Live Chat!
SVX or Subaru Links
Old Lockers
Photo Post
How-To Documents
Message Archive
SVX Shop Search
|
SVX Network Forums Live Chat! SVX or Subaru Links Old Lockers Photo Post How-To Documents Message Archive SVX Shop Search |
IRC users: |
|
#1
03-05-2006, 10:59 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Chuck Norris...Nuff said.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. Chuck Norris owns neither microwave nor oven. When he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" to his food, and out of fear, the food instantly catches on fire. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane". Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch. Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days. Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with. Chuck Norris does not see dead people; he makes people dead. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "****ing." There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down! There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die. Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. An apple a day does not keep Chuck Norris away. Only sacrificing your first born child keeps Chuck Norris away... sometimes. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Chuck Norris loves you. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but Chuck Norris knows why. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Might be a repost, but funny nonetheless.
__________________
The member formerly known as Civic_Slayer 1992 "Robins egg blue" SVX Originally Claret 147k- CURRENT 1992 Pearly 187K and climbing (11-91) #964 *retired 1992 Pearl SVX 122500 miles #86 FASTAR THAN THE OLD ONE.*SOLD  Everytime I get into my car, it always reminds me that it has POWER 
|
|
#2
03-05-2006, 11:15 PM
|
||||
|
||||
__________________
Alan 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 1997 SVX LSi (Ebony) SOLD! 2005 Legacy GT (Silver) [Cobb Stg 2+] SOLD! 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 2005 Forester XT Premium (Crystal Gray Metallic) SOLD! 2008 Lancer Evolution X MR (Apex Silver) [Cobb Stg 1+] 2015 Outlander Sport 2.4GT AWD (Mercury Gray) 2013 G37xS (Obsidian Black) Last edited by Landshark; 03-06-2006 at 10:22 AM.
|
|
#3
03-06-2006, 06:56 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
i call bs on most of that stuff if not all ha
|
|
#4
03-06-2006, 04:11 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
CN is way over played now... the paintball community started that over a year ago, its just getting really, really old now... let it die, TR had a run here
__________________
98 Impreza Wago-O-Doom & Datsun Roadsters 
|
|
#5
03-06-2006, 06:08 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
Turbo Regals had a run here? Cool 
|
|
#6
03-06-2006, 08:06 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Chuck noris can kick my arse, and act as well as vin diesel...well...not that well...not even close.
__________________
.Karl. Southwest members, click here to check in!CA,NV,AZ,UT,NM,OR,CO Wanted...your busted SVX! Watch out Earl, I'm comin to getchya  Return of the Pissed Platypus! X2 My dream (other than a pearlie) 1.8 SVXi and a laguna blue spoiler...somewhere I decided to quit drinking, but I didn't like it so I quit not drinking.
|
|
#7
03-06-2006, 09:47 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
^^^what this bloke said. who started this chuck norris crap anyway? i see it on a few forums and i have yet to see teh funny. emo jackass skater: chuck norris Noir: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....uhhh....404 funnay not found. <Noir lynches the emo jackass skater> Last edited by Noir; 03-06-2006 at 09:50 PM.
|
|
#8
03-06-2006, 10:46 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
it started with Vin Diesel (wasn't funny then), and then we got to see it all over again by substituting Chuck Norris for Vin Diesel. maybe teh funnAy will finally be found if Mr. T is used instead?  
__________________
Alan 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 1997 SVX LSi (Ebony) SOLD! 2005 Legacy GT (Silver) [Cobb Stg 2+] SOLD! 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 2005 Forester XT Premium (Crystal Gray Metallic) SOLD! 2008 Lancer Evolution X MR (Apex Silver) [Cobb Stg 1+] 2015 Outlander Sport 2.4GT AWD (Mercury Gray) 2013 G37xS (Obsidian Black)
|
|
#9
03-06-2006, 11:06 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
yeah, i don't see how substituting Vin Diesel or Mr. T in place of Chuck Norris would be funny. then again i'm probably not hopped up on some psychedelic drug either. maybe i should be.  those who thought this crap up should follow my avatar's lead and DIAF.
|
|
#10
03-06-2006, 11:09 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
man, i didn't read any of those listed above before i made my other posts. i just glanced at a few of em and wanted to stab my eyes out. 
|
|
#11
03-06-2006, 11:12 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
use Harry the Jackass instead of Chuck Norris/Vin Diesel. LOLOLOLOLOLOL
__________________
Alan 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 1997 SVX LSi (Ebony) SOLD! 2005 Legacy GT (Silver) [Cobb Stg 2+] SOLD! 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 2005 Forester XT Premium (Crystal Gray Metallic) SOLD! 2008 Lancer Evolution X MR (Apex Silver) [Cobb Stg 1+] 2015 Outlander Sport 2.4GT AWD (Mercury Gray) 2013 G37xS (Obsidian Black)
|
|
#12
03-06-2006, 11:13 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
|
#13
03-06-2006, 11:16 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
....And to kill it completely....
Chuck norris knows that the last number of pi is "Chuck Norris" Chuck norris told Vin diesel that it would be way cooler to ride a metal lunch tray down a handrailing rather than run down the stairs. The sudden shock from Chuck Norris' roudhouse kicks cures cancer. Nobody that he has kicked has dies of cancer. instead...they die from the kick Chuck Norris made a mountian so big that even he couldnt climb it. Okay...now that I have officially killed any humor that was left, im going to bed
__________________
R.I.P Cool Signature. You're gone but not forgotten. I mean, sure, I kindof don't remember some of the finer details..but I remember you were funny, and at one point you said spaghetti in Dutch....but definantly not forgotten
|
|
#14
03-07-2006, 08:19 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
wore the F5 right off the key when I found that page. or maybe it was the beer.
__________________
Matt Locker Link 2015 BRZ Limited 6MT 92 Ebony LS-L ECUtune Stage2av1, Z32 MAF, 370cc injectors, TomsSVX intake, BontragerWorks 22mm RSB #003, HID Hi and Lo beams, OT endlink and bushing mods, PWR Aluminum radiator, Harvey's QC shift kit, 2.5" flowmaster 80 exhaust, 17" Michelin Pilot Sport A/S, Poly sway bar bushings, Slotted Bradi rotors, AFBeefcake powdercoated calipers, 97 grill, and a huge set of air horns. 300,000 miles and counting 92 Ebony LS-L. ecutune stage1v4, motorsport 1pc pulley. Garage Queen - sold to Dad in upstate NY 155,000 miles 19 Subaru Ascent Premium - -Hers !. 89 DL 4x4 little red wagon - a.k.a. The immortal suby. 275k R.I.P.
|
|
#15
03-07-2006, 08:30 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Read that on another forum but I still think I could take him.
Maybe not at Counterstrike, but I could beat him in a fight.
__________________
"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." '92 Dark Teal SVX LS-L, >146,000m 3 pedals, 5 speeds., restoration underway. 2012 Honda Insight, slow but cute.
|
 |
|
|
Linear Mode
