Women

[subi-crosser]

Originally Posted by iizbeastie

HA!.... I grew up with 9 women in the house and thought I had them all figured out!... A week ago, I caught myself nagging my son to put the toilet seat down... I even told him he'd be the first kid ever to be lectured about it by daddy instead of mommy.....

But I tell you this, if you think women are .... screwed up, a pain, mysterious, or any other descriptive phrase you can come up with... I have two things to say

1) you're right
2) try having a daughter!!!!!!!

I've got one, she's not even a year old yet and holy friggin crimminy does she have an attitude! Now I know why dad's "give them away" at the wedding... they're thinking 'get this thing away from me!' ... and why are you not allowed to break their heart? Why you ask? Because who do they run back to? Even after they have mutilated and castrated the punk who did it, where do they go next? Back to daddy! So what does it mean when they say you better not break them? It means "dude, I did my time, your turn!"


Ok, sorry... just a little venting.... continue the thread now.....

I live in a house that is 125 ft long. The women live in the FIRST 75 ft and I live in the last 50!! I go to the other end for kitchen and bathroom things.
My computer is in the back, my tools are in the back, I have a beer-fridge, toaster oven, micro-wave, TV, VCR.and woodburner.
I even have a shiney STREETROD parked in my part!!!

My most frequent visitors are 2 of my daughters!! Eldest and youngest. One brings her husband and children and the other doesn't have those things, so she brings her love.

When the wife comes to visit, it is to point out all the things that need fixing, the things that I have NO impact on that cause her grief, the things that SHE could do while I'm working on a 'LIVING'! etc.......



I PREFER the topics that the daughters discuss!

scary part..... This is wife #3!! First wife, I was married to for 2 years, she was married for 2 WEEKS!!
#2, She was a test. God wanted to see if I was inclined to blow my brains out!! I fought the urge for 10 years before I had enough!! After her 3rd affair, I stayed gone!
#3, she hates everything that we did when we got together. I, however, do NOT hate those things! She THOUGHT that she liked them for 5 or 6 years. Now, I am a kid that refuses to grow up!!

Let's see.... I have done the same BOOOORRRRING job for 21 years. I still have to fix cars in my 'free' time to get enough money to play. I still fix cars to get money to play. I still play with cars, but they are bigger now. ( I started with ones that I could put 10 in my pocket). I bought more 'off street' parking so I could keep 10 here, in town!

NOTHING has changed!!!! I still want to play with cars. I still want to play with women!! Guess what WINS if a 'choice' has to be made?

I have NEVER had to make that choice to please a CAR!!

The only 'constant' in the mix is the 61 Ford that I bought for $100. in 1972.

Stop by, I will introduce you!! She still sleeps here!! ( 6 women and 9 hound dogs later, she is still here!!!) Never judging, never critical, never jealous. Waiting till I have time for her........


What an a$$hole, I AM!!!

[NikFu S.]

Originally Posted by Landshark

once you actually get with a woman, you can have an opinion.

Oh har dee har. Just because you have trouble with them doesn't mean I should as well.

[Landshark]

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

Oh har dee har. Just because you have trouble with them doesn't mean I should as well.

i've slain more poon than you'll ever know, kid.

[ridered777]

Originally Posted by subi-crosser

I live in a house that is 125 ft long. The women live in the FIRST 75 ft and I live in the last 50!! I go to the other end for kitchen and bathroom things.
My computer is in the back, my tools are in the back, I have a beer-fridge, toaster oven, micro-wave, TV, VCR.and woodburner.
I even have a shiney STREETROD parked in my part!!!

My most frequent visitors are 2 of my daughters!! Eldest and youngest. One brings her husband and children and the other doesn't have those things, so she brings her love.

When the wife comes to visit, it is to point out all the things that need fixing, the things that I have NO impact on that cause her grief, the things that SHE could do while I'm working on a 'LIVING'! etc.......



I PREFER the topics that the daughters discuss!

scary part..... This is wife #3!! First wife, I was married to for 2 years, she was married for 2 WEEKS!!
#2, She was a test. God wanted to see if I was inclined to blow my brains out!! I fought the urge for 10 years before I had enough!! After her 3rd affair, I stayed gone!
#3, she hates everything that we did when we got together. I, however, do NOT hate those things! She THOUGHT that she liked them for 5 or 6 years. Now, I am a kid that refuses to grow up!!

Let's see.... I have done the same BOOOORRRRING job for 21 years. I still have to fix cars in my 'free' time to get enough money to play. I still fix cars to get money to play. I still play with cars, but they are bigger now. ( I started with ones that I could put 10 in my pocket). I bought more 'off street' parking so I could keep 10 here, in town!

NOTHING has changed!!!! I still want to play with cars. I still want to play with women!! Guess what WINS if a 'choice' has to be made?

I have NEVER had to make that choice to please a CAR!!

The only 'constant' in the mix is the 61 Ford that I bought for $100. in 1972.

