Ben,
You did your best. You were a good soulmate and never feel differently. Life is a series of choices. We, are ultimately responsible for our own.
Last night (since I'm just now reading this), my daughter was at a church youth group gathering, my son was on the sofa playing GTA and my wife was doing laundry. I was watching my son play GTA and noticing how poor a driver he was. This disturbed me, since Wednesday was his 16th birthday.
This is my "current" family. My "other" family (my 3 grown stepsons from my wife's previous marriage -- 7,8,11 when we were married, 33, 34, 38 now) is doing well . . . now. The middle stepson has now been clean for 3 months. He just got out of rehab for Meth addiction. He and his wife have three beautiful children and it was gut wrenching, seeing the affect my son's addiction was having on them. He hid it well, for a long time, then, things started spiraling out of control. He was about to lose his wife, his house, his kids . . . thank God, he realized soon enough and got the help he needed. Got a letter from the daughter-in-law yesterday and all is really going well.
But, even as I type this, I realize that the situation with ANY of my kids, could change in the blink of an eye. Meanwhile, I am thankful for the way it is today and can only pray that it continues to be so.
I'm also thankful for your willingness to share your experience and your pain with others, so that they may be able to avoid going through it themselves, or, help someone else avoid it. Thank you, Ben.