respect thy elder

[tubbstcg]

Ok so for the last year my lifes been pretty much crap. Three years ago my mom passed away and left me in the care of my dad and his sis. Since then i have found out my dad is hooked on cocaine/crack and same for my aunt im living in this filthy home and the only time i hear from them is when the want me to clean it. I have been getting a ss check for my moms passing which my dad promptly spends on w/e on top of his 40 dollar an hour job. And on top of all of this ive been ill for the past year from some mystery ailment that has the docters stumped, which makes it hard to go to school let alone get a job and get out of here. On top of that my aunt said y dont you just go ahead and drop out of school (due to me missing from being sick) and become a drug dealer. I made a 4.0 this semester, and am planning to study to be a pharm tech as a job while im taking courses for my pharmacy degree. I either don't have enough of a backbone or have been taught to never talk back to elders so i just sit and take all of this and more. I felt as though i was going to blow up this fine f***** morning so i had to vent.

[YourConfused]

The middle finger has more than one use.
How bad does it have to get before self preservation kicks in?
I am sure you are intelligent enough to know the answer to the question you are asking, but just wanting confirmation from someone else to make up your mind for you. Maybe you aunt has a point and just isn't that great at conveying it, but yet the point still is there.

[tubbstcg]

I just keep thinking if the docs by some miracle can figure out whats wrong with me i can get a job and be out the door I'm two weeks away from being 18. I also don't want to do anything to make my stay here in this hell hole any worse in case I'm laid up for another year. once i graduate I can probably go live with my moms family but I'm stuck in my senior year of high school.

[lhopp77]

Very simple. As soon as you turn 18 go live with your mom's family--don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Get out of that lousy negative environment and FINISH SCHOOL no matter how hard you have to try to do it. Elders on drugs don't deserve ANY respect and advice like your aunt's will end you up in jail.

Lee

[MadMaxSvx]

Originally Posted by lhopp77

Very simple. As soon as you turn 18 go live with your mom's family--don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Get out of that lousy negative environment and FINISH SCHOOL no matter how hard you have to try to do it. Elders on drugs don't deserve ANY respect and advice like your aunt's will end you up in jail.

Lee

That is the best advice for you boy, its the same i think, jusg GET OUT OF THERE FAST!

REMEMBER:

1-Elders on drugs dont deserve any respect.
2-That home is a bad environment for you.
3-Finishing school is the key to a good future for you.

[svxistentialist]

Exactly what Lee said.

You have my respect young fellow. You have your mind focused on your career and what you want to be. Where you are this minute is a negative place to be. Move out and move on.

Bide your two weeks and then do the right thing for your future. Don't look back. Your Mom will be proud of you.

Joe

[SilverSpear]

Sorry I might be the extremist around here, but I say that you will be doing a huge favor for your dad and aunt if you turn them to the police or a rehab centre. At least you will be saving them from something that you might regret later on if you don't act accordingly.

I highly respect your courage and your ambition but to be a pharmacist, I think this is great. And a true pharmacist believes in the codes of health and preservation of life, do not forget that.

Again this is what I would do if I were you, now you're on your own.

[shotking]

Originally Posted by SilverSpear

Sorry I might be the extremist around here, but I say that you will be doing a huge favor for your dad and aunt if you turn them to the police or a rehab centre. At least you will be saving them from something that you might regret later on if you don't act accordingly.

I highly respect your courage and your ambition but to be a pharmacist, I think this is great. And a true pharmacist believes in the codes of health and preservation of life, do not forget that.

Again this is what I would do if I were you, now you're on your own.

I agree with Danny.

[bwb3]

With Social Security, once you turn 18 the checks start coming to you, in your name, until you graduate from school. My son's mom also passed away and when he turned 18 in January, he got the checks through the end of high school in June. So stay in school and give SS a new address to send them to.
Gene

[svxistentialist]

Originally Posted by shotking

I agree with Danny.

I don't, I think it's daft.

The guy will be doing well to take care of his own health and welfare in the circumstances. He does not need at this point the onus of trying to do the right thing for others. Others who chose the road they are on. Others who could make things difficult for him, as if things were not bad enough already.

Rehab does not work for people unless they opt to go themselves. He would not be helping them, he'd be riling them. He does not need any more crap on his plate than he already has.

Let him provide for his own future and welfare first, then later try and help others from a position of strength.

[BoxerFanatic]

Originally Posted by tubbstcg

Ok so for the last year my lifes been pretty much crap. Three years ago my mom passed away and left me in the care of my dad and his sis.

