Quote:
Originally posted by sfsvx
There's gotta be a punchline waiting somewhere in the wings . . .
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Come on, Dick! I'm amazed you haven't heard this one.
Randy knows the one version and I was thinking of another but what the heck, here you go...remember, you asked for it...
Randy's version (or close enough)
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This guy loses his member in a tragic accident (could it be anything but tragic?) and the doctors are unable to reattach it. His doctor has a new procedure he's developing and offers to graft an elephants trunk to him as a replacement for his lost manhood. He takes the doctor up on his idea and the operation is very successful except that the trunk seems to have a mind of it's own.
He goes to a dinner party one evening and as he is dining the trunk slips out of his pants and quickly snatches a hard roll from his plate and disappears unseen beneath the table. The guy replaces the hard roll and before he is able to butter the roll the elephant trunk again steals out and snatches the hard roll before he is able to take a bite. This happens a few more times through out the meal.
After the dinner roll basket at his end of the table has emptied he finishes his meal and politely pushes his plate away. His host, noticing how much his guest seemed to enjoy the dinner rolls, offered to pass the basket from the other end of the table if he still had room for more.
"No thank you", the guy says, "I don't think my a$$ could take another hard roll"
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The version I had in mind
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This guy loses his member in a tragic accident (could it be anything but tragic?) and the doctors are unable to reattach it. His doctor has a new procedure he's developing and offers to graft an elephants trunk to him as a replacement for his lost manhood. He takes the doctor up on his idea and the operation is very successful except that the trunk seems to have a mind of it's own.
One night, being a single man and feeling up to unleashing his new prowess on the local females, he heads down to his corner bar, orders a cold beer and parks himself at the bar.
He chats with the bartender, picking from the dish of peanuts while he sips his beer. Occassionally the trunk would slip out and snag a peanut only to disappear for a short bit. A 5-beer-attractive barfly sitting a couple stools down spots this intriguing occurance and sidles on up to him. As he explains his unique situation to her, the wonder shaft reaches out and plucks another peanut from the dish and disappears under the bar again. At this point she is very curious and a little excited at the possibilities. Wondering what is happening to the peanuts, she asks him if they are going where she thinks they are going and if hurts.
"Nah", he says, "peanuts aren't that bad...you get used to it. I learned to avoid the produce isle at the market. The larger items like potatoes can really hurt."
ba-dum-dum <rim shot>