VERY O/T Christmas Fun Page

[montypython]

Originally posted by Andy
Merry Christmas to all of my new friends.

Same to you, Andy and indeed all the SVX Community.
Actually, I also wish Andy and Joe (and everybody else in the rest of the World) a very happy Boxing Day Yes, I can remember when I used to get Boxing Day off work Those were the days. I'd go to watch "The Wires" (now called "The Wolves") in the traditional Boxing Day game with .... with ........ with. I can't remember - too much water under the bridge
Oh, well. HAPPY CHRISTMAS anyway.

[montypython]

THE SENILITY PRAYER - Just for us old f**ts

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm 'older (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've
discovered:

ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

THREE - I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

FIVE - All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

SIX - If all is not lost, where is it?

SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

EIGHT- Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

NINE - I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...

TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

TWELVE - It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

THIRTEEN - Only time the world beats a path to your door is when
you're in the bathroom.

FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them at my knees.

FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
depth.

EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the
hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

NINETEEN - UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE POSTED THIS OR NOT AND DOUBT IF SOME OF YOU CAN EITHER.

[SVXphile]

One for Andy....

What is brown.....steams.....and comes out of cowes backwards? ........





....the Isle of Wight ferry.

Don

[Beav]

The Christmas Card

Little Melissa comes home from first grade & tells her father that they
learned about the history of Christmas.
"Since Christmas is a Christian holiday & we're Jewish," she asks, "will
God get mad at me for giving someone a Christmas card?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get
mad. Who do you want to give a Christmas card to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could
have enough love to give Osama a Christmas card, he might start to think
that maybe we're not all bad, & maybe start loving people a little bit. If
other kids saw what I did & sent Christmas cards to Osama, he'd love
everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell
everyone how much he loved them & how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells as looks at his daughter with new found pride.
"Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the
Marines could blow the **** out of him.

[Ron Mummert]

Originally posted by Beav
The Christmas Card

Little Melissa comes home from first grade & tells her father that they
learned about the history of Christmas.
"Since Christmas is a Christian holiday & we're Jewish," she asks, "will
God get mad at me for giving someone a Christmas card?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get
mad. Who do you want to give a Christmas card to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could
have enough love to give Osama a Christmas card, he might start to think
that maybe we're not all bad, & maybe start loving people a little bit. If
other kids saw what I did & sent Christmas cards to Osama, he'd love
everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell
everyone how much he loved them & how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells as looks at his daughter with new found pride.
"Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the
Marines could blow the **** out of him.

No argument here, Beav.

Best holiday wishes to you & the Hooter's crew.

Ron.

Here's another for this thread.


http://www.kicken.com/funnyfiles/WackoJacko.swf



Randy ii

[SVXphile]

Oops....I need bigger baskets and a faster mouse!

I do have a serious question though....

...why does he keep all of his children's heads/faces covered?
Don

[Aredubjay]

Originally posted by Andy
And one for our President

I can't believe I'm just now finding this.

[Andy]

and I thought that you were just ignoring me

[blackbolt94red]

What's the difference between a motorcycle and a vacuum cleaner?












The location of the dirt bag.

[Aredubjay]

Originally posted by Andy
and I thought that you were just ignoring me

That is what I feared. I hate for anyone to think they're being ingnored. 'Specially our friends 'cross the pond.

[Aredubjay]

Originally posted by blackbolt94red
What's the difference between a motorcycle and a vacuum cleaner?












The location of the dirt bag.

Kinda like the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche. On a porcupine, the prick's on the OUTSIDE!


(No offense to our Porsche owners, here. )