Brand new problem (scary!)

[NikFu S.]

So I was driving home last night, car has been running really well for a little while with the occasional hesitation. I figured one of the coils was on its last legs.
So last night while driving I was cruising along, and I put the pedal down just a bit and I accelerated for a moment but quickly lost a lot of power. At this point it seemed as if I was missing a cylinder, but the last time I was missing a cylinder it ran a bit different. Last time it sounded like a 4-banger, this time it sounded like a motorcycle, and not a very fast one.

So I limp home, I'm barely able to keep it above 1500rpm and park it overnight.
This morning it won't start, cranks "OK" but I can tell it's having some kind of cylinder issue. Last time it had a bad coil I could still start it.
So I crank it for a few seconds and here is the scary part, it didn't even catch and yet I got the loudest backfire I have ever heard. My head still hurts.

Any ideas?