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OT - Oil Change
This was way too accurate ('cept for the DUI and the part they left out where Jiffy Lube drains the tranny fluid and adds 6 quarts of oil to the crankcase)
> Subject: OIL CHANGE! > > Oil Changing Instructions for Women: > > 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches > 3000 since the last oil > change. > > 2) Drink a cup of coffee. > > 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a > properly maintained > vehicle. > > Money spent: $20.00 for oil change $1.00 for coffee. > Total = $21.00 > > > Oil Change instructions for Men: > > 1) Go to O'Reillys auto parts and write a check for > $50.00 for oil, filter, > kitty Litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree. > > 2) Discover that the used oil container is full. > Instead of taking it back > to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. > > 3) Open a beer and drink it. > > 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack > stands. > > 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. > > 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. > > 7) Place drain pan under engine. > > 8) Look for 17mm box end wrench. > > 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. > > 10) Unscrew drain plug. > > 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil > on you in process. > > 12) Clean up mess. > > 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. > > 14) Look for oil filter wrench. > > 15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and > twist off. > > 16) Beer. > > 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. > Finish oil change > tomorrow. > > 18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from > underneath car. > > 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step > 18. > > 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. > > 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. > > 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a > thin coat of oil to > gasket surface. > > 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. > > 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. > > 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. > > 26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole > in the back yard, along > with drain plug. > > 27) Drink beer. > > 28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug. > > 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on > the floor. > > 30) Drink beer. > > 31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang > knuckles on frame. > > 32) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step > 31. > > 33) Begin cussing fit. > > 34) Throw wrench. > > 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench > hit Miss December (1992) > in her overabundant chest. > > 35) Beer. > > 36) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as > required to stop blood flow. > > 37) Beer. > > 38) Beer. > > 39) Dump in 6.2* fresh quarts of oil. > > 40) Beer. > > 41) Lower car from jack stands. > > 42) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands. > > 43) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to > fresh oil spilled during > step 23. > > 44) Beer. > > 45) Test drive car. > > 46) Get pulled over and subsequently arrested for > driving under the > influence. > > 47) Car gets impounded. > > 48) Make bail: Get car from impound yard. > > Money spent: > > $50.00 parts > $25.00 beer > $75.00 replacement set of jack stands > $1,000.00 Bail > $200.00 Impound and towing fee > > Total = $1350.00
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Matt Locker Link 2015 BRZ Limited 6MT 92 Ebony LS-L ECUtune Stage2av1, Z32 MAF, 370cc injectors, TomsSVX intake, BontragerWorks 22mm RSB #003, HID Hi and Lo beams, OT endlink and bushing mods, PWR Aluminum radiator, Harvey's QC shift kit, 2.5" flowmaster 80 exhaust, 17" Michelin Pilot Sport A/S, Poly sway bar bushings, Slotted Bradi rotors, AFBeefcake powdercoated calipers, 97 grill, and a huge set of air horns. 300,000 miles and counting 92 Ebony LS-L. ecutune stage1v4, motorsport 1pc pulley. Garage Queen - sold to Dad in upstate NY 155,000 miles 19 Subaru Ascent Premium - -Hers !. 89 DL 4x4 little red wagon - a.k.a. The immortal suby. 275k R.I.P. |
#2
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OMG that is the funniest and most true thing I've ever heard.
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#3
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That thing has more lines added to it every time I see it.
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2005 RX-8 Grand Touring 2005 Outback 2002 Mercedes-Benz E320 wagon END OF LINE |
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