The Drive Home From Hell

[Aredubjay]

The drive home yesterday was tense and intense.

I left the office about 5:15 PM, unaware of weather conditions coming out of Kentucky toward Indiana. I stopped at my usual Gas Station and filled up. Just as I was putting the cap back on the tank and closing the fuel filler door, the sky got dark and the rains began to pour . . . sideways. I decided that I'd better get my butt home.

I pulled out of the station and could hardly see. It was raining so hard. I clicked the wipers into high gear and went up the access road to the stop sign which let out onto a busy HWY 41. Traffic was almost solid and slowed for the heavy rains. With my tint, I couldn't see very well, so, I cracked the window, inviting the deluge, pouring from my gutterless roof, into the car. Finally, a break, and I floored it into traffic. As I approached the "Twin Bridges" that cross into Kentucky, I heard "tink, tink tink, tink." Small hail stones were beginning to hit the windshield. "NO!" I thought to myself. Once on the bridge, marble sized hail was falling as fast and thick as the rain drops. Traffic had virtually stopped on the bridge and hailstones covered the pavement in an inch thick layer. I was sure my windshield would break and my car was receiving major dimples. Traffic finally began moving, slowly, but moving.

My neck was tense from the waiting as I finally arrived at the foot of the bridge and traffic was now moving at the brisk pace of 30 miles per hour. It seemed like it took forever to get to my sideroad turn-off. Once there, I found a grove of trees, and pulled to the side of the road to sheild the car from any further damage. The smell of shredded leaves seeped into the cockpit of the car as I sat, my emergency flashers hopefully signalling any cars that would approach me from behind that I was waiting out the storm. Suddenly, CRACK! A bolt of lightning hit the field to the left of the car. I began to think, "what if a tornado tears through this forest? I'll be toast." So, I began to edge my way forward, plowing through standing water. The last few hailstones plinked on my windshield as I pulled from beneath the trees and picked up speed. WHOOSH! Water was rushing across the road, and I split it, creating brown arches of water on each side of the car. "I'll have to keep an eye out for those." I thought to myself. I still had thirty miles to go before reaching home.

The rains continued, the radio mumbled something about a "major front" as I strained to see the road and avoid water rushing across.

I wound my way to highway 60 and headed toward Owensboro. 60 had been recently repaved and was normally a well-draining highway in these situations, but the rains were so fierce, even 60 couldn't shed the water. WHOOSH! WHOOSH! I'd hit the water rushing across the road. This was clear water and harder to see. Not like the muddy, cholcolate looking streams coming out of the forest.

About five miles from home, the rains begin to taper off. I could finally see, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I pulled off sixty to the secondary road that would take me home. Past the cemetary and around the curve. Past the big blue storage building and into my driveway. "Phew! That's a relief." I whispered to myself. Just at that moment, the EBS tone blared from the radio. We were now under a tornado warning. I turned off the ignition, grabbed my laptop bag and ran into the house. It was going to be a long night.

Wow, you should write a book or something

Glad you made it home

[Mr. Pockets]

OOH! OOH! I'll continue! WOOHOO!

I opened the door in much the same way that I did every day. I never bothered locking it - nothing inside was worth stealing except the typewriter. And the loss of the typewriter would just mean less paperwork for me.

Stepping through the door, removing my stained trenchcoat and placing it on the coat rack with my rain-soaked hat were all achieved with one motion. Don't ask me how I did it while holding the briefcase - it's just reflexive, like pulling my gun.

Exactly like I do every day, I pulled my flask from my inside coat pocket in a continuation of the same fluid motion. It felt light, so I started towards the single cabinet in the room, which held my liquor and aspirin. I'd like to say that my Fred Astaire-like office dancing went on uninterrupted. But it didn't.

"Your sign says 'Back in five minutes,' but I've been waiting here for over an hour," said the dame sitting cross-legged on my desk.

The aforementioned storm let out a terrifying blast which lit up the room as if I had actually paid the electricity bill. But I hadn't, so the light was gone in an instant, only allowing me a split second to see a pair of full, red lips underneath a very large, very expensive hat.

My head still ringing from the thunder, or the Jim Beam, or both, I barely heard myself reply, "I gave my secretary Administrative Professional's Week off, so you'll have to forgive me."

Secretary. Right. Like my last case could even pay this month's rent. Finding lost earrings for rich old broads or little Timmy's baseball mitt hardly put t-bone steaks on the table. The thought of a big, juicy hunk of cow (burned black as coal on the outside, still bleeding on the inside) brought my stomach's hollow complaints to my attention. I began to search my pockets for some gum - maybe the chewing would convince my innebriated brain that I was eating something.

As if I could keep food down anyway...


Okay, it's somebody else's turn - I have to get SOMETHING done today.

[svx_commuter]

I too had a ride from HELLLLL on last Friday. Headed west on rt 4 and then I said "What is that big black cloud?" It was as black as night at 5:30p. The route I took put me right into the heaviest part. Then the rain started as you say Randy sideways and very heavy. I got off in Paterson and got lost I could see where I was going and without the sun didn't know hwich direction I was headed. The streets turned into rivers. Everyone was outsdie looking at the storm. I had to dodge bottles as I didn't know if they were glass or plastic. Drove up a hill with 6" of water clear across the road, a rageing river. Could not even break the tires loose. Nice to have the AWD working again but a missed opportunity to practice recovering from hydroplaneing. Ended up under a train bridge when the hail started. My friends all said what did you do? Get out and shield the car with your body? Found my way out of town and got stuck on rt 46 west for 30min's.

