You know you're in Wisconsin if....

[1986nate]

Believe me, these are all true...


Ah, the Badger State. If you can relate to any of these, join.

You've never met any celebrities.

Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

"Vacation" means playing miniature golf at the Dells.

You've seen all the biggest bands 10 years after they were popular.

You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.

A clean bowling shirt is appropriate attire for a wedding.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to town, I wanna go with."

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and then leave both unlocked.

You think of the major four food groups as cheese, beer, brats, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You own just three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You define -20 degrees F "a little chilly."

You know all four seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.

You can gauge the depth of your relationship by the number of fingers your friends use to wave to you as you pass by on the road.

You measure distance in minutes.

The corner bar is decorated with neon Pabst signs instead of hanging ferns.

You know several people who have hit a deer.

Your school classes were cancelled because of cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You hear someone use the word "oof-dah" and you don't immediately break into uncontrollable laughter.

You "borrow" your neighbor your snowblower and hope he returns it before the next storm. (And you don't know why there are quotation marks around the word borrow in that sentence.)

You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires six pages for sports.

You think that opening day of deer season is a national holiday.

Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.

You refer to the Packers as "we."

A significant portion of your relatives work on a dairy farm.

You can make sense out the words upnort and Trivers.

You can identify a Michigan accent.

You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.

Down South to you means Chicago.

Traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee.

The Big Three means Miller, Old Milwaukee, and Pabst Blue Ribbon.

A brat is something you eat.

You were offended by the movie Fargo.

You know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.

You have no problem spelling Milwaukee.

You consider Madison exotic.

You know that Gotham is a real city.

You can actually pronounce Oconomowoc.

You go out for fish fry every Friday.

You can recognize someone from Illinois or Iowa by their driving.

Bernie Brewer is your idol because he gets to dive into a giant beer mug.

You know how to polka.

You can visit Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London, Poland all in one afternoon.

You've seen mosquitoes with landing lights.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

At least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

Bucky the Badger hangs on your Christmas tree even if you didn't go to University of Wisconsin-Madison.

You’ve considered voting Brett Favre for president.

You can use the word “ya der hey? easily in a sentence.

Your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor, or farm animal.

Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

You define Summer as three months of bad sledding.

You have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.

A Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer.

You tell someone where you are from and they say, "I thought that was part of Canada."

You have more fishing poles than teeth.

Every sweatshirt you own is either red and white or green and gold.

FFA was the most popular club in high school.

You have eaten a cream puff at the State Fair.

You have to drive thirty minutes to the nearest movie theater.

At every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hoky poky and the chicken dance.

You ever went to a wedding reception in a bowling alley.

You know it's traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the ceremony and the reception.

You own at least one cheese head.

Sunday afternoons are sacred for the Packer game.

Saturdays are sacred for the Badger game.

You have ever been to State Street in Madison during a protest of something.

You get irritated at sports announcers that pronounce it "Wes-con-sin."

You have experienced snow storms in May.

You have had school closed due to wind chills and frostbite warnings.

You know what a "flat-lander" is and you know all the "why Wisconsin is better than Illinois" jokes.

You get choked up when you hear the University Marching Band play "On Wisconsin" or "Varsity."

You have partied at "Summerfest."

You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at a county fair.

Sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

The trunk of you car doubles as a deep freezer.

Your hometown buys a Zamboni when they need a bus.

You drive 65 miles per hour through snow without flinching.

It takes you three hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.

You buy your Christmas presents at Farm and Fleet or Fleet Farm.

You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.