Dangling rubber? Another fine Ripimoff product saves the day.

Ron Mummert · #1 02-09-2005, 09:04 PM

Hey, all you anal SVXers! Having trouble keeping dates? Does your latest hottie turn her back, look at her watch, tell you she forgot to water her cactii, & briskly walk away when you offer her entrance to your pride & joy? You know what I'm talking about. Forget tranny, bearing & rotor stuff....even backwards wheels can go un-noticed by even the most discriminating of female companions.

But when she spies your rubber askew, your credibllity as a connoisseur of concours automobilia hits the toilet. You're now judged a slob driving the wheeled equivalent of your freshman dorm room after a Superbowl party.
We know.... All SVXers have suffered, or will suffer that most perplexing of protection malfunctions. That's right. The dreaded "Funny Window Rubber Seal Sag Syndrome" (FWRSSS).
Yup. It's that pesky little corner piece of weather sealing at the top/right of the door where it hits the "funny window" that ALWAYS eventually cracks & POKES OUT!! This is the little nightmare that simply laughs at duct (duck) tape!

Sure, I know a lot of you only enter & exit your prized vehicle through the trunk (boot) with the rear seat perpetually lowered, just to avoid FWRSSS, but this egress method is difficult to explain to chicks (birds), especially on the first date.

Well, at last.....RIPIMOFF INDUSTRIES has provided the long sought solution to the embarrassment of FWRSSS.

That's right folks, the ex-WMD scientists here at RIPIMOFF Laboratories have finally developed the formula to forever solve YOUR FWRSSS dilemma. Combining Bedoin nomad know-how with rare exotic ingredients, RIPIMOFF Labs now offers you its very own RTV (reconstituted turkey vomit) solution!

Simply peel back that split, cracked & dangling eyesore, & fill the hollow cavity with the RIPIMOFF miracle goo, easily dispensed from the unique "squeeze tube". Then gently mold the rubber back to its original Giugiaro approved position & let it dry.

And....VIOLA! After a quick drying time of under two weeks (or until the stench dissipates), your once neighborhood blighting FWRSSS problem has been cured!!!
I have personally tested this product & find it has stood up to over TWO DOZEN door open & closing sequences!!

NOW you're back in the saddle - thanks to RIPIMOFF!

To order your tube of RIPIMOFF Miracle RTV, simply send $19.99 in cash or certified check to: RIPIMOFF INDUSTRIES, RTV division, 666 Great Satan Way, Kirkuk, Iraq. (Our new address) We'll rush you your very own tube of Miracle RTV within only three months of receiving & investing your payment.

Wait... there's more! Act today (OK, tomorrow's good enough) & we'll include a second tube of Miracle RTV... now enough to do the driver's door as well, for only an additional $9.00. Don't forget to add $29.99 S & H.

And if for any reason you're not satisfied with this fabulous product, don't forget RIPIMOFF'S exclusive no-return policy.

But we're sure your going to be elated with the results, & will be chanting the product slogan - "Let the FWRSSS NOT be with me"!

Ron (Chairman of the bored, RIPIMOFF INDUSTRIES).

ensteele · #2 02-09-2005, 09:55 PM

This needs to be either in the For Sale / Wanted to buy forum, or the Mod section! Shame on you!

Do you have any sound or video clips of the girls (birds) squeeling with glee after seeing your repair job? I am sooooo tempted after seeing this product advertised here. I may not be able to order this today because I just ordered the sound upgrade disks from another member here.

I will try to get my order in by tomorrow!

I can hardly wait. I am always so embaressed when someone notices my FWRSSS!

Maybe now I can score!

Speedklix · #3 02-09-2005, 10:19 PM

I'm not sure what amazes me more, the fact that you just wrote all that... or the fact that I just read it all!

Chiketkd · #4 02-09-2005, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Speedklix
I'm not sure what amazes me more, the fact that you just wrote all that... or the fact that I just read it all!

I'm guilty too!

Ron never ceases to amaze me!

-Chike

ensteele · #5 02-09-2005, 10:50 PM

Remember - He is only here for the money $$$$$

svxcess · #6 02-09-2005, 10:54 PM

Ron,

Are you going to give Earl a 15% discount (case of 12) so that he can immunize 6 of his 7 cars against the dreaded FWRSSS?

