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#1
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Test from Aredub's Uncle
Uncle Dub's Test and Comments. This is what he sent to me.
Redneck IQ Tess ah's sick an' tired of hearin' about how dumb varmints is in th' South. ah challenge enny so-called smart Yankee t'take this hyar exam: 1. Calculate th' smalless limb diameter on a persimmon tree thet will suppo't a 10 poun' postum, dawgone it. 2. Which of these cars will rest out th' quickess when placed on blocks in yer front yard? (A) '65 Fo'd Fairlane (B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, (C) '64 Pontiac GTO, (D) '92 Subaru SVX. 3. Eff'n yer uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine prodooced per hour, how menny car radiato's is required t'condense th' produck? 4. A woodcutter has a chainsar, which operates at 2700 RPM. Th' density of th' pine trees in th' plot t'be harvested is 470 per acre. Th' plot is 2.3 acres in size. Th' avahage tree diameter is 14 inches. How menny Budweizzus will be drunk befo'e th' trees is cut down? 5. Eff'n ev'ry old refrigerato' in th' state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, whut'd be th' percentage decrease in th' ozone layer? 6. A front po'ch is cornstrucked of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers wif a field rock foun'ashun. Th' span is 8 feet an' th' po'ch len'th is 16 feet. Th' po'ch flore is 1-inch rough sarn pine. When th' po'ch collapses, how menny houn' houn'dogs will be killed? 7. A man owns a Tennessee house an' 3.7 acres of lan' in a holler wif an avahage slope of 15%. Th' man has five chillun. Kin etch of his grown chillun place a mobile home on th' man's lan' an' still haf 'nuff propuhty fo' their eleckric appliances t'set out front? 8. A 2-ton truck is on overloaded an' proceedin' 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. Th' brakes fail, ah reckon. Given avahage traffic corndishuns on secondary roads, whut is th' probability thet it will strike a vehicle wif a muffler? 9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Divishun 2 Hazarjus Area. Th' mine employs 120 miners per shif'. A gas warnin' is issued at th' beginnin' of th' 3rd shif'. How menny cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked durin' this hyar shif'? 10. At a reduckshun in th' june pool variability rate of 7.5% per junerashun, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by th' interstate highway t'breed a country an' western singer? ah betcha thunk thet tess was gonna be an easy one, didn't yo'? It's okay eff'n yo' didn't does all thet fine. Jest goes t'show yo'. Thar's a hole heap of thin's thet trimenjus city book larnin' doesn't prepare yo' fo' in this hyar life. As an added bonus fo' takin' th' "REDNECK CHALLENGE" hyar's some Southern advice thet may come in han'y down th' road a piece. "Next time yer too drunk t'drive, walk t'th' nearess pizza shop an' place an o'der. When they hoof it to delivah it, ketch a ride home wif 'em, dawgone it."
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. Earl .... ... .... ><SVX(*> Subaru Ambassador [COLOR=”silver”]1992 Tri Color L[/COLOR] ~45K (06/91) #2430 1992 Dark Teal LS-L ~184K (05/91) #0739 1992 Claret LS-L ~196K (05/91) #0831 1992 Pearl LS-L ~103K (06/91) #1680 1992 Pearl LS-L ~151K (06/91) #2229 1992 Dark Teal LS ~150K (07/91) #3098 (parts car) 1992 White LS-L ~139K (08/92) #6913 1993 25th AE ~98K (02/93) #164 1993 25th AE ~58K (02/93) #176 1993 25th AE ~107K (02/93) #215 1993 25th AE ~162K (02/93) #223 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~124K (1/94) #2408 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~144K (10/93) #1484 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~68K (10/93) #1525 1994 Barcelona Red LSi ~46K (02/94) #2624 1994 Pearl LSi ~41K (12/93) #1961 1995 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~70K (02/95) #855 1996 Polo Green LSi ~95K (03/96) #872 1997 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~55K (08/96) #097 2003 Brilliant Red LS1 Convertible ~29K (04/03) #8951 1999 Magnetic Red LS1 Coupe ~33K (04/99) #6420 My Email | Old Locker | New Locker | Picture of 15 of the 19 Last edited by ensteele; 10-16-2005 at 05:13 PM. |
#2
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Just reading & understanding that quiz is an accomplishment in itself!
-Chike
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"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato 2013 Cosmic Blue 5spd Evo X GSR 2006 Galaxy Gray 6MT RX-8 (sold) 2006 Steel Gray WRX TR (sold) 1996 Brilliant Red SVX L (sold) |
#3
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I'm tempted to translate it into something one can read at a brisk pace.
