Noah: 2006

[svxcess]

In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.

They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they have conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."




Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."




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[lhopp77]

And just think what Bush gets blamed for. I suppose all of these problems were created by him too. It is funny though.

Lee

[Electrophil]

That was a pretty good joke.

And so was the first Ark.
(Lee's blood pressure jumps to 1,500 over 450 )

[lhopp77]

Originally Posted by Electrophil

That was a pretty good joke.

And so was the first Ark.
(Lee's blood pressure jumps to 1,500 over 450 )

Actually I seriously doubt that it moved any at all. While I do believe in a God or Supreme Being, I am somewhat a skeptic about much of the Bible. I think it is a great book and if followed by everyone it would be great, but that does not mean that I think it is necessarily true.

If it is true--then we are all products of incest. Actually two different times. From Adam and Eve and then again from Noah's family.

But then again--there is no more proof that we are products of evolution at the scale assumed but not proven by many evolutionary scientists. If evolution was correct there would be much more evidence just like there is in the animal world. It is significant that human fossils are none existent.

Lee

[Electrophil]

Originally Posted by lhopp77

Actually I seriously doubt that it moved any at all. While I do believe in a God or Supreme Being, I am somewhat a skeptic about much of the Bible. I think it is a great book and if followed by everyone it would be great, but that does not mean that I think it is necessarily true.

If it is true--then we are all products of incest. Actually two different times. From Adam and Eve and then again from Noah's family.

But then again--there is no more proof that we are products of evolution at the scale assumed but not proven by many evolutionary scientists. If evolution was correct there would be much more evidence just like there is in the animal world. It is significant that human fossils are none existent.

Lee

Wow... Lee. That was really refreshing to hear. I agree.

As for evolution, fossilization is the exception, not the rule. It takes a precise cascading sequence for something to fossilize, and it just happens the climate, surroundings, and scenarios allowed fossilization 100's of millions of years ago. Man was..... according to those guys, non-existant at the time.

Isn't it possible that God used evolution to create? I really never saw a problem with the two co-existing. It wasn't like God was down here explaining exactly how he created anything. He didn't exactly leave us a creation photo album we can browse through.

(What I did on my summer vacation. By God.)

[lhopp77]

Originally Posted by Electrophil

Wow... Lee. That was really refreshing to hear. I agree.

As for evolution, fossilization is the exception, not the rule. It takes a precise cascading sequence for something to fossilize, and it just happens the climate, surroundings, and scenarios allowed fossilization 100's of millions of years ago. Man was..... according to those guys, non-existant at the time.

Isn't it possible that God used evolution to create? I really never saw a problem with the two co-existing. It wasn't like God was down here explaining exactly how he created anything. He didn't exactly leave us a creation photo album we can browse through.

(What I did on my summer vacation. By God.)

Sure, I believe it is possible for God and evolution to coexist to some degree. Where I disagree with evolution is that we crawled from some ocean to start our evolution. For that to even remotely be true it would have taken 100's of millions of years--so the fossils should exist.

I have some problems with even the few prehistoric bones that have been found. There have not been enough of them to even begin to say that they were truly representative of humans at the time. Even good ol' Lucy's footprint means nothing. I have seen a bear print that did not reveal the claws that look extremely human and even different humans prints now look totally different and skull sizes and shapes vary greatly particularly in those that are not "normal".

I am not saying that Noah did not exist and that a flood did not happen, but then a widespread regional flood could have been considered a world flood. Heck, remember the world was flat for hundreds of yearsz (recorded history years).

Lee

[lhopp77]

Subject: The Burglar

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his
sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus
is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a while, he shook his head, promised
himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked his flashlight
on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear
as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the
source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight
beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, I'm Moses and I'm just
trying to warn you"!
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world, Are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people
Would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people who named their Rottweiler "Jesus"

Enjoy the rest of your day

Lee

[Electrophil]

Originally Posted by lhopp77

"The kind of people who named their Rottweiler "Jesus"

Enjoy the rest of your day

Lee

I'm rolling!! I wasn't expecting that.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by lhopp77

While I do believe in a God or the Supreme Being, I am somewhat a skeptic about much of the Bible.

Lee

Hey Lee, I don't blame ya.

LeeLoo Dallas Multipass is the way to go man.

[Electrophil]

I'm still a big fan of the FSM.

[Noir]

Originally Posted by Electrophil

I'm still a big fan of the FSM.

FSM? Dubya tee eff mate.

[SubaSteevo]

Originally Posted by Noir

FSM? Dubya tee eff mate.

I've been touched by His noodly appendage

[Noir]

Originally Posted by SubaSteevo

I've been touched by His noodly appendage

now i'm really lost.

[Electrophil]

We must educate the uneducated in our society of our true creator. It says so in the holy book (release date pending).

To be enlightened, thou shalt click the holy link -> FSM

[Noir]

Originally Posted by Electrophil

We must educate the uneducated in our society of our true creator. It says so in the holy book (release date pending).

To be enlightened, thou shalt click the holy link -> FSM

cool. that cleared things up.

now like tom cruise, i must eat a placenta.