No better place to be than in the SVX Throw in a few CD sit back and enjoy the music

I cant wait to hear the rest!! keep it going!

-Mike

[SVXphile]

<I opened the door in much the same way that I did every day...>

"Excellent!" Pockets turned to see a shadowy figure in the doorway, his face and hat briefly illuminated by the match lighting his cigarette. As his outline retreated once again into the gloom, the raspy, yet strangely familar voice repeated the praise, and then added.."I could not have done better...mySELF..." Pockets could almost FEEL his sneer...
---------------------------------
uhhhhh.....Mr. Pockets? By any chance you wouldn't happen to be a fan of "Guy Noir, Private Eye" would you? Check out..

http://www.prairiehome.org/

They had a script-writing contest going on...maybe they are still accepting material. The winner gets his/her material used to create an episode on an upcoming program. And don't forget the humor!

Gee....maybe I need to polish off the old prose myself.... Don

[SVXphile]

Wow, what a story Randy. I felt like I was riding shotgun with you! I've been in two cats-and-dogs downpours like that in my life, but not with hail! Glad you are safe and dentless... Don

-----------
P.S. SuperRu turned over 149k yesterday.

[BoominSVX]

I use a program called weather bug. If I even hear anything about a storm with wind or hail, I just run out an take my mom dukes car outa the garage and slide mine back in. The only night I couldn't do that, I drove my car right onto the front lawn away from all the trees. No branch or ice chunk will touch my beast. Maybe I should just convince him to get that 57 bel air out of there, and give me the other side. It would do the same thing in the barn that it does in the garage. Collect dust!! besides, it would look good sitting next to the 69 SS/RS camaro, wouldn't it?I love my suby, but what I wouldn't give to whip the orange 350 SS for a few days.
Oh and yes, that was a great story. Very detailed and thought out. I gve it a 9.2

Originally posted by Aredubjay
I left the office about 5:15 PM, unaware of weather conditions coming out of Kentucky toward Indiana.

You know what they say about the Ohio Valley. "If you don't like the weather, give it 5 minutes. It'll change". I take it (since you didn't mention it) you suffered no hail damage?

[Ron Mummert]

I began to search my pockets for some gum - maybe the chewing would convince my innebriated brain that I was eating something.

As if I could keep food down anyway...


Okay, it's somebody else's turn - I have to get SOMETHING done today. [/B][/QUOTE]

But then.... I opened my eyes. Where the hell I'm I? Certainly not at home. I stare straight ahead. Green...wavy. Wait - I can't move. I strain to stand up. Can't. Stuck somehow. Green...raining on glass. I blink hard. Jeez... my head. Been dreaming. Blink again.. I'm stuck in the seat of my car! Why?? Oh - Wait. Blink..big storm. Yes - I was racing to get home. Dark...Hail. Yes - huge storm, hit huge deep puddle...ran off road...down steep bank. Gotta get out! Green... it's a big green bush. It's covering the car. I can't... the door's jammed! "Help", I say to no one in particular, PLEASE...HELLPP!!
How long have I been here??? HEEEELLLLP!!
I hear something. I see a hand outside the glass...it's pulling at the door, pushing the bushy growth aside. Thank God!! My left hand... it moves...it raises the door handle, & the door cracks open.
I glance left at a tall stranger. He has a pry bar... no, wait... it's a... a...shotgun, the blue glint unmistakable. Thank God, again, a hunter has stumbled upon me. I'm safe.
As he helps pull the jammed door outward, I notice his features... thin, steely eyes, stubbley short beard. He smiles an odd smile.
No upper teeth. So what... I'm gonna get out.
"Thank you, for helping me", I mutter.
"NO - ThanKEW!" returns the stranger.
"Now, let's see just how fast yew kin drop them pants!"

At that point I wished I had stayed in the office 'til 6:00.

Next.


Ron (feelin' twangy) i

[BoominSVX]

Ummm..... pants? Where'd that come from???

Want a hint?

[BoominSVX]

I don't know if I just hit what you had, but I just went for a drive to my girls and the rain was whipping. Wasn't hard to see cause it was night and in heavy rain I just leave my wipers off. Why wear them out just so you can see a leave on the road. Anything big enough to see will be seen at night. But anyway. It was pouring and windy as all heck. I think I might have even heard some hail on the windshield. Maybe I will go put my car in the garage for the night...

[Aredubjay]

No hail damage, no tonadoes, but one was spotted close to the house. Everything followed the rivers around me. Thank God!

This exercise in journalism brought to you by Readers Indigestion.

[wasions]

"Now, let's see just how fast yew kin drop them pants!"

At that point I wished I had stayed in the office 'til 6:00.


So what was I gonna do? I already had about three inches of cold steel in my mouth. What could be worse? What indeed. I reached with both hands to my buckle. Feigning to open it with the left, I managed to cover as I removed the Beretta just inside my belt. I saw him tense his trigger finger - and then it was gone. Love that little gun. Always good in a tight spot. Kentucky Swavay never knew what hit him. The next shot went between the gap in his upper teeth, and came to rest somewhere near his medulla.

Loverboy slaps the water real hard.

"Good grief," I thinks. "It's way too wet to dig a hole. I think I'll let this one lie."

As I was gettin' ready to turn him loose and just let him float off into the sunset (as if there was gonna be one tonight), a black-n-white pulls over. Cop opens the door a little. "Trouble?", he says. "No officer. I'm with flood control. Just checking the water's depth in this here ditch."

I sure hope he doesn't have a clear view of Slick here, floating among the weeds. With my record, I wouldn't see daylight for forty-to-life.


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