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"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." '92 Dark Teal SVX LS-L, >146,000m 3 pedals, 5 speeds., restoration underway. 2012 Honda Insight, slow but cute. |
#4
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http://snltranscripts.jt.org/86/86lwhitetrash2.phtml
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/86/86lwhitetrash1.phtml
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ASE Certified Master Automotive Technician w/L1. ASE Certified Master Medium/Heavy Truck Technician. Certified EVT (Emergency Vehicle Technician) |
#5
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could someone translate into brail?? I think i have just gone blind reading that...
Tom |
#6
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I passed!!! (He exclaimed while snapping his suspenders with his thumbs.)
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Robert Is Bush in jail yet? (Looks frantically at watch, then back up) How about now? Now? Come onnnnnn...... Someone freeze me until January, this wait is killing me. Update: 09 January, and still not in jail! Wassup?? 1992 Teal LS-L - 160k (Now new and improved with perfect paint!) |
#7
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Quote:
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Kenneth 1997 Subaru SVX LSi "Svetlana" #185 of 640 - 09/1996 - Polo Green Pearl - 34k miles 1992 Subaru SVX LS-L "Everett" #8738 - 01/1992 - Ebony Pearl - 139k miles - 5MT shifty - Sold 07/31/2011 1992 Subaru SVX LS-L "Sven" #1599 - 05/1991 - Claret - 168k miles - Traded 05/11/2005 2023 Subaru Crosstrek Limited CVT - Crystal White Pearl - 2.8k miles 2021 Subaru Forester 2.5i Limited CVT - Horizon Blue Pearl - 17k miles 2023 Volkswagen Jetta S 6MT - Pure White - 2.6k miles 2020 Hyundai Ioniq Limited EV - Ceramic White - 30k miles |
#8
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Easy
Man, any 6th grader from Arkansas can ace that one.
Lee
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SVXx2 92 SVX LS-L Silver 92 SVX LS-L Burgundy (structurally challenged with 2792 miles) 96 SVX LSi Red 92 SVX LS Pearl (Parts) 01 F150 4X4 Red (+6 with other members of the family) FREEDOM IS NOT FREE |
#9
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what does this have to do with teh SVX?
Earl, could you move your thread to the OT section before you have to give yourself a timeout.
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Alan 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 1997 SVX LSi (Ebony) SOLD! 2005 Legacy GT (Silver) [Cobb Stg 2+] SOLD! 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 2005 Forester XT Premium (Crystal Gray Metallic) SOLD! 2008 Lancer Evolution X MR (Apex Silver) [Cobb Stg 1+] 2015 Outlander Sport 2.4GT AWD (Mercury Gray) 2013 G37xS (Obsidian Black) |
#10
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Here is the translation of the test for some of you who don't understand the language.
Redneck IQ Test I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam: 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? (A) '65 Ford Fairlane (B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or (C) '64 Pontiac GTO. (D) '92 Subaru SVX 3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product? 4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down? 5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer? 6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? 7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front? 8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler? 9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during this shift? 10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate highway to breed a country and western singer? I betcha thought that test was gonna be an easy one, didn't you? It's okay if you didn't do all that well. Just goes to show you. There's a hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare you for in this life. As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE" here's some Southern advice that may come in handy down the road a piece. Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with 'em.
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. Earl .... ... .... ><SVX(*> Subaru Ambassador [COLOR=”silver”]1992 Tri Color L[/COLOR] ~45K (06/91) #2430 1992 Dark Teal LS-L ~184K (05/91) #0739 1992 Claret LS-L ~196K (05/91) #0831 1992 Pearl LS-L ~103K (06/91) #1680 1992 Pearl LS-L ~151K (06/91) #2229 1992 Dark Teal LS ~150K (07/91) #3098 (parts car) 1992 White LS-L ~139K (08/92) #6913 1993 25th AE ~98K (02/93) #164 1993 25th AE ~58K (02/93) #176 1993 25th AE ~107K (02/93) #215 1993 25th AE ~162K (02/93) #223 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~124K (1/94) #2408 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~144K (10/93) #1484 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~68K (10/93) #1525 1994 Barcelona Red LSi ~46K (02/94) #2624 1994 Pearl LSi ~41K (12/93) #1961 1995 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~70K (02/95) #855 1996 Polo Green LSi ~95K (03/96) #872 1997 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~55K (08/96) #097 2003 Brilliant Red LS1 Convertible ~29K (04/03) #8951 1999 Magnetic Red LS1 Coupe ~33K (04/99) #6420 My Email | Old Locker | New Locker | Picture of 15 of the 19 Last edited by ensteele; 10-16-2005 at 05:12 PM. |
#11
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Quote:
It is in the "Not Exactly SVX" Forum isn't it?
