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#1
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work ethics "funny"
REVISED EMPLOYEE RULES
SICKDAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25 BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough. OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement. RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open. LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain thee average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill. DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada shoes & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financial and therefore you do not need a raise. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation's, or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week. Management |
#2
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Hmm...I was about to say that those policies would work well for my office, but then I noticed that there are no provisions for taking foosball breaks.
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2005 RX-8 Grand Touring 2005 Outback 2002 Mercedes-Benz E320 wagon END OF LINE |
#3
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how abouts a break from the day for the SVX network???
Kelli
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Previous owner of the Princess Pearlie "Dimples" as of 8/6/03 1992 LS-L Pearl 124k "Yeah, that thingy!" owner of the new 1992 LS-L Pearl "Susie" I am a pessimistic optimistic. I think the worst is going to happen, that way when it does, i don't feel as bad, but if the best happens, i am twice as happy. |
#4
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Quote:
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2005 RX-8 Grand Touring 2005 Outback 2002 Mercedes-Benz E320 wagon END OF LINE |
#5
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My Work policies
How my work works:
SICKDAYS: As many as needed. Im taking two this weekend.......Having tendonitis in your shoulder sucks. SURGERY: Haven't been there yet PERSONAL DAYS: Sunday thru Thursday. I think that is enough VACATION DAYS: Whenever I want them and as many as needed OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH: My boss has joked about having to train my own replacement. The peeps under me right now are brain dead and worthless RESTROOM USE: Whenever. Even if we went by the alphabet deal it wouldnt take too long to go thru 12 or so employees. LUNCH BREAK: Olives(from martinis) and cherries(from mixed drinks) DRESS CODE: What is that? Network breaks: Haven't ever done it. Don'y know why though. Monitor ar work is 21 inch which beats my home monitor of 15 inch B.C |
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