The United States' road map for peace in the Middle East has taken a detour with the shifting of the birthplace of Jesus to a friendlier part of the world.

"We're sick of the bickering so we have decided to shift the holy site to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania," a spokesman for the White Roadhouse said. "I am sure the baby Jesus and his pals will be much safer there and happier too."

The actual site of the birth in the U.S. is a closely guarded secret, though the spokesman did say there had been a problem finding an actual manger so authorities had been forced to improvise.

"I cannot say too much," he said, "because the whole thing has been coded baby-poo yellow. But it is true we have tweaked a few Christmas carols to fit in with our new vision. ‘Away in a Manger’, for instance, has become Away in a McDonald's Happy Meal. ‘Hark the Herald Angels Sing’ has become Hark the Herald Tribune Paperboy Cries, and so on."

The spokesman, who refused to be named, rejected any suggestion that moving the birth-site was sacrilegious.

"Hey, we're the most God-fearing nation on earth," he said. "Even God is afraid of us. Or He should be.

"It does not matter to us if we do not have the support of the United Nations on this. Heck, we reserve the right to do what's best for our own citizens. And I think you'll find that God is on our side.Why else would He bless America so often?"