I invented a joke..

okay, so most people go through their lives hearing other people tell jokes and then repeating them... although it obviously HAS to happen, i think it's pretty rare that someone INVENTS a joke.. the other day at work i actually came up with one. it's pretty lame, but it just popped into my head and i was pretty impressed because it really sounded like an actual joke that you'd hear someone tell or read in a magazine..

anyway, here goes:


Q: About 4 hours after you start drinking in Italy, France or England, WHAT ARE YOU??


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A: EUROPEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!


okay, so it's not that funny, but it's cute and 100% original

tell it to your kids, they'll love it.

-adam

[Mr. Pockets]

Ha! I make up stupid jokes all the time that make me laugh. I tell them to my wife and she just rolls her eyes and calls me a dork.

[Seraph]

I have a friend who does that too.

One of his famous one is :

What do you call a knighted ringe?



Drum rolls





sir-ringe


Oh Did I mention that he is going to med school?

[Mr. Pockets]

What's a 'ringe?'

[SHISVX]

what do you call cheese that's not yours????



















nacho cheese!!

the kids at the hospital love that one

Kelli

[svxfiles]

In the spirit of the season I called my EX-Wife to say these three words ........ho!....................ho!................ ....ho!....................








You bitter guys know what I'm saying.

[Seraph]

Originally posted by Mr. Pockets
What's a 'ringe?'

Who knows?

[Andy]

Originally posted by Mr. Pockets
What's a 'ringe?'

der Herr der Ringe

[SHISVX]

Originally posted by svxfiles
In the spirit of the season I called my EX-Wife to say these three words ........ho!....................ho!................ ....ho!....................
You bitter guys know what I'm saying.

i think if you just called her up nicely and said "wow, haven't talked to you in a while, how have you been? my life has been so great ever since you left it. anyways, just seeing that you have a very merry christmas and a happy new year. i am off soon with my 25 year old rich girlfriend, she is taking me out to buy me yet another SVX, have a nice holiday, B!TCH!"

Kelli

[Uncamitzi]

Originally posted by SHISVX



i think if you just called her up nicely and said "wow, haven't talked to you in a while, how have you been? my life has been so great ever since you left it. anyways, just seeing that you have a very merry christmas and a happy new year. i am off soon with my 25 year old rich girlfriend, she is taking me out to buy me yet another SVX, have a nice holiday, B!TCH!"

Kelli

nice one kelli....

[SHISVX]

*****NOT CHILDREN SAFE****** LANGUAGE****

i pulled this one off another forum, i LMAO


Dear Terri,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.

But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Terri." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but theyÂ’re not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at the Rainbow Room and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every manÂ’s dream right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this coed, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives.

It's all so surface. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a quart of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Terri, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you, baby.

Jesus, Terri, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mum we met at Mt. Sinai Baptist Church? Well, she drops by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're f***ing in our old bedroom. And this broad's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about God and her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Terri ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid."

(Some of this I thought about later.) You know what I mean? What happened to our spontaneity? You get so caught up in the routine of a marriage and you just lose sight of each other. And then you lose yourself. ThatÂ’s the saddest part of all for me.

But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with you. Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. (She's pulling for us to get back together, Terri. She really is.) So we're drinking in the hot tub and talking about happier times. Here's this hot girl with the same DNA as you (although, let's face it, she got an extra helping of the sexy gene) and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Shannon's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside the steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister's a**, all I can do is think of you? It's true, baby. In your heart you know it.

Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that I think if you'd just try it, I wouldn't have to pressure you so much. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us apart. And I can't be apart from you.

Because I love you, God help me but I do.

RegardsDear Terri,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.

But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Terri." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but theyÂ’re not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at the Rainbow Room and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every manÂ’s dream right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this coed, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives.

It's all so surface. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a quart of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Terri, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you, baby.

Jesus, Terri, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mum we met at Mt. Sinai Baptist Church? Well, she drops by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're f***ing in our old bedroom. And this broad's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about God and her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Terri ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid."

(Some of this I thought about later.) You know what I mean? What happened to our spontaneity? You get so caught up in the routine of a marriage and you just lose sight of each other. And then you lose yourself. ThatÂ’s the saddest part of all for me.

But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with you. Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. (She's pulling for us to get back together, Terri. She really is.) So we're drinking in the hot tub and talking about happier times. Here's this hot girl with the same DNA as you (although, let's face it, she got an extra helping of the sexy gene) and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Shannon's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside the steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister's a**, all I can do is think of you? It's true, baby. In your heart you know it.

Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that I think if you'd just try it, I wouldn't have to pressure you so much. Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us apart. And I can't be apart from you.

Because I love you, God help me but I do.

Regards

My Ex's name is Terri!!!

All I had to do was cut and paste and put it into a word doc and print it on Christmas Stationary and I'm done...

Thanks Mean Joe!

Kidding... we actually get along

Collins

[Aredubjay]

Originally posted by Mr. Pockets
she just rolls her eyes and calls me a dork.

And, for good reason.

[Landshark]

Jerry Seinfeld is starting to worry about competition from you guys......

[Bobb]

Hi Adam, Boy, am I glad to see you post your joke thread. It brought Kelli out of her shell. She used to be so shy, but that home made joke did the job on Kelli. All I can say is thank you and Take care, BOBB+++++