Cadillacs, Volkswagens & Rubber Duckies

Don't think the following article really needs any comment from me, except perhaps "Hmmmmmm"

Toronto Sun
October 7, 2005

All that's fit to print
By MIKE STROBEL

Feel that bite in the air? Ahhh. Sex show season.

Every fall I go down to the Everything To Do With Sex Show.

It is part of my job, a public service.

I search out what is hot and new in the bedroom. Trends, techniques, toys.

So your wife does not up and frighten you to death one night.

Last time, I advised on fake orgasms, with the help of Zhanna Yampolsky, 26.

She won the Fake Orgasm Contest, hands down.

That event returns to the show, Oct. 21-23, at the CNE Automotive Building.

But the world of sex is abuzz with novelty and change. I learn this at the press preview, at Fabrik, a downtown club.

If you are not at least 19, you cannot go to the show.

And you probably should stop reading this column.

Let's start with the duck. Very cool. Very hot.

Rubba Duck sells for 35 bucks. It looks like any ol' rubber ducky, yellow, spongy and mild-mannered. It floats.

But it is really a vibrator.

KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN!

There is also a mini travel version, and one called Bondage Duck, with a hood over its beak. Bath time will never be the same.

The latest in other vibrators includes a slim beaut called Orchid.

"A great beginner, all-round vibrator," Carlyle Jansen, 39, tells me. She owns Good For Her sex shop.

Carlyle is a long, cool drink of water who was non-orgasmic 'til she was 27.

"This is what did it for me," she says, and pulls out a honking big back massager. Aficionados call it The Cadillac.

"A lot of men use it too. Works great on the perineum."

The wha ... the cranium?

"Lower."

What do you call that little black thing. The Volkswagen?

"No, it's a new (penis) ring. Cordless. Came out six months ago. Runs on watch batteries.

"You recharge every 45 minutes."

Well, that should last me two, three years.

Silicone is in, too. Not where you're thinking. It makes sturdier and safer sex toys.

Manganese chain mail is a big seller. By the Fabrik bar, Gabriela Phillips, 28, tall, blond and Mexican, models a darling two-piece. She is president of Chains Reaction.

"It won't rust," Gabriela says, huskily. She even swims in it. "And very light." And very see-through. And it doesn't clank.

Dancing is big in the bedroom. You can get courses in lap-dancing, burlesque, stripping. Christine Boyer is just 34, but already has nine Aradia pole-dancing studios across Canada. Good cardio, in more ways than one.

Sex furniture? Well, Liberator Shapes are new to Canada. Their furnishings, such as The Ramp and The Wedge, are designed for certain sexual positions. Useful for us aging baby-boomers. No more cricks in the neck.

You can put it on your couch and no one would look twice. Watch the hockey game in comfort, then call in the wife.

Say, Carlyle, what's the latest on the G-spot?

"Well, it hasn't moved."

She's a riot. Her courses have names like Make Her Moan.

"Women are still struggling to find their G-spots and men even more so.

"It's not in the vagina. You feel it through the vagina."

She grabs my hand. No, wait, Carlyle...

She squeezes my wrist. "Feel that pressure? That's how much we need to stimulate the G-spot. I'm always telling people, 'More, more, more.'"

Owww. Okay, I'll tell folks. What about circumcision?

"It's been on the decrease since OHIP stopped covering it."

But more and more wives are wearing strap-ons, she says. Please don't ask me why.

Maybe you already know. If you are up to date, you also know virtual sex is at hand. That female ejaculation is all the talk. That erotic books are big. That Tantric and other "spiritual sex" clinics sell out.

If all this was news to you, I hope I have helped.

Now, go play with your rubber ducky.

http://www.torontosun.com/News/Colum...7/1251733.html

[Ron Mummert]

....proving there's nothing new under the sun. Do you remember Berlin's Beate Uhsa (sp?) from the 60's? She gave new meaning the the term "device" before rubber duckies got quacked up.

Ron (musing upon good vibrations).

Originally Posted by Ron Mummert

....proving there's nothing new under the sun. Do you remember Berlin's Beate Uhsa (sp?) from the 60's? She gave new meaning the the term "device" before rubber duckies got quacked up.

Ron (musing upon good vibrations).

Hah!... Beate Uhse is still up and running. Now available as a pay TV channel, and has an online web site:
http://www.beate-uhse.com
http://www.beate-uhse.tv

It is still corny and lame as ever, just gotten a little harder core and explicit. But then this is Germany, where on regular cable TV on one of the major channels, there's a late night sex show every week moderated by a trans-sexual (or maybe he's just a cross-dresser, I'm not sure ) man always decked out in glitzy evening gowns. He/She covers various topics from help for ordinary sex problems to reports on more "unusual" activities and clubs. Always a blast to watch, and Hubby and I giggle through many shows together. Sometimes we just stare at the TV for a while, not quite believing what we're seeing. But what the heck... might actually learn something, eh? It sure has improved my German I've learned all sorts of new words and phrases that weren't covered in class Hmm... haven't watched it in a while now...