[iizbeastie]

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

I was born when my mom was 19.

She is a very ambitious, driven, loyal, hard-working person.

Another commonality...... same as mine.

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

She just was not mentally ready to raise a child at that age, and neither was my 22 year old dad. They divorced after 2 years.
According to her, he didn't want much to do with me. Pretty typical Detroit dad, I guess.

Well, I won't go into her mental state considering I still think she's a nutcase. As far as dad was concerned, like all of his brothers he went OTR. Between dump trucks, school busses and semi's, he didn't want much to do with much... oh well life moves on.

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

My sister is 18, and according to an email I received from my mom, pregnant.

She does not have a decent job, she lives with her boyfriend who is of shady quality, she is a freaking pothead, she's a slob, she is lazy because her dad spoils her, she has no ambition, dropped out of high school despite having a gift for math, and when I asked her if she was going to keep it or not, she said "I dunno". I thought "This person can not possibly be related to me." There is no way in hell this kid could turn out right without a massive family intervention.

I really don't understand why it's always 'intervention'. Why can't it simply be help out? Not necessarily financially or babysitting, but simple emotional support? Isn't that what your family is supposed to be for? Just being there?

This is going into why individuals shouldn't have kids. Not teens, individuals. You mark many traits of people who are not destined to be good parents, they can be found in any age range... look at Willie Nelson....

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

On that note I will tell you about my Filipino friends whom I have known since high school. Their family structure uncannily resembles my own.
My friend's sister got pregnant and had a child at 18.
She too, was a high school drop out. Maybe she got her GED, I dunno, who cares. Anyway this girl's child is over a year old now and walking and quite adorable.
This girl has not yet the single party life go.
She frequently drops off her kid to her mom and brother, whom are essentially raising her.

That may be an opinion but "mom" will always have an influence on you. Like it or not, if you know who she is, she is part of your life.

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

Dad is in the Philippines, but they are not separated or anything. The child's dad is kind of a bum. He too, is very young. Can't be more than 20 and is certainly not in any sort of child-rearing condition. He does not "raise" his child. His baby's mama's brother and mom and sometimes best friend on occasion when this kid gets brought over, which is frequently, raise this child. Lucky for her to have such a supportive family as her mom prances around the night life in the Yukon she was given last year.

So giving her a Youkon is ok but that isn't helping out? That's all they can do? What is wrong with getting help where or if you can? I'd say it's merely being resourceful.

Originally Posted by NikFu S.

Now to the exceptions, we have the two other fili brothers, and my two older brothers. 3 kids to each side. My brothers are not much older than me, and are raising great kids at a young age. Not 18/19 young, but to me mid-20s is pretty young, which is why I have not committed to such a thing yet. They are doing great despite not having much luck financially. Hard times down in south Florida right now. My friend's brothers are also raising children at a young age, early 20s, and doing quite well from what I can see. One of then entered a relationship with a girl who already had a child at 17. They lived with me for a while and there was a lot of drama. The kind that drives people crazy, but in this case they stayed together and had twins, and I think found the right formula, and will be great parents though dad should turn off the X360 every once in a while.

And why is it we all assume the worst? Between the noted and the exceptions, no one knows which you will be prior to pregnancy so why do we assume, by the time the pregnancy test shows positive, that the fecal matter has collided with the rotary air displacement device?

Originally Posted by SUBBYRU89

I was 19 when I had my first child...
You are trying to exclude the monetary facter, but in all reality money is the big thing.

I'm merely trying to exclude it because like everything else, it is dependent on the input provided. "you can make it if you try" .... we tell these people their doomed before they have been given a fighting chance

Originally Posted by SUBBYRU89

Do you know what formula costs? If your child has health problems do you know what it cost to keep traveling them to the specialist? It takes roughly $2K within the few months just for onesies and diapers...not including the actual baby clothing. Sure there might be "teens" out there with parents who will take the child at any given time or pay for any necessary debt brought on by the new baby, but in reality most grandparents don't. The cost of baby items such as cribs, walkers, playpens, toys, bottles, etc..is a big chunk of change. Granted..you get stuff from the baby shower