How do you convince a kid

bcpianoman · #1 12-04-2006, 11:59 AM

. . . that he’s not invincible? And neither are the other people in his car and on the road. I found out through the grapevine that a week ago last Wednesday, my 17 year-old son sped up to 80 MPH along a strait stretch on a rural road, after dark and in the rain.

His driver’s licence has been in my dresser drawer since that time and I haven’t even begun to think about when he’s getting it back. I’ve arranged for him to have a talk with a retired 30-year veteran of the R.C.M.P. (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) who has attended at more than his fair share of fatal accidents. He will be viewing one of the educational tapes about the carnage on the highways resulting from excess speed.

I’ve discussed the matter from every angle I can think of, including:

1. He has no right to endanger the lives and safety of others;
2. If he dies or someone else dies, their loved ones suffer too. I don’t want to experience that visit from the police at 3:00 AM;
3. People, including himself, could suffer debilitating permanent injury such as paralysis;
4. He will lose respect from his piers just as they do not respect young persons who drink and drive. I makes no difference if one is killed as a result of alcohol or speed - either way one is just as dead;
5. Generally, he will gain the reputation of a careless, reckless, stupid individual;
6. A lot of jobs require a clean licence;
7. Civil liability as a result of an accident could bankrupt him and my wife (who is the registered owner of the car that he was driving); and
8. A nice car could be destroyed or damaged;

Are there any other suggestions?

rallyingrob · #2 12-04-2006, 12:17 PM

i can pm you a link to a VERY graphic porsche crash involving an 18 year old girl and a concrete toll-booth......

mikecg · #3 12-04-2006, 12:22 PM

Hehe, I first read the title and thought it said conceive a child.

1) Break his leg. He'll realize he isnt indestructible. (Just kidding)

2) A driving school that incroperats a wet handling course. His biggest issue isnt that he's stupid, he just doesnt undersand how easily it is to lose control and how hard it is to get it back. A wet course with a high power RWD car will educate him. and the course will also help him learn how to safely control his car. I didnt learn until I was on a dirt road sliding sideways into a tree line. The best way to learn is to exsprience it himself, and the best way to do that is on a closed course. About now up there is a good time for it. (Snow and all)

SVXMAN2001 · #4 12-04-2006, 12:26 PM

bcpianoman, first off i am very glad to hear that your taking a proactive stance towards this whole situation. More often than not it seems that parents these days are so far removed from their child's lives and rarely discpline their children.

Now I am 24 and can relate with your sons actions, he is young and will make mistakes, its inevitable. But they need to be addressed immediately. Now this is what would work in my situation....If your son wants to drive, have him insure the car, and have the car registered in HIS name, that way if anything happens HE is responsible...it is amazing how grown up kids can get when they are the ones solely responsible....having your son responsible for paying insurance, gas, and registration will more than likely have him think twice before he pulls another stupid stunt like that, i know it worked for me! I am not going to be pulling stupid pranks when i used to sacrafice my weekends and evenings just to keep my car on the road!

Of course you'll face some resistance and resentment, but your not out to be your kids best friend but rather instill some values and sense of responsbililty.

This is what worked for me...maybe it could work for your son. Good luck

mikecg · #5 12-04-2006, 12:35 PM

Hmmm, my parents did pretty much the same thing for me, but it was from the beginning. I had to by my car, insure it, and pay for my gas. During the school year I was given enough gas to get back and forth to school, and they paid m insurance, because I wasnt working. If the car broke, I either fixed it myself or I rode the bus. I never considered the impact that having to pay for it myself had on me. I just complained that they had plenty of money, but made me pay for it, while my buddies parents had gotten him 3 different cars before he was even able to drive, because he didnt like the car they brought home for him.

SVXMAN2001 · #6 12-04-2006, 12:44 PM

mike, and do you think that made you drive more carefully? From reading your post i am not sure if your agreeing or disagreeing, haha. All i know is that having had to pay for everything made me appreciate it that much more. I would get so ticked when i'd be riding in my one friend's porsche, of which her daddy got her, i asked her to show me the engine and she opened up the trunk...had no idea what she was driving!

mikecg · #7 12-04-2006, 01:45 PM

I definitly appreciated the vehicle more, and cared for it better, but I dont think I really considered my actions as much until I had accually wrecked. Thats why I think some sort of school is required in this case. You cant really understad how easy it is to lose control until you've done it. Like I said, it's more of a lack in his understanding. 80MPH doesnt sound like a big deal, many of us on here do that daily on highways and such, but when you add in the weather, it shows a lack of understanding in how the envirenment can effect handling.

Manarius · #8 12-04-2006, 02:18 PM

Well, I happen to be one of those "kids" and I can tell you right now, taking away his license isn't going to get the point across. Neither is making him go to see a Mountie. It's just going to make him mad and resent you more. I wouldn't give him a beautiful car to begin with and I'd do those "responsibility" things mentioned above. Make him buy a crap car (or get one for him) and make him take care of it. If he wrecks it, he has to ride the bus.

I got my dad's old 91 Legacy when he got a new car. He told me straight up that if I wrecked it that it wouldn't be repaired unless the repair was doable (as in $500 or less). After driving for nearly two years, I've only managed to damage the car once by sliding into a guard rail at 5 mph in the ice. I also take care of the car like it's my baby. And you know, on occasion, I speed a little bit, but it's my neck on the line if I do it.

BigBlueSVX · #9 12-04-2006, 03:11 PM

I agree with Manarius and Mikecg on this one. I could definitely be considered "one of those kids." I like to drive fast, when the conditions are right (little or no traffic, good weather, good road, etc). And I've made mistakes, and I learned from them.

I believe that teaching him is going to be a better tool than trying to scare him. Mikecg has a great idea, he should take a class that teaches him car control skills so that he can recognize hazards on the road and overall be a safer driver. In fact, most people should take a class like that, myself included.

