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#1
12-23-2002, 07:16 AM
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VERY O/T Christmas Fun Page
Merry Christmas to all of my new friends.
To lighten the mood ready for the festive season, I feel that it is time for some Christmas Cracker humour (humor) so I will get things started with this pathetic one Why do most brides walk down the aisle dressed in white? Because white is the most popular colour for domestic appliances
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Andy ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If I would be a young man again and had to decide how to make my living, I would not try to become a scientist or scholar or teacher. I would rather choose to be a plumber or a peddler in the hope to find that modest degree of independence still available under present circumstances. -- Albert Einstein, The Reporter, November 18 1954 
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#2
12-23-2002, 08:08 AM
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You are a brave man...
Randy (Wouldn't have the guts to post THAT) ii ps: It is funny though pps: I didn't say that...it was someone else. ppps: Really!
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#3
12-23-2002, 08:13 AM
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Head bang
WHY DOES GUERNSEY SVX OWNER WEAR MOTORCYCLE HELMET ALL DAY??
BECAUSE SOME NASTY PERSON SENT A COPY OF PREVIOUS POST TO HIS MISSUS AND MOTHER-IN-LAW 
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Black Betty [Bam a Lam!] '93 UK spec, still languishing Betty Jersey Girl Silver '92 UK [Channel Isles] 40K Jersey Girl @ Mersea Candy Purple Honda Blackbird Plum Dangerous White X2 RVR Mitsubishi 1800GDI. Vantastic 40,000 miles Jersey Girl 
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#4
12-23-2002, 08:22 AM
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Even you wouldn't be that cruel
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Andy ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If I would be a young man again and had to decide how to make my living, I would not try to become a scientist or scholar or teacher. I would rather choose to be a plumber or a peddler in the hope to find that modest degree of independence still available under present circumstances. -- Albert Einstein, The Reporter, November 18 1954
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#5
12-23-2002, 09:02 AM
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#6
12-23-2002, 09:17 AM
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NOT FUNNY....
Quote:
Well ,, Yes it was, after my trip to Wal Mart last night  Ya know Salt Lake has so may trailer parks is amazing we don't have more tornadoes...... 
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Mitch Hansen
"uncamitzi" This is a Dark Ride 92 Teal SVX LS-L 128K tranny swap with 4.11's Well.. my days of not taking you seriously have certainly come to a middle .
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#7
12-23-2002, 09:18 AM
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Cruel?? Moi??
Quote:
I had a mother-in-law once.......... Just once....... 
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Black Betty [Bam a Lam!] '93 UK spec, still languishing Betty Jersey Girl Silver '92 UK [Channel Isles] 40K Jersey Girl @ Mersea Candy Purple Honda Blackbird Plum Dangerous White X2 RVR Mitsubishi 1800GDI. Vantastic 40,000 miles Jersey Girl
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#8
12-23-2002, 09:22 AM
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Quote:
Randy (How do you spell histeracal?) ii
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#9
12-23-2002, 09:23 AM
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Quote:
I use spell check....
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Mitch Hansen
"uncamitzi" This is a Dark Ride 92 Teal SVX LS-L 128K tranny swap with 4.11's Well.. my days of not taking you seriously have certainly come to a middle .
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#11
12-23-2002, 01:25 PM
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Re: Cruel?? Moi??
Quote:
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Andy ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If I would be a young man again and had to decide how to make my living, I would not try to become a scientist or scholar or teacher. I would rather choose to be a plumber or a peddler in the hope to find that modest degree of independence still available under present circumstances. -- Albert Einstein, The Reporter, November 18 1954
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#12
12-23-2002, 01:36 PM
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Something a little more seasonal
A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night." The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him. The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells." The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing........ "Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"
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Andy ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If I would be a young man again and had to decide how to make my living, I would not try to become a scientist or scholar or teacher. I would rather choose to be a plumber or a peddler in the hope to find that modest degree of independence still available under present circumstances. -- Albert Einstein, The Reporter, November 18 1954
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#13
12-23-2002, 01:36 PM
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Quote:
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Troy 1992 SVX LSL "Serenity" 250,000 miles! I don't care, I'm still free, You can't take the sky from me...
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#14
12-23-2002, 02:01 PM
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A quick one for Beav
SANTA CLAUS AN ENGINEER’S PERSPECTIVE I/ There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world, however since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each. II/ Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say, that for every Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000 of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purpose of our calculations). We are talking about 1.25 Km per household, a total of 120.8 million Km, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa’s sleigh is moving at 1040 Km per second........3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 43.8 Km per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 25 Km per hour. III/ The pay load of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds, even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can’t be done with eight or even nine of them......Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). IV/ 600,000 tons traveling at 1040 Km per second creates enormous air resistance....this would heat up the lead reindeer in the same fashion as a space shuttle re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 1040 k p s in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 G’s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. V/ Therefore, if Santa did exist, he’s dead now.
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Andy ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If I would be a young man again and had to decide how to make my living, I would not try to become a scientist or scholar or teacher. I would rather choose to be a plumber or a peddler in the hope to find that modest degree of independence still available under present circumstances. -- Albert Einstein, The Reporter, November 18 1954
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#15
12-23-2002, 02:03 PM
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And one for our President
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Andy ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If I would be a young man again and had to decide how to make my living, I would not try to become a scientist or scholar or teacher. I would rather choose to be a plumber or a peddler in the hope to find that modest degree of independence still available under present circumstances. -- Albert Einstein, The Reporter, November 18 1954
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