What you all have been waiting for

[Uncamitzi]

Subject: FW: DARWIN AWARDS






An annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the
biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily
stupid way.

Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine
which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free
soda out of it. Yes, these are all true.



And the nominees this year in reverse order are:

6. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.



5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft
and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants
around their ankles.



4. A 22-year-old, <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 /Glade Drive, Reston, VA,
man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad
trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one
foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park,
jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman,
said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found
nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the
distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police
say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."



3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.



2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of
the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter
was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of
causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER.....



1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local
golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad
mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and and dangle his
scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped
the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in
place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who
immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from
his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was
more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a
normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum
was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him
forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was
compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the
washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury,
Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the
pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the
hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave
the course.

Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot
didn't die.
But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of
stupidity, we have allowed it.

[Alycone]

Nice.

[shelfy]

that's the funniest thing i've read all month, mitch!

[GreenMarine]

God..... I cringed as soon as I started reading about the golf balls washing incodent... That's terrible....

Originally posted by GreenMarineSVX
God..... I cringed as soon as I started reading about the golf balls washing incodent... That's terrible....

[MNYPNNY]

I've heard #2 about a million times. Wonder if it's really true?

[Mr. Pockets]

I think the writers responsible for the Darwin Awards often use fabricated stories without proper research. Possibly they do the research and use the stories anyway, because they're funny and sell day-by-day calendars.

Search for these stories on Snopes, just one urban legen website, and you'll see what I mean.

It bothers me, but then if people just accept anything written by a humor publication, then I guess they're to blame and not the Darwin Awards.

YMMV, I guess...

[ensteele]

Is the urban legend that "one can swallow another persons soul" ture? Just thought I would check before I did the research.

[Mr. Pockets]

Originally posted by ensteele
Is the urban legend that "one can swallow another persons soul" ture? Just thought I would check before I did the research.

Who cares, man? If anybody can do it, that little kid can. She's freaky, and I wouldn't question her if I was you.

[shelfy]

Originally posted by Mr. Pockets


Who cares, man? If anybody can do it, that little kid can. She's freaky, and I wouldn't question her if I was you.

i'm afraid of her! i think she's staring at me.

[Uncamitzi]

of their stories are unconfirmed...


www.darwinawards.com


What a way to kill an hour or two

[Sonar]

/Sonny