Thanks, svxpert!
After all the information I've gotten here (thank you, everyone!) and - don't laugh - howstuffworks.com, I'm kinda leaning towards the blown head gasket theory myself. It makes perfect sense, as there's been oil in the coolant for MONTHS. I don't understand why this wasn't addressed sooner. I mean, I just had the timing belt and water pump replaced, so wouldn't it have saved THEM a lot of work and ME a LOT of money to just replace the head gaskets right then? I mean, it couldn't have hurt, right? I'm not happy that I had to find out the hard way, but seeing as how I never actually asked my mechanic directly to evaluate for a bad gasket, his not doing so can't be considered negligent. Ethically, however, he should have KNOWN what was going on and brought up the head gaskets. If I had known two weeks ago what I know now, I'd be driving my OWN car to go on my little road trip vacation this weekend and not renting yet another POS.
PHEW! I really needed to vent!
In any case, I am going to get my car fixed because I love my car and it's still cheaper than buying a new one or even a beater.