I am sorry for your loss, and for your hardship. It sounds like it really does indeed suck.

Since then i have found out my dad is hooked on cocaine/crack and same for my aunt im living in this filthy home and the only time i hear from them is when the want me to clean it.

IF they are using illegal substances, they are not competent to raise you, and you sound old enough to work through mostly on your own. If you don't think it will put you at risk, you should let authorities know. What job does he hold that he can be on drugs... does his employment do drug testing on their employees?

If you must live there, spend as little time there as possible. make yourself scarce. spend time with freinds, find a library, or other public place to spend your time, if you can. What are the adults going to do to you? If they try something violent, report it, otherwise avoid them as much as you can. Don't make yourself available to take their crap.

I have been getting a ss check for my moms passing which my dad promptly spends on w/e on top of his 40 dollar an hour job.

If you are the beneficiary of the social security, then YOU get the money. try to make sure he can't or doesn't get the opportunity to cash the check, if needed tell him he can live on his income, and you'll live on that... and stay as separate as possible. This person, as you describe, isn't respectable.

If you have your own bank account, make sure they don't have access, don't have their names on your personal checks, and then see if Social Security Administration will auto-deposit into that account. Cut off their access if you have a legitimate way to do so.

And on top of all of this ive been ill for the past year from some mystery ailment that has the docters stumped, which makes it hard to go to school let alone get a job and get out of here.

That is unfortunate... but it seems like your illness coincides with your relocation to this situation. Some illnesses are caused by environmental stimuli... black mold, or all sorts of other things.

Getting out of that place might clear out some of your symptoms. See if you can make sure you aren't exposing yourself to nasty chemicals. Talk to your doctor about whether your illness symptoms could be caused by exposure to something. Make sure your room and bedding are as clean as they reasonably can be. You sleep and breathe on that for hours at a time.

If you are concerned about it, try to prepare your own drinks and food, if you can. avoid the tap water if there might be a problem with it... Buy water from the grocery store, or something, that you know is pure.

A lack of obvious infection or injury, but protracted symptoms does sometimes leave environmental contaminants as the cause.

It seems odd that you weren't ill before, but illness has come along with your current situation. sometimes it isn't coincidence.

On top of that my aunt said y dont you just go ahead and drop out of school (due to me missing from being sick) and become a drug dealer. I made a 4.0 this semester, and am planning to study to be a pharm tech as a job while im taking courses for my pharmacy degree.

First of all, what your aunt suggests should be blatantly OBVIOUSLY ABSOLUTELY NOT ANYTHING YOU SHOULD EVEN CONSIDER DOING. It also immediately disqualifies anything else she suggests, and renders her opinion irrelevant, and unworthy of respect. She does not have your best interests at heart, nor does it seem that your father does. If they aren't looking out for YOU, then you have less obligation to obey them.

Congratulations on your grades, and kudos to you to be motivated to a respectable and upstanding career direction. Substance abuse, dealing, or anything like that will INSTANTLY disqualify you to dispense legal medications, though. DON'T cut yourself off like that.

Don't drop out of school. See if there is any way you can correspond by computer with your teachers, via video chat, or something... if you can't be in school some days... explore any avenue to have flexibility to continue to work toward graduation. Make sure they understand, and not just nod their head to your medical issues... but you also have to make every effort to do what you have to do. It will be rough, but it will be worth it not to cut yourself off at the knees, in terms of education. Don't let anyone around you cut you off either.

I either don't have enough of a backbone or have been taught to never talk back to elders so i just sit and take all of this and more. I felt as though i was going to blow up this fine f***** morning so i had to vent.

Politeness and respect are admirable qualities, but they are not a suicide pact. They don't require you to sacrifice yourself for others that don't respect you in kind, and they certainly are not, as you describe.

Honor thy father and mother is a commandment. But that is not without the reciprocal expectation that a father and mother have a singular purpose to protect and foster their children. The relationship is obviously broken well before now. While grudges don't do any good to hold... if the relationship is already broken, then you need to protect yourself if no one else will. That has to come first, before paying respect to people who aren't worthy of any.

Ronald Reagan once said something to the effect that Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness are intrinsic rights, but without the right to LIFE first, those other rights are a moot point.

Sometimes it boils down to doing what is right, and necessary, before doing what is polite and respectful. Politeness and respectfullness are not doing you any favors here, and they are falling on the deaf ears of your family members.

