The Subaru SVX World Network   SVX Network Forums
Live Chat!
SVX or Subaru Links
Old Lockers
Photo Post
How-To Documents
Message Archive
SVX Shop Search
IRC users:

Go Back   The Subaru SVX World Network > SVX Main Forums > Not Exactly SVX

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-27-2007, 06:24 PM
JIMSVX's Avatar
JIMSVX JIMSVX is offline
.... what a sweet ride !!
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 179
Registered SVX
Tool Dictionary

Here's a good dictionary for those of us who spend time in our shop/garage.


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar callouses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Yeouw s--t...."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. The most often used tool by everyone.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 45 minutes.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 4X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off neatly and flush in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. The accessory socket within the base, has been permanently rendered useless, unless requiring a source of 117vac power to shock the mechanic senseless.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids, opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. It is very easy to excel at using this tool.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit. It is quite handy for making gaping holes in walls when hanging pictures.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. It is also useful for removing large chunks of human flesh from the user's hands.

DANGIT TOOL: (I have lot's of these) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DANGIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
__________________
- Jim

'02 Outback - Wife's car
'96 Legacy Wagon - Son's car
'95 Legacy Sedan - #5 Daughter's car
'93 Impreza Sedan - #4 Daughter's car
'92 Claret LS-L - My car ____________
TOTAL = 595,000 Subi miles
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-27-2007, 06:28 PM
RSVX RSVX is offline
Network Design Administrator
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Boiling Springs, SC
Posts: 4,344
I am pretty sure there is something very similar to this here already :-)
__________________
Chris
SVX World Network Administrator
-1993 Subaru SVX LS-L, Barcelona Red, #46, 160,000+ Miles (Sold to SomethingElse)
-2011 Toyota Sienna SE, Black, 30,000+ Miles (Swagger Wagon )
-2002 BMW R 1150R ABS, Black, 26,000+ Miles (Daily Driver )
SVX Owner from February 1997 to March 2008
SVX Online Community Member since February 1998
SVX World Network Member since February 2002, Member #520

Life is a game. Play to win.
The world belongs to those who can laugh at it.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-27-2007, 07:16 PM
demonsvx's Avatar
demonsvx demonsvx is offline
building more AK47's
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: crossville tennessee
Posts: 978
Dremel Tool-Handy tool until you use the cutoff wheels. Tend to fly at nearby flesh and eyes. Finds t-shirts at the best time to a knotted up ball. Burns out in the middle of a project-buy two when the next project arises.

Hot tank-Good for cleaning parts-bad for losing wedding ring in. Suffer third degree burns fishing it out. Ring turns a nice green color.

Parts washer-Amazing solvent qualities-cleans parts, smells like a cross between vinegar, gasoline, and a$$. Personal experience-cut yourself with a knife or other sharp object solvent kills the pain Probably suffer cancer or gangrene type infection later in life.

Stand up forklift- Great for moving pallets,skids,etc. Great for taking down racks where you just loaded those pallets,skids,etc. Drive like a vette when dry, drive like a out of control tank on teflon coated ice when wet. Perfect tool for taking out overhead fire sprinklers,lights, and gas lines.
__________________
1992 SVX LSL Ex wifey has it now pending self destruction 2001 Legacy mods to come 1992 Subaru Legacy 2.2 214k Boob wheels CANT KILL IT
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-27-2007, 11:05 PM
TomsSVX's Avatar
TomsSVX TomsSVX is offline
Maniac modifier
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Branchburg, New Jersey
Posts: 15,489
Registered SVX Classic SVX
well guys.... They all fit the description of the tools in my garage Friggin hillarious... thanks

Tom
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:36 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
© 2001-2015 SVX World Network
(208)-906-1122