(Deep down we all know you secretly yearn to be a "closet telemarketer")

SVXRide · #7 02-09-2005, 11:12 PM

Pics! Pics! We want Pics!
-Bill

LarryIII · #8 02-10-2005, 04:50 AM

Oh Great Rondini,

Thank you for saving us from a fate worse than CGIU (can't get it up) syndrome.

I wish to get 3 tubes of Ripimoff Idustries Miracle RTV, and I won't be out bid by Earl this time.

I plan to sculpt the RTV into an exact likeness of (we don't need no steenkin' yella cars) the one and only AREDUBJAY (my hero).

Rotorflyr · #9 02-10-2005, 06:30 AM

Good Box O Wine huh Ron?

I too would like a case of this Miracle product, one can never have to much of a good thing!

Oh and a bonnet is in front of the car covering the engine (hood), the hatch in the back (trunk) is a boot!
(has british/irish/austrialin friends)

Ron Mummert · #10 02-10-2005, 06:59 AM

Oh and a bonnet is in front of the car covering the engine (hood), the hatch in the back (trunk) is a boot!
(has british/irish/austrialin friends) [/B][/QUOTE]

Thanks - correction noted. I've had my middle-Eastern proof-reader's pinky amputated as a reminder of his incompetance.
There is no excuse for shoddy performance here at RAPIMOFF.

Ron (Be sure to do a SEARCH for other stand-out RIPIMOFF products).

CigarJohnny · #11 02-10-2005, 12:06 PM

Subject is "dangling rubbers"... I cautiously clicked the link and what is the first line I see? "Hey, all you anal SVXers!" I stopped reading it right there. This is a family site you know.

Shame on you, Ron! And the mods have not locked it down yet.

Johnny

oab_au · #12 02-10-2005, 04:48 PM

Arh Ron, I'm worried for you.

I think s**t has happened.

Harvey.

oab_au · #13 02-10-2005, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rotorflyr
Good Box O Wine huh Ron?
I too would like a case of this Miracle product, one can never have to much of a good thing!

Oh and a bonnet is in front of the car covering the engine (hood), the hatch in the back (trunk) is a boot!
(has british/irish/austrialin friends)

(has british/irish/austrialin friends)

You won't have them for long, if you don't spell AUSTRALIAN right.

Harvey.

lee · #14 02-10-2005, 05:56 PM

Ron,

I NEED some of this product, but I'm just the tiniest bit short of cash. If you'll get some for me I promise to send you the money I get from commission on the chips to improve your CD performance (just as soon as some of the SVX forum deadbeats send me their five bucks). Honest Ron, you know you can trust me. Right? Right? Ron...Ron, where did you go?

Ron Mummert · #15 02-10-2005, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lee
Ron,

I NEED some of this product, but I'm just the tiniest bit short of cash. If you'll get some for me I promise to send you the money I get from commission on the chips to improve your CD performance (just as soon as some of the SVX forum deadbeats send me their five bucks). Honest Ron, you know you can trust me. Right? Right? Ron...Ron, where did you go?

There, there, Lee. (actually, here, here).
I feel your pain, & I truly understand the embarassment FWRSSS has caused you. But due to an unprecedented demand for this new product, even surpassing the highly successful Mini-Turbo Charcoal Enhancer, RIPIMOFF's highly skilled scientists have been strapped to keep up with the demand. And believe me, I personally strap them every morning. So, regretably, Lee, even though I trust you to make good on any credit that I'd bestow upon you, it could be over 5 months now that a fresh batch of Miracle RTV could be shipped maybe, possibly, hopefully.

However, as a gesture of good will, I will be offering a free sample of the product...yes, FREE! (you know how painful the "F" word is to RIPIMOFF), at the forthcoming Reading meet, to the first three arrivees showing me their dangling rubber.
If you could leave sunny Florida a day or two early, I'm sure you'd be at the head of the line.

Good luck with the audio chip. I'm sure you'll eventually hawk enough of them to pay for enough 92 octane to get you as far the Georgia border, or at least as far as your crowd of "satisfied" customers can chase you. See you in Pennsylvania!

Ron.