That doesn't mean you should be dis-respectful, and cause them trouble. You don't sound like that sort. You need to be you, and if no one is protecting you, it may be unfortunate, and difficult, but you need to find ways, look for support from other sources, and protect yourself. Your elders should be doing that, and they are not, and respect is not a one-way street.

You shouldn't have to do this alone. but if your dad, and your aunt are being destructive forces in your life, then you need other support. Freinds, and maybe even their parents... Do you have extended family, perhaps on your mom's side? It may sound corny... but a good teacher, or an actually competent school counselor? Are there any YMCAs around, or other teen-age groups outside of school? It sounds like you need to look for support outside your house.

Vent here, or on other appropriate forums... but don't give out personally identifying information about you or others, even your time-precise location on the public internet. But virtual discussion is not the same as real-world support. There are security issues, and support works best in person.

If there is anything that a stranger on the internet can do for you, let me or us know...

This crack house you are living in is not the whole world, and you need to be out of it as much as possible. Merely asking the questions you asked shows more potential than should be allowed to fall into that mess.

NEVER sell yourself short. Fight if you have to, but fight for what matters, and what counts, and fighting is most effective without fists or weapons. Fighting is best done with heart and mind.

[SilverSpear]

Originally Posted by svxistentialist

I don't, I think it's daft.

The guy will be doing well to take care of his own health and welfare in the circumstances. He does not need at this point the onus of trying to do the right thing for others. Others who chose the road they are on. Others who could make things difficult for him, as if things were not bad enough already.

Rehab does not work for people unless they opt to go themselves. He would not be helping them, he'd be riling them. He does not need any more crap on his plate than he already has.

Let him provide for his own future and welfare first, then later try and help others from a position of strength.

Come on Joe, later? What if later is too late... what will he be thinking of when he becomes a Pharmacist? Wish I stopped dad from taking crack, at least I could have saved him from that overdose?

I see all his problems coming ONLY from that issue right now, if he goes that path (rehab or police) at least he will be doing good for everybody. His dad and aunt might be cured, he will live in a clean home, he can actually bring chicks to his house (clean), he can focus on his studies without his aunt telling him "quit school", he can.... and finally he would clear his conscious from his responsibility towards saving his dad.

[MadMaxSvx]

Originally Posted by svxistentialist

I don't, I think it's daft.

The guy will be doing well to take care of his own health and welfare in the circumstances. He does not need at this point the onus of trying to do the right thing for others. Others who chose the road they are on. Others who could make things difficult for him, as if things were not bad enough already.

Rehab does not work for people unless they opt to go themselves. He would not be helping them, he'd be riling them. He does not need any more crap on his plate than he already has.

Let him provide for his own future and welfare first, then later try and help others from a position of strength.

I cant agree with you more. He needs to leave this behind, he is drowning, so he needs to reach a safe place and later, from OUTSIDE, help the others, because, how can anyone in great need of help, save another person?

[tubbstcg]

Thx for all the replies i was feeling really low this morning. I hear what you are saying about turning my dad and aunt inbut my thing is it might make it worse around here or worse jepordize me a place to stay. Im going to be 18 soon then he has no legal responsiblity over me and i am for to sick to do work and i feel my doc is pretty in compitent (me being sick for the better part of a year ) . Besides my dad wasnt the best of guys b4 the drugs. I didnt use to have a problem with it but i guess crack and coke arent as friendly as the drug i knew as a child ( my mom was a pot smoker). Appearently its more an adiction i just dnt get why he had to spend my ss on not food and not schoool and not car or other teenage things when he is a charge nurse at a pretty big hosp here in WV. The man can have w/e bad habits make him happy as long as they dnt effect me but hes not following the rules of live and let live. Hes "stolen" over 35,000 dollars i could of had for school.
I have talked to friends but its senior year everyone cares too much for them and their futures right now. I have also talked to my youth group that i go to whenever i get a chance. I'm sure they could help if push came to shove but at this point they are just a kind ear for me to vent. I do beleive i will be tremendously better once i am cured, im fairly self motivated and love to push my self after being sick for a year the last thing i want to do is continue this sedintary circus of human decay (sound like a new heavy metal band lol) I dont know there is more venting for you subaru ppl. Oh yeah and dads started taking parts from my svx to keep his going gah. " to every down there is an up" at this point i should hit the lotto jackpot lol

[svxistentialist]

Life's a beech sure enough young fellow.

Keep your eye on your goals and get yourself out from there. You deserve better, and make damn sure you get it.