2/3's of a PUN

[LarryIII]

SORRY- but some of these are really bad groaners,
So these are for Don.


Two antennae meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies,"Yes, I'm positive..."

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home. "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says, "It's Not Unusual."

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed; is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Li Chen. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I didn't see any.

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

[RSVX]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[b3lha]

A man entered his local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different
puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no
pun in ten did.

[Aredubjay]

Oh. THAT Henny Youngman.

Take my wife. PLEASE!

For our anniversary, I'm taking my wife somewhere she's never been before. The kitchen.

[Ron Mummert]

Bravo, Larry.

PS - You can have your Powerball ticket back now, as it didn't perform as well as I thought it would.

Ron.

I went fishing the other day, just for the halibut.





Dave

My neighbor once said I should turn down my radio. I thanked him for the sound advice.





Dave

[Andy]

It's better to love a short girl than not a tall

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still

When the human cannonball retired they couldn't find a replacement of the right caliber

My two uncles bet who would get married first. Then one upped the ante

[Subafreak]

You guys are TFM, and I got nothing.

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.




Dave

[RSVX]

One of my firends that posts on another forums posted this:

Im going to hawaii for a week [...EDITED...] also going to check out volcanic sites. should be a blast.

Anyone else see the irony?

[zarmien]

One bright morning in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other. Drew thier swords and shot each other. The deaf Policeman heard the noise came and arrested the two dead boys. If you don't belive the lies are true, ask the blind man her saw it too!

[Aredubjay]

Originally posted by zarmien
ask the blind man her saw it too!

[SVXphile]

I finally found this thread....good ones Larry!

Zarmien.....my Dad used to recite that one to me when I was
but a wee lad. It must have been around awhile. I hadn't heard
it for years! Cool!

Don

[LarryIII]

Don,

I heard that your 'light' house tour was real 'heavy'.