

Lee

[lhopp77]

Subject: SOUTHERN GRANDMA


SOUTHERN GRANDMA
>
> Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't

prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting

attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to
the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment
to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and

talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when
you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything
more
than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
> The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was

a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.

He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice
is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on

his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes,
I
know him."
> The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to

approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you

idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll hold you in contempt and fine the hell out of you"

[ensteele]

[It's Just Eric]

Ahh...great thread. Keep em coming

[SubaSteevo]

In my boredom I've probably read 1,000,000 jokes and watched numerous funny videos on the net.

Below are two of my favorite flash animations.
Disclaimer: You may have seen them already, you need a quirky sense of humor to appreciate them to their full potential, and they're NWS

Banana phone

End of the World

[demonsvx]

Speaking of walmart me and my 2 sons got in line behind a old man and smell something horrible. Of course my 6 year old thinks its the old man points at him and says "I think that old man farted" as loud as he could. Now we make it a point to get behind old people at walmart and make up stuff

[lhopp77]

That's like the old joke about the guy and his son behind a fat lady in line at the WalMart register. About that time the ladies Beeper went off and the young son loudly warned---WATCH OUT DAD, SHE IS BACKING UP.

Lee