I also agree with Manarius, doing what you plan to do will only make him resent it. The more he appreciates his car, the better he will take care of it and the more responsible he will be. Make him pay for gas, insurance, repairs, etc. Teach him how to drive so he knows the limits of a car and just how big a responsibility it really is.

I'm glad to hear he did this on a straight rural road rather than a busy residential street. Obviously in the dark and in the rain, this is not a good idea, but thats what he has to learn.

NeedForSpeed · #10 12-04-2006, 03:11 PM

Wow, this is tough, my sons are 18, 16, and 14.

I'm not one of 'those kids', but I totally agree with Manarius. I believe a different approach will serve better. The 'fear technique' is doomed to fail both parties. He will resent the experience. If you trying to say, 'I love you, please take care of yourself', make the point, he will respect that.

I also agree with Mike, when my daughter got her license, she and I attended a driving safety course at Infineon speedway. Lane changes at 40mph, skid car, max braking without abs [should have taught how to manage car with abs]. At 16, it is difficult to gain that experience on the street, not without wrecking.

You didn't say what car he was driving, that makes a difference in my book on whether one can safely drive 80mph in a specified condition. But I agree with you, 80mph in the described conditions is foolish. Who was with him in the car, that also makes a difference in my book.

My 'single' mom took my keys 30 years ago because I came home too late one night, keys to my shaker-hooded 428 Mach 1. I was 16. Only problem was, I bought the car with a broken engine, blueprinted it, paid all gas and insurance. I was careful [but not always slow] because I WAS RESPONSIBLE, I PAID THE BILLS. It was my freedom, because I earned it, and if I blew it, no one would be there to cover for stupidity. I hitched rides with buddies without complaint, until she returned MY keys a week later.

Responsibility is the best way. Freedom demands responsibility. Does he realize that HIS tickets, and mishaps, are HIS responsibility to bear?

Interesting, I had this conversation with my 16 year old son last night. The newly running silver 4.11 SVX is for him to go to school and school activities [basketball practice] and to transport his brother when Jon stays at my place. He says, 'then it really isn't my car, is it'. I said no, it's our car.

Keep us posted!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Manarius

Well, I happen to be one of those "kids" and I can tell you right now, taking away his license isn't going to get the point across. Neither is making him go to see a Mountie. It's just going to make him mad and resent you more. I wouldn't give him a beautiful car to begin with and I'd do those "responsibility" things mentioned above. Make him buy a crap car (or get one for him) and make him take care of it. If he wrecks it, he has to ride the bus.

I got my dad's old 91 Legacy when he got a new car. He told me straight up that if I wrecked it that it wouldn't be repaired unless the repair was doable (as in $500 or less). After driving for nearly two years, I've only managed to damage the car once by sliding into a guard rail at 5 mph in the ice. I also take care of the car like it's my baby. And you know, on occasion, I speed a little bit, but it's my neck on the line if I do it.

NikFu S. · #11 12-04-2006, 05:17 PM

Get him a 400cc cruiser bike instead of a car. My first bike topped out at 80 and taught me what it was to potentially become road sludge after falling a couple times. I was 16, too.

benebob · #12 12-04-2006, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

Get him a 400cc cruiser bike instead of a car. My first bike topped out at 80 and taught me what it was to potentially become road sludge after falling a couple times. I was 16, too.

I wish it was mandatory for every 16 year old to learn to ride for say 4 years before being able to get a auto license. Roads would be so much safer but in reality I wouldn't even think of putting a 16 year old on a bike on the lightly congested roads around here.

I like the school idea but honestly not knowing your kid, it might just make him a better driver with a 16 year old though process. Just enough to be dangerous.

I'm assuming that he's already paying for his insurance and gas as that should be a no brainer unless he's unable to work (or do enough around the house to equal work). I also assume he's paying to clean or better yet cleaning the car inside and out.

Then I'd simply explain to him that for every indiscresion that you find out about it'll cost him a month of driving because there are at least 3 others you didn't hear about.

Aside from that, you gotta let him live his life and make his own choices otherwise he'll be a 28 year old kid who finally gets kicked out on the street because the folks are sick of him. Of course he'll screw up but baby steps towards some independence is the way to do it. 1 step forward 3 back sometimes.

Other option, find yourself an XT6 with the speed alarm on it. Its wired through the speaker system and once you go over 55mph it doesn't shut off until you're back under. Its the most annoying thing I've heard in a car! You turn it on with the master key and the sub-masters can't turn it off.

Problem is I would've been the one who tried to maintain the 55mph around turns at his age just to see if I could keep the thing on for an entire trip.

etz bseder · #13 12-04-2006, 06:57 PM

get the cheapest pile of crap that runs, and have him drive that for awhile. not being able to go anywhere, especially fast without having the car feel like it's going to literally fall apart should do the trick.

Electrophil · #14 12-04-2006, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by etz bseder

get the cheapest pile of crap that runs, and have him drive that for awhile. not being able to go anywhere, especially fast without having the car feel like it's going to literally fall apart should do the trick.

You mean like an SVX?

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svxthc · #15 12-04-2006, 09:25 PM

This is easy. Being 17 i can tell you what did work. Basically tell him that driving is a right and not a privalidge for him. Tell him that he will have zero transportation if he damages his car because daddy wont buy him another. Tell him that this car will make it through college or he will have no car. Fatalities just fade in one's memory, if you make it his own responsibility like somewhat mentioned he might take pride in his actions. Don't allow him to learn the hard way, it's been done that way too many times. If you give him control he'll take responsibility, not the reverse though. I am impressed of the actions you have taken so far. do what i said and all will be fine. Try to instill in him that one action can make or break his life- the process is self actualizing.