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#1
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Having a bad day? (long+language)
Try this next time, and make someone else's day worse than yours (provided they deserve it)
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, one when you just need to take it out on someone… Don’t take it out on someone you know… Take it out on someone you don’t know! Now, get this: I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly, the phone was slammed down! I couldn’t believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. She had apparently transposed the last two digits. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled, “You’re a jackass!” and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote “Jackass” and put it into a drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re a jackass!” And it would always cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea, I dialed his number, then heard his voice, “Hello?” I made up a name, “Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with our caller ID program?” He said, “No!” and hung up. I quickly called him back and said “That’s because you’re a jackass!” The reason I took the time to tell you this story is to show you how, if there’s ever anything really bothering you, you can always do something about it by simply dialing 823-4863. The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn’t think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to slowly back out. I even backed up a little more to give her plenty of room. “Great,” I thought, “she’s finally leaving.” All of a sudden, this black Camaro came flying up the parking isle, in the wrong direction, and pulls into her space. I started honking and yelling “You can’t just do that, bucko! I was here first!” The guy climbed out if his car, completely ignoring me, walking straight for the mall. I thought to myself, “What a jackass! My God, there sure are a lot of jackasses in this world.” Then I noticed a “For Sale” sign in the back window of his car and wrote down the number. A few days later, I’m at home and I had just called the jackass (it’s really easy now that I have him on speed dial), when I remembered the number of the guy with the black Camaro. I thought I’d give him a call too. After a few rings the guy picks up and I said “Hello. Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?” He said “Yes it is.” I said “Can you tell me where I can see it?” He replied “Yes. I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It’s a yellow house and the car’s parked right out in front.” I said “What’s you’re name?” “Don Hansen.” “When’s a good time to catch you, Don?” “I’m at home in the evenings.” “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?” “Sure.” “Don, you’re a jackass.” And I slammed the phone down. After that I added Don’s number to my speed dial. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem, I had two jackasses to call. But after months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it had lost it’s initial thrill. So I gave the problem some thought and came up with a solution: First, I called jackass #1 and when he said “Hello?” I yelled, “You’re a jackass!” but I didn’t hang up. He said, “Are you still there?” I said, “Yeah.” He said “Stop calling me.” I said, “No.” He said, “What’s your name, pal?” I said, “Don Hansen.” He said, “Where do you live, Don?” I said, “1802 West 34th Street. It’s a yellow house with a black Ca maro out front.” “I’m coming over right now, Don! You’d better say your prayers!” “Yeah, like I’m really scared, Jackass!” and I hung up. Then, I called jackass #2. He answered, “Hello?” and I said “Hello, Jackass!” He said, “If I ever find out who you are I’ll--” “You’ll what?” “I’ll **** you up!” “Well, here’s your chance, I’m coming over right now, Jackass!” and I hung up. Next I phoned the police, I told them that I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. I made another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to watch the action. It was glorious! Watching two jackasses kick the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
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-Steve Member #895(the member formerly known as BurgundyBeast) 01' MSM Lexus IS300 |
#2
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LMFAO!!!!! this has made my night...after a long search for some stuff...and coming up empty handed...this was great. heh...i was laughing loud enough to wake up my family at 1 in the morning...if only they were as happy as i!
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#3
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Please, oh PLEASE tell me the ending is true!!
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[/COLOR][/COLOR]-Scott My Locker 2014 Grey Ford Fusion 2.0 EcoBoost Bought: 12-5-14 2005 Silver Legacy GT Ltd 5mt. Bought: 3-3-07 Sold: 12-5-14 1996 Brilliant Red L (AWD). Bought: 6-14-04 - Sold: 3-3-07 - 15.370 @ 89.65 1992 Claret/black LS #4086 (GF's). Bought: 6-30-04 - Sold: 7-29-07 1994 Pearl White LSi Bought: 2001? Sold: 2004? |
#4
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That was a funny story. I hope it was fiction.
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1992 LS Touring (6/91) - Currently undergoing a five speed swap Black over Claret with spoiler; 235,000 miles; Mods: 2002 Legacy 5 speed, ACT Pressure Plate, Excedy Clutch, Short Throw Shifter, Aussie Powerchip 1992 LS Touring (6/91) Black over Claret with 2.5" setback spoiler; 202,000 miles; Mods: B&M Cooler 1994 LSi (4/93) Bordeaux Pearl; 198,000 miles; Mods: Weight reduction. 1969 Mustang GT Convertible 1970 Mustang Convertible 2000 Ford Excursion Sola lingua bona est lingua mortua. My Locker |
#5
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I read another just like it a while back somewhere else.
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. Earl .... ... .... ><SVX(*> Subaru Ambassador [COLOR=”silver”]1992 Tri Color L[/COLOR] ~45K (06/91) #2430 1992 Dark Teal LS-L ~184K (05/91) #0739 1992 Claret LS-L ~196K (05/91) #0831 1992 Pearl LS-L ~103K (06/91) #1680 1992 Pearl LS-L ~151K (06/91) #2229 1992 Dark Teal LS ~150K (07/91) #3098 (parts car) 1992 White LS-L ~139K (08/92) #6913 1993 25th AE ~98K (02/93) #164 1993 25th AE ~58K (02/93) #176 1993 25th AE ~107K (02/93) #215 1993 25th AE ~162K (02/93) #223 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~124K (1/94) #2408 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~144K (10/93) #1484 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~68K (10/93) #1525 1994 Barcelona Red LSi ~46K (02/94) #2624 1994 Pearl LSi ~41K (12/93) #1961 1995 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~70K (02/95) #855 1996 Polo Green LSi ~95K (03/96) #872 1997 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~55K (08/96) #097 2003 Brilliant Red LS1 Convertible ~29K (04/03) #8951 1999 Magnetic Red LS1 Coupe ~33K (04/99) #6420 My Email | Old Locker | New Locker | Picture of 15 of the 19 |
#7
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Well I certainly feel better. Thats a riot!
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"That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence." '92 Dark Teal SVX LS-L, >146,000m 3 pedals, 5 speeds., restoration underway. 2012 Honda Insight, slow but cute. |
#8
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You should know better than to feed that kind of info to this crazy bunch. Or am I just talking about my self? Hmm, Ideas.
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92 SVX #772 140k 6speed, ECU Tune stage II, Koni/Ground control, 3,270lbs. 91 Legacy Turbo 5spd. FMIC, crappy stock turbo, ACT clutch. 78 BRAT (New toy) (Soon to be EJ22T powered) 90 240 SX. RB25 powered!! DRIFT!!!111!!! (GF's car) To many cars to spend time on teh web! |
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