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It's not the word 'gay' that people find offensive, necessarily. But the connotation you use is very important. If a person is gay, usually I don't think they have a problem with other people saying so. In that case it's just descriptive.
The uses of the term you've gotten in trouble for are entirely different because they weren't simply descriptive. They were instead derogatory, and Doug's above post using Todd's handle as an example is a fine one. In your post today, you used 'gay' in a derogatory way that made it synonymous with 'stupid.'
That's what made it offensive.
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