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Old 12-11-2002, 02:25 PM
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CigarJohnny CigarJohnny is offline
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Talking O/T Some Christmas Fun

To All Concerned: From: Santa Claus

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Alabama, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas and Arkansas on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls, however, there are a few differences between us.

Diferences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, On Donner and Blitzen." when Bubba Clause arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam Safety Triangle on the back with the words "Back Off!"

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of State Patrol Cars crashing into each other.

And finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus Member of North American Fairies and Elves, Union 1225
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Pearl '92 LS-L 179K (Historic 1st 5-speed SVX)
Mods: 5-speed, 4.11's, Group-N motor mounts, dual Magnaflows, cone air filter, Kenwood MP-228 CD/Receiver, white-faced gauges, '97 grill, custom window tinting.

Ebony Mica '92 LS 80K Oct 2002 - Dec 2004: Victim of theft. She served me well.

You can tell the lack of craftsmanship by the wrinkles in the duct tape.
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Old 12-11-2002, 02:26 PM
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CigarJohnny CigarJohnny is offline
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I know Randy can relate to Bubba Claus!
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Pearl '92 LS-L 179K (Historic 1st 5-speed SVX)
Mods: 5-speed, 4.11's, Group-N motor mounts, dual Magnaflows, cone air filter, Kenwood MP-228 CD/Receiver, white-faced gauges, '97 grill, custom window tinting.

Ebony Mica '92 LS 80K Oct 2002 - Dec 2004: Victim of theft. She served me well.

You can tell the lack of craftsmanship by the wrinkles in the duct tape.
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Old 12-11-2002, 03:37 PM
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Aredubjay Aredubjay is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by CigarJohnny
I know Randy can relate to Bubba Claus!
Yessir. That, I can.
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Randy Johnson
3rd Registered Member 02-21-2001
First Member to Reach 10,000 Posts
First to arrive at the very first Reading Meet
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1992 SVX PPG Pace Car Replica 110+k
1993 White Impreza L 240+K miles
2001 Legacy Outback Limited Sedan 250+K miles
2013 Deep Indigo Pearl Legacy 3.6R 49+K miles

"Reading is my favorite Holiday"
Mike Davis -- at Reading VI
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