When I read this one I roared laughing. Probably an old joke but it was new to me when I read it. Had to share it with you all. Enjoy!
Johnny
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Guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while
he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs
some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes
and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard
balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow he
swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just
did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in
sight, the little pig. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes
his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He
orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While
the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on
the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then
the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out,
and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"
He asks. "No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it
out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats
everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he
measures everything first."