Do you think Im being unreasonable?

[NikFu S.]

I know I asked but I don't think he is trying to control her, but then again maybe he is a bit controlling and that is a reason she avoided him on this subject. We can't know without his input.

Anyway he said he is practically over it, and considering the scope of the damage (it's minimal) I don't see them having any problems which begs the question to me yet again, why even get bent out of shape in the first place. It was a knee-jerk reaction to a situation he didn't know how to deal with.

[SomethingElse]

Originally Posted by iizbeastie

"It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission"

I'm not sure who I'm quoting but I know it's true.

charlie harper said that on 2.5 men dogg

[NapaBavarian]

Depends, if she had reason to believe that you would argue with her over it then I can understand her actions, if this is the biggest problem in your relationship then go have some makup sex and move on... It sounds like she at least wants to be honest with you.

[iizbeastie]

Originally Posted by SomethingElse

charlie harper said that on 2.5 men dogg

Hmm? I follow that show and I'm quite sure I heard it before then. Come to think of it, it was my composition instructor in regard to using one of my works as a demonstration in another class...... even then, I would not be surprised if that is where she heard it.

Personally, the thought of this being bonding time with her friend and mother indicates to me that it should be a 'back off' moment. Especially if her mother got one to match, then you really need to respect it. As far as her friend is concerned that depends on the situation. Was this a 'no, don't stop yourself from doing what you want for him', or was it more of a 'what do you mean you don't want a tat, you're totally getting one with me'. If it is something she wanted in the first place then don't be upset with the friend, in supporting what she wants to do then she is a good friend. If the friend was on a mission to get her to do something to irritate you, then you should be irritated. And if this type of behavior is typical of them, cut your losses and call it a day. (no I don't mean dump her) Either way, it seems to me that she didn't tell you because she didn't want to deal with it, as if she knew that you would be upset with her even for thinking about it. If this is the case then you both has something to learn because no one should ever dredge on a conversation with their 'significant other', that says more about the relationship.

One good point to be established. Was she being secretive because she didn't want to tell you of her intentions or because she didn't want you to see it? The question leans on the fact that the vast majority of tatoo's and body piercings are more of a spur of the moment type of action than they are premeditated.

[mysvxrocks]

No Im not trying to control what she does.... I would have just liked to be included. Let me give an example of a situation... Keep in mind, I could have just gone out and done this, its my body, and I can do what I want.

So about 6ish months ago, I hit a really bad point (wont go into details) anyways, I was on the verge of going out to the gas station, and picking up a pack of cigs. Now, I havent smoked in about three years... and I know my girlfriend wouldnt approve of me doing so. I wanted so bad to just go out and do it, ignoring the fact of her. But I didnt, I called her and told her that I wanted to do it again. We talked for a couple of hours on the subject.

What Im trying to get at, is that I trusted her enough to help me deal with an issue. And she has always given me the same respect, until this. I wouldnt have been like, ok go out and get it now... I would have told her my issues with it. And dealt with the issue... But the main point of it is, we would have talked about it.

Anyways... Im not trying to destroy the relationship. Ive been trying to make it stronger, by never doing anything behind her, Ive never lied to her, never hid anything from her.

And Nikfu S... You said "the decision making process (process concerning superficial areas of her body, not all processes) that you realize has very little to do with you"

I dont see how it has very little to do with me... Weve talked about our relationship, for the long run. For me, and for her, weve told eachother that we want to stay together. So something that will be on her forever, I believe does have something to do with me. But whatever.

And Napa, we dont do that. Both of our decisions.

[SVXyGirl]

Originally Posted by mysvxrocks

.... its my body, and I can do what I want..

[mysvxrocks]

Originally Posted by SVXyGirl

Ive never seen that episode, though I dont watch that show too much. Just what is going on with him lol.

As for a spur of the moment thing... I dont know. She has always been against them along with me... Which makes me not get why she got one.

[NikFu S.]

Originally Posted by mysvxrocks

She has always been against them along with me... Which makes me not get why she got one.

This information would have been incredibly useful at the start, but it does reinforce the "spur of the moment" notion.

In light of this, perhaps she did not intend to get one until the moment it happened? I think this is a reasonable assumption.

[techy101]

Originally Posted by mysvxrocks

No Im not trying to control what she does.... I would have just liked to be included. Let me give an example of a situation... Keep in mind, I could have just gone out and done this, its my body, and I can do what I want.

So about 6ish months ago, I hit a really bad point (wont go into details) anyways, I was on the verge of going out to the gas station, and picking up a pack of cigs. Now, I havent smoked in about three years... and I know my girlfriend wouldnt approve of me doing so. I wanted so bad to just go out and do it, ignoring the fact of her. But I didnt, I called her and told her that I wanted to do it again. We talked for a couple of hours on the subject.

What Im trying to get at, is that I trusted her enough to help me deal with an issue. And she has always given me the same respect, until this. I wouldnt have been like, ok go out and get it now... I would have told her my issues with it. And dealt with the issue... But the main point of it is, we would have talked about it.

Anyways... Im not trying to destroy the relationship. Ive been trying to make it stronger, by never doing anything behind her, Ive never lied to her, never hid anything from her.

And Nikfu S... You said "the decision making process (process concerning superficial areas of her body, not all processes) that you realize has very little to do with you"

I dont see how it has very little to do with me... Weve talked about our relationship, for the long run. For me, and for her, weve told eachother that we want to stay together. So something that will be on her forever, I believe does have something to do with me. But whatever.

And Napa, we dont do that. Both of our decisions.

I find it hard to compare a tattoo to an unhealthy habbit/something that you've obviously wanted/needed help kicking (and kudos for it). You're comparing apples to oranges. Something that YOU knew was bad for yourself, and needed some help with versus something that she just wanted.

Bottom line is that it is her body, and her decision. I can understand her not telling you because she was afraid of the reaction to something she wanted to do (which did come to pass).

Tattoo's can be very special for lots of people. Mine are daily reminders of a number of things, including a "rock bottom" point in my past. They're special and even though my mother was less than thrilled when I told her, she's come to understand their importance to me. It might be worth your time to find out what it means for her, and to understand why it was important enough to risk an altercation.

Just my $0.02


EDIT: Also, I car forum is probably not the best place to get relationship advice.

[immortal_suby]

End it now before it's too late. She just proved to you that she will pull crap behind your back.

[mysvxrocks]

Originally Posted by immortal_suby

End it now before it's too late. She just proved to you that she will pull crap behind your back.

Not my take on it. I love her, more than anything... And Im more than willing to deal


"EDIT: Also, I car forum is probably not the best place to get relationship advice."

People are people, so advice coming from people here, is just as good as anyone elses. My take

[NikFu S.]

Originally Posted by mysvxrocks

And Nikfu S... You said "the decision making process (process concerning superficial areas of her body, not all processes) that you realize has very little to do with you"

I dont see how it has very little to do with me... Weve talked about our relationship, for the long run. For me, and for her, weve told eachother that we want to stay together. So something that will be on her forever, I believe does have something to do with me. But whatever.

In my defense you did leave out quite a bit of useful information from the original post. You said you felt it was as serious relationship, not that you both had agreed to stick it for the long haul.
Even so! I maintain my position that something like this is entirely superficial, but I guess I am just far more comfortable with body "modification" provided it isn't extreme or disfiguring. If I were in your position and I posted a thread like "Yo, my girl got a tattoo and didn't tell me and I think it's pretty hot" nobody would be sitting here telling "Dude she's shysty doing **** behind your back, she not trustworthy. End the relationship."

Do you see how the difference in two extremes is brought upon only by your own feelings and reaction to the matter? Everyone jumps to your defense without knowing the entire story, gives you advice that they would give themselves without hesitation, and in the end it's worthless because you decide to do rationally what you should have done in the first place which is react in a calm matter and think it over. You've succumbed to the fact that it's a non-issue by your evident dismissal of the act.

IS she trustworthy? Will she do things "behind your back"? We don't know, because we can only respond in the context you have given us.

[mysvxrocks]

Yeah I understand what you are saying.

And Im not asking the question of is the trustworthy, and if she will do things behind my back... I know her, and Ive known her for a few years. I cant explain her here enough for anyone here to make that judgement.

[iizbeastie]

Originally Posted by mysvxrocks

Not my take on it. I love her, more than anything... And Im more than willing to deal

"EDIT: Also, I car forum is probably not the best place to get relationship advice."

People are people, so advice coming from people here, is just as good as anyone elses. My take

I think you've landed in the right place on both of these notes. For one, we "gearheads" have other aspects in our lives as well, including at least a couple of relationships from which to derive some opinion in such a matter.

Being able to deal with what happens in the relationship is something you will always need, anything less than that would be unreasonable. Still, I would try to get to the root problem here being why she wasn't aching to tell you in the first place. It's not like you weren't going to find out one way or another. I'm sure you've seen the back of her shoulders before. Besides, one day you will be able to pick on her about the shooting stars going down her back...

[NikFu S.]

Originally Posted by mysvxrocks

Yeah I understand what you are saying.

And Im not asking the question of is she trustworthy, and if she will do things behind my back... I know her, and Ive known her for a few years. I cant explain her here enough for anyone here to make that judgment.

Well to finally answer the question, I do in fact think you are not being unreasonable, knee-jerks and all.