__________________
. Earl .... ... .... ><SVX(*> Subaru Ambassador [COLOR=”silver”]1992 Tri Color L[/COLOR] ~45K (06/91) #2430 1992 Dark Teal LS-L ~184K (05/91) #0739 1992 Claret LS-L ~196K (05/91) #0831 1992 Pearl LS-L ~103K (06/91) #1680 1992 Pearl LS-L ~151K (06/91) #2229 1992 Dark Teal LS ~150K (07/91) #3098 (parts car) 1992 White LS-L ~139K (08/92) #6913 1993 25th AE ~98K (02/93) #164 1993 25th AE ~58K (02/93) #176 1993 25th AE ~107K (02/93) #215 1993 25th AE ~162K (02/93) #223 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~124K (1/94) #2408 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~144K (10/93) #1484 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~68K (10/93) #1525 1994 Barcelona Red LSi ~46K (02/94) #2624 1994 Pearl LSi ~41K (12/93) #1961 1995 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~70K (02/95) #855 1996 Polo Green LSi ~95K (03/96) #872 1997 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~55K (08/96) #097 2003 Brilliant Red LS1 Convertible ~29K (04/03) #8951 1999 Magnetic Red LS1 Coupe ~33K (04/99) #6420 My Email | Old Locker | New Locker | Picture of 15 of the 19 |
#12
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Quote:
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#13
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As the local neighbor representative for the Evil Empire (ie: NY Yankee fan), I am obligated to pick up the gauntlet and take this test. My answers are in bold and red after the questions.
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. [This is a trick question. Everyone knows that you possums won’t go near persimmons. 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? It has to be the Chevelle. [COLOR=Red] Everyone knows that FoMoCo products are only Found On Roads, Dead.[COLOR=Red (A)'65 Ford Fairlane (B)'69 Chevrolet Chevelle, (C) '64 Pontiac GTO. (D) '92 Subaru SVX 3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product? None. You can’t use aluminum (or plastic)to condense alcohol. You have to use copper. 4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down? Zero. Woodcutters drink shine. 5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer? None. Old refrigerators lost their refrigerant a long, long time ago, so now they will not affect (as opposed to effect) the ozone layer. 6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? Zero. ‘Dawgs’ sleep on the porch not under it. 7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front? None. What makes you think that they have electricity. 8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler? The odds on striking a car with a muffler are infinity over 1. ( that’s a mathematical expression to you’all from the south). 9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during this shift? Zero. Coalminers smoke Luckies. 10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate highway to breed a country and western singer? It never is going to happen. I betcha thought that test was gonna be an easy one, didn't you? It's okay if you didn't do all that well. Just goes to show you. There's a hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare you for in this life. As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE" here's some Southern advice that may come in handy down the road a piece. Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with 'em. PS: It's rather obvious that Southern rednecks know how to operated computers better than this Yankee.
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Larry III & The Beautiful Naviguesser '19 Tungsten Pearl Outback 3.6R Ltd...."AISHA" '08 Harvest Gold Outback 3.0L. L. L. Bean...."AIJOU" '07 Gray Diamond Pearl Outback XT Ltd..."AH SO" '05 White Pearl & Silver BAJA Turbo..."AH HA" '97 Bordeaux Pearl SVX LSi..."SUBYDOO" '94 White Pearl SVX LSi..."PEARLY" '92 White Pearl SVX LSL w/touring pkg..."SVXY" '92 Teal SVX LSL w/touring pkg..."ALCYONE" '96 Polo Green LSi ... "MIDORI" '00 Black Dodge VIPER RT-10... "VINNIE" Engineers do it with precision. English teachers are novel lovers. Home: larrysingeriii@comcast.net SVX FEVER, CATCH IT AT A MEET NEAR YOU !! Last edited by LarryIII; 10-17-2005 at 05:58 AM. |
#14
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NICE job Larry
Tom |
#15
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Well done Mr. Engineer! I got a kick out of your replies!!!
-Chike
__________________
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato 2013 Cosmic Blue 5spd Evo X GSR 2006 Galaxy Gray 6MT RX-8 (sold) 2006 Steel Gray WRX TR (sold) 1996 Brilliant Red SVX L (sold) |
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