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Idiot sightings
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Just a little humor to brighten those dreary days... IDIOT SIGHTING I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 I said "May I have large bills, please" She looked at me and said "I’m sorry sir, all the bills are the same size." When I got up off the floor I explained it to her.... IDIOT SIGHTING When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “it’s open!” His reply: “I know. I already got that side.” -- Ford dealership in Canton , MS IDIOT SIGHTING We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a “large” enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, “NO, its not..” Four is larger than two.” --We haven’t used Sears repair since. IDIOT SIGHTING My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, “you gave me too much money.” I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said “We’re sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.” The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. --Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s. IDIOT SIGHTING I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.” --Kingman, KS IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce. -- From Kansas City IDIOT SIGHTING I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That”s why we ask.” --Birmingham, Ala. IDIOT SIGHTING The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!” --She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS IDIOT SIGHTING At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to “downsizing,” Our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun. We should do this more often.” Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. --This was a lunch at Texas Instruments. IDIOT SIGHTING I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself And for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on. --Deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less. IDIOT SIGHTING How would you pronounce this child”s name? "Le-a" Leah??........NO Lee - A??....NOPE Lay - a??....NO Lei?? .........Guess Again. This child attends a school in Kansas City, MO and her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha". When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent." SO, if you see something come across your desk like this, please remember to pronounce the dash. And if dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent. STAY ALERT! They walk among us......and they VOTE! .
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. Subaru Ambassador 1996 Polo Green LSi #216..138,100 miles...SOLD JFICX8659TH100216.....Date of Manufacture: November 16, 1995..... Fuji Heavy Industries..Ōta North Plant....Ōta City,. Gunma Prefecture, Japan In-Service Date: January 2, 1997 "The Pristine Green Polo Machine” First Polo Green on the Network First Clear front turn signals, JDM Alcyone hood emblem, rear panel, and BOXER engine cover on the Network (US) (2000) First 5000K HID factory fog lights (2007) First SVX JDM BBS wheels on a USDM SVX (2013) HID lighting (5000K) for headlight and H3 fog lights, PIAA SuperExtreme 120W high beams, rebuilt EG33 longblock, Cometic head gaskets, Phase II flexplate, AMR aluminum radiator with custom silicone hoses, 160A high-output alternator in aluminum-ceramic coated case, new design alternator wiring upgrade v.4, rare factory headlight protectors, refinished JDM BBS mesh aluminum wheels and custom, polished billet aluminum new hex center caps, LED grille mod, R1 Concepts high-carbon cryo slotted rotors, Akebono ceramic pads, Goodridge S/S braided brake lines, Smallcar Stage 1 shift kit, ThermalTech aluminum/ceramic-coated valve covers, Energy Suspension urethane front & rear swaybar bushings, Bontrager22 rear swaybar with QS Components Chromoly Teflon/Kevlar endlinks, "$15.00/5 minute" suspension mod. Hella Supertone horns, Custom stainless steel exhaust system with 2" headpipes, Magnaflow cats, AeroTurbine AR25 resonator /AWD "Bullet" muffler. R.I.P. 2010 Subaru Outback Limited 2.5 CVT...338,000 miles. Totaled by a 1,300 lb. COW March 4, 2016 2014 Hyundai Avante Limited ...178,000 miles. Actually quieter and smoother than the Outback 2007 Mazda Miata MX-5 PRHT...102,000 miles. Plenty of parts, service and windshields. 4th Registered Network member —2/21/2001 My NEW locker..I...My Email..I..Wikipedia/SVX . . |
#2
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Re: Idiot sightings
After i moved to WV in 1992 I was telling this BIG fella a series of WV jokes...
After about five jokes he said; HEY! I wuz born and raised here... I thought about that, took a chance, and said; OK, I'll just tell you r e a l s l o w ! Not sure if he thought it was funny, but I'm still here.
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www.svxfiles.com The first SuperCharged SVX, the first 4.44 gears, the first equal length headers, the first phenolic spacers, the first Class Glass fiberglass hood, the first with 4, 4.44s in his driveway Fiberglass Hood thread My locker 4.44 Swap link |
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Re: Idiot sightings
I made a comment about a local town that has a large population of commercial fishermen.
I said "the only people who live in Anacortes are fishermen and prostitutes" A person who heard the comment said "Hey, my mother lives in Anacortes!" I quickly asked "what boat does she fish on?"