Stop by, I will introduce you!! She still sleeps here!! ( 6 women and 9 hound dogs later, she is still here!!!) Never judging, never critical, never jealous. Waiting till I have time for her........


What an a$$hole, I AM!!!

I completely agree with you! Cars are so much easier - you show them love and attention, and they ACTUALLY appreciate it by running better! Women would rather just watch you waste your energy, then rip your heart out, and squash it like a bug.

I found a sayings somewhere ( I think it was off this forum actually...)
"Cars are better than girls: Cars never cheat on you, cars are cheaper to maintain, cars don't get jealous, cars don't care how much time you spend with your friends, cars don't talk back, cars are up for whatever you want to do, cars don't get moodswings, and if you want to slow things down or speed things up your car won't care. So, cars are better than girls. (HOWEVER, when you find a girl who likes cars, you keep her.)"

For all you guys that loved your women till you married them, here's this one
"Troubled User wrote:
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User…..


Tech Support wrote:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfrie nd 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear”
to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 ! and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support"

[subeman90]

Originally Posted by Landshark

i've slain more poon than you'll ever know, kid.

I've slayed a lot in the good old days here too.

I could tell you folks about my 2 ex wives but it isn't worth the bandwidth to talk about. All I can say about #2 is she falls under the "isn't worth the bullet" category

On the up side to this: When you find the right one you will know it. trust me!

[subeman90]

Originally Posted by plantchick

If it's any consolation, most women I know feel the same about men

I'll add enthralling and infuriating...
probably applies to both sexes.

Tania.

Thats nice and all but I have to ask you....Why are you not in the kitchen making dinner?

[ensteele]

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

As much as I love how people cling to old cliches, I honestly do not see the mystery in women. They are exactly like men, only not as ugly. (Actually some of them are but I don't like to judge.)

Your statement above shows you have no clue when it comes to women. That statement is Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to simplified to even think you know about women.

I am not dis-ing you, but just making a statement about yours.

[greggbzz]

Originally Posted by ensteele

Your statement above shows you have no clue when it comes to women. That statement is Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to simplified to even think you know about women.

I am not dis-ing you, but just making a statement about yours.

Heh, I just ended a 8 year relationship. We were practically married.

I think most of the confusion comes from me not knowing what the hell is going on since my life changed pretty drastically since then.

So, I'm sort of on the rebound, and closer to some people I know that happen to be girls and they are just as freaking confusing as I thought they might be.

I'm not going to try and find anyone. I'm not optamistic about the bar scene. I'll just keep lookin' good and let them come to me, har har har.

[shelfy]

ugh! i can't get the def leppard song out of my head now! thanks.

[NikFu S.]

Originally Posted by ensteele

Your statement above shows you have no clue when it comes to women. That statement is Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to simplified to even think you know about women.
I am not dis-ing you, but just making a statement about yours.

And your statement shows once again that we can never agree on anything.
Women are as simple a creature as anything else on this planet.
Then again, I do have a knack for figuring things out.

No disrespect, but all you guys are doing is feeding an old American myth that doesn't have any logical base.

Originally Posted by Landshark

i've slain more poon than you'll ever know, kid.

You want a medal, grandpa?

[greggbzz]

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

No disrespect, but all you guys are doing is feeding an old American myth that doesn't have any logical base.

Well, I think it's universal, not American. Once those emotions start flowing logic goes away.

I have a highly logical profession and general outlook on life. I enjoy making a little mystery. I need a little insanity to keep me sane.

[NikFu S.]

I'm exactly the opposite. Mystery drives me insane. I want to know everything and make an attempt to do so. I don't believe in secrets. The kind of girls I like feel the same way I do and trust me there is plenty of them.

[iizbeastie]

And Adam said,
"God, why did you make women so beautiful?"
- "so that you would love her"

"why did you make her..... so stupid?"
- "so that she would love you"

(P.S. Agnostic but I think it's hilarious!!)

The best way to test women is to lay out the ground rules right off the bat. Less than a week after I met my wife, I told her "I understand women have both 'scheduled mood swings' and 'non scheduled mood swings'.... but I'll tell you this much about me to make sure we're clear. You are completely allowed to be a BI***, but it comes with the condition that I'm allowed to be a BI*** back, just as consistently or sparatically."

If you can say this to a woman and her first response is "just make sure I have something fast to drive at the track and I'm good", well I didn't let that one get away!!!

[demonsvx]

Funny thing I have noticed about the women I work with is that 3 I know have broke up with their boyfriends have gone lesbian with each other They talk trash and act more like men now but complain the most about men's problems or issues They got away from men but now dress and act like them WTF is this about. Oh by the way can you give a brother some help in "poon slaying" as I have been out of the picture for the past ten years and seem to have lost my way

[gstape]

"I understand women have both 'scheduled mood swings' and 'non scheduled mood swings'

+1

I want to know everything and make an attempt to do so.

Good luck with that