The Hunted

#1 04-04-2002, 06:30 PM

Hey folks.

I had a short story due for my creative writing class today and I was feeling a little racy, so I wrote about cars. I'm incredibly pleased with the way it turned out, and I would love to hear what everyone thinks. Constructive criticism, deconstructive criticism, fact correction, I'd love to hear anything you have to say. It's not very long at all, so give it a once-over and let me know what you think. It's at:

http://adamw.knefm.com/hunted.html
(the above link contains some healthy profanity and does not reflect the views or opinions expressed by the operators of this message board.)

Special thanks to Michelle (thndrmtn92svx) for helping me proof it in the 15 minutes before it was due!!

-Adam

Bwana · #2 04-04-2002, 08:01 PM

*applauds*

Very nice, good descriptive words. Made you feel like you were in the cars. I'd give it an A. Solid.

MNYPNNY · #3 04-04-2002, 08:57 PM

Anytime, Adam.
You know what I think about it!

-Me

249SVX · #4 04-04-2002, 10:39 PM

Very very nice.

wasions · #5 04-04-2002, 10:52 PM

Potty-mouth.

WestCoastSVX · #6 04-05-2002, 08:40 AM

Great job! Just what I needed to get my morning going.

Mr. Pockets · #7 04-05-2002, 10:53 AM

I would think that 'Scandinavians' would be armed with something European like an MP5 or something stylish from Steyr.

No, really, it was very well-written. Maybe a little too much product placement for my tastes, but other than that I dug it.

I know you were probably out of time, but I would have liked more to happen in the snow. Clods of snow and dirt getting kicked around...

Good job.

#8 04-05-2002, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Potty-mouth.

heehee, they're international super-spies, they're allowed to curse

Quote:

I would think that 'Scandinavians' would be armed with something European like an MP5 or something stylish from Steyr.

My first thought was to give them HK's, but I realized that the "heroes" were RUNNING from the Germans.. it just seemed like a better idea to give them Russian weapons, especially given the attack chopper which arrived to carry them away.

Quote:

I know you were probably out of time, but I would have liked more to happen in the snow. Clods of snow and dirt getting kicked around...

Yeah, I would've loved to have done more with the snow, but with the BMW out of the picture, there was no real reason to. Of course, what the reader DOESN'T see is the drive between the mountaintop fortress and the headquarters in Sweden. I'll save that one for a rainy day

-Adam

wasions · #9 04-05-2002, 12:48 PM

Hmmm. International super-spies without the class, or courage not to curse.
Seems everyone wants to be thought of as a rebellious punk, these days. It's come to the place where rebellious punk is the norm. Let's rise above it. Waddayasay?

Mr. Pockets · #10 04-05-2002, 02:49 PM

Incidentally, Adam, I'd like to counter the non-profanity votes with my own. I don't have a problem with the language in your story.

Some people do, however, so I'd recommend that you give fair warning in the future. We don't allow language like that on this site, so please make sure that people know what they're clicking on.

BTW keep writing. I don't any more. My new theory is that my head can only contain so many ideas, good or bad. If I don't express them or at least get them down on paper, they'll eventually get pushed out through my ears and onto the floor. Then the boss's dog eats them.

#11 04-05-2002, 02:59 PM

Pockets-

As per your suggestion, I've edited the initial post to include a disclaimer. Also some of the words in your last post rang incredibly true to me. I hope you don't mind that I've quoted you in my sig.

-Adam

Mr. Pockets · #12 04-05-2002, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by alacrity024
Pockets-

As per your suggestion, I've edited the initial post to include a disclaimer. Also some of the words in your last post rang incredibly true to me. I hope you don't mind that I've quoted you in my sig.

-Adam

Not at all - I'm honored!

Heh...'healthy profanity.' I love it! Brilliant!