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. Earl .... ... .... ><SVX(*> Subaru Ambassador [COLOR=”silver”]1992 Tri Color L[/COLOR] ~45K (06/91) #2430 1992 Dark Teal LS-L ~184K (05/91) #0739 1992 Claret LS-L ~196K (05/91) #0831 1992 Pearl LS-L ~103K (06/91) #1680 1992 Pearl LS-L ~151K (06/91) #2229 1992 Dark Teal LS ~150K (07/91) #3098 (parts car) 1992 White LS-L ~139K (08/92) #6913 1993 25th AE ~98K (02/93) #164 1993 25th AE ~58K (02/93) #176 1993 25th AE ~107K (02/93) #215 1993 25th AE ~162K (02/93) #223 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~124K (1/94) #2408 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~144K (10/93) #1484 1994 Laguna Blue Pearl LSi ~68K (10/93) #1525 1994 Barcelona Red LSi ~46K (02/94) #2624 1994 Pearl LSi ~41K (12/93) #1961 1995 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~70K (02/95) #855 1996 Polo Green LSi ~95K (03/96) #872 1997 Bordeaux Pearl LSi ~55K (08/96) #097 2003 Brilliant Red LS1 Convertible ~29K (04/03) #8951 1999 Magnetic Red LS1 Coupe ~33K (04/99) #6420 My Email | Old Locker | New Locker | Picture of 15 of the 19 |
#4
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Re: Idiot sightings
Talk about dodging a bullet!
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www.svxfiles.com The first SuperCharged SVX, the first 4.44 gears, the first equal length headers, the first phenolic spacers, the first Class Glass fiberglass hood, the first with 4, 4.44s in his driveway Fiberglass Hood thread My locker 4.44 Swap link |
#5
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Re: Idiot sightings
Quote:
i constantly try to stop my wife from giving the change at drive-thru windows. her: "why not? me: "i don't want to be here for another 20 minutes."
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Alan 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 1997 SVX LSi (Ebony) SOLD! 2005 Legacy GT (Silver) [Cobb Stg 2+] SOLD! 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 2005 Forester XT Premium (Crystal Gray Metallic) SOLD! 2008 Lancer Evolution X MR (Apex Silver) [Cobb Stg 1+] 2015 Outlander Sport 2.4GT AWD (Mercury Gray) 2013 G37xS (Obsidian Black) |
#6
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Re: Idiot sightings
I must not be far enough south... or east for that matter... I give the extra change all the time and they figure it out. Sometimes if I don't have the "right" amount of change, say the ammount is $4.17, i'll still give $5.25 or $5.20 so it's less change and never had an issue like that.
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#7
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Re: Idiot sightings
The new cash registers take all the guesswork out of it. Once the bill rings up, enter the amount tendered and it shows you the exact change. No math.
The only "hard" decision they need to make is do you want a $1.00 bill, or a specific combination of change. .
__________________
. Subaru Ambassador 1996 Polo Green LSi #216..138,100 miles...SOLD JFICX8659TH100216.....Date of Manufacture: November 16, 1995..... Fuji Heavy Industries..Ōta North Plant....Ōta City,. Gunma Prefecture, Japan In-Service Date: January 2, 1997 "The Pristine Green Polo Machine” First Polo Green on the Network First Clear front turn signals, JDM Alcyone hood emblem, rear panel, and BOXER engine cover on the Network (US) (2000) First 5000K HID factory fog lights (2007) First SVX JDM BBS wheels on a USDM SVX (2013) HID lighting (5000K) for headlight and H3 fog lights, PIAA SuperExtreme 120W high beams, rebuilt EG33 longblock, Cometic head gaskets, Phase II flexplate, AMR aluminum radiator with custom silicone hoses, 160A high-output alternator in aluminum-ceramic coated case, new design alternator wiring upgrade v.4, rare factory headlight protectors, refinished JDM BBS mesh aluminum wheels and custom, polished billet aluminum new hex center caps, LED grille mod, R1 Concepts high-carbon cryo slotted rotors, Akebono ceramic pads, Goodridge S/S braided brake lines, Smallcar Stage 1 shift kit, ThermalTech aluminum/ceramic-coated valve covers, Energy Suspension urethane front & rear swaybar bushings, Bontrager22 rear swaybar with QS Components Chromoly Teflon/Kevlar endlinks, "$15.00/5 minute" suspension mod. Hella Supertone horns, Custom stainless steel exhaust system with 2" headpipes, Magnaflow cats, AeroTurbine AR25 resonator /AWD "Bullet" muffler. R.I.P. 2010 Subaru Outback Limited 2.5 CVT...338,000 miles. Totaled by a 1,300 lb. COW March 4, 2016 2014 Hyundai Avante Limited ...178,000 miles. Actually quieter and smoother than the Outback 2007 Mazda Miata MX-5 PRHT...102,000 miles. Plenty of parts, service and windshields. 4th Registered Network member —2/21/2001 My NEW locker..I...My Email..I..Wikipedia/SVX . . |
#8
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Re: Idiot sightings
Quote:
"That's $4.37" <hands over $5.37> "Ughhhhhhhhh............" "Oh n0s."
__________________
Alan 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 1997 SVX LSi (Ebony) SOLD! 2005 Legacy GT (Silver) [Cobb Stg 2+] SOLD! 1987 928 S4 (Black) SOLD! 2005 Forester XT Premium (Crystal Gray Metallic) SOLD! 2008 Lancer Evolution X MR (Apex Silver) [Cobb Stg 1+] 2015 Outlander Sport 2.4GT AWD (Mercury Gray) 2013 G37xS (Obsidian Black) |
#9
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Re: Idiot sightings
IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!” I'm adding that one to my California has brail on the highway for blind people joke. |
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