Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women

[JaySVX]

Changing Oil - Men -vs- Women

Oil Change Instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
• Oil Change $20.00
• Coffee $1.00
Total: $21.00
================================================== ==========
Oil Change Instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open first beer and drink it, to assess the situation.
4) Plan to jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands behind garden hoses, rakes and assorted crap. Jack up vehicle.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process, cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of storing it for recycling.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to grocery store to buy 3.2 beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. (Note that the filter companies tell you to do this just to ensure that the GASKET is actually there...)
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids' sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas over a bad patch of lawn.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) More beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, she makes bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
• Parts $50.00
• DUI $2500.00
• Impound fee $75.00
• Bail $1500.00
• Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00
But you know the job was done right!!!

[SoCal LS-L]

EXACTLY!!! Id rather spend $4165 doing it myself than get my oil changed ONCE at "Iffy" Lube.

[SVXMAN2001]

haha pretty good. I particularly like the hammering a screwdriver through the oil filter part, I'll have to try that sometime.

I recently went to jiffy lube, for my truck (i do all my own maintenance, but my current situation prohibits me from doing so), and it cost $40! Oil changes are getting pretty pricey if you ask me...

[IceBlade]

I liked the oil filter part too lol. Nice post.

[odepaj]

Everybody knows there is a part of this story that deffinetly isn't true.



















What woman actually brings her car in for an oil change regularly at 3000 miles?

[SubaruSVXCrazy]

Wow what an adventure.

[wyldnwoody44]

Hey!! have you been spying on me

[ShiuludeSVX]

Cool.

I've done the screwdriver bit {it works}. And, it's ok to admit it, for the rest of us out there.

[kwren]

I will be 79 years old in June of this year and I change my own oil. If some day I am unable to correctly install and remove the oil filter on my SVX by grabbing it with my right hand and twisting it wearing a thin latex glove, I will be thankful to the person that came up with the screwdriver thingie!

Maybe someone should put it in a How-To??

Keith

[Freeman]

Does it make me a lady if I just have OT do it?

[kwren]

Originally Posted by Freeman

Does it make me a lady if I just have OT do it?

Probably not... probably just a gal

[wannarace928]

Originally Posted by odepaj

Everybody knows there is a part of this story that deffinetly isn't true.



















What woman actually brings her car in for an oil change regularly at 3000 miles?

I happen to know some women DO take their cars in regularly for an oil change at 3k miles.

[JaySVX]

Yeah, but the chance of encountering either of them is low!

[gsodonis]

About six years ago, a lady coworker asked me if I would take a look at her car - seems it was running a bit rough - and there was a light flickering on the dashboard. I went out to check her 1999 Honda Accord with 90,000 miles. I started it up and the first thing I noticed was the flickering dash light - it was the oil pressure idiot light. I promptly shut her off and checked the dipstick - not a drop. After buying a case from the parts store, I started filling the car up with oil. One quart in - no thing on the dipstick. Two quarts - still nothing. Three quarts - finally - oil. Approximately three and a half quarts later - a full crankcase. The Honda 2.3 4cyl takes 3.7 without oil filter change.
I told her that if the engine didn't grenade in a few months from oil starvation, the car might keep running for year but that she probably scored the cylinders real bad and that her oil consumption will probably go up. She still has the car today and it has 260,000 miles on it. And yes, it uses a quart of oil every fillup.
And the reason it ran rough - the air filter was original and was so packed with crud that you couldn't see the pleats of the paper. There were dead bird remains impacted in it as well.
I've always been a Honda fan and will remain one for their durability - It's usualyy our stupidity that kills em.

[SUBBYRU89]

Originally Posted by wannarace928

I happen to know some women DO take their cars in regularly for an oil change at 3k miles.

Originally Posted by JaySVX

Yeah, but the chance of encountering either of them is low!

I religiously do the 3K change and I change it myself

I know a few guys who don't know how to change their oil and never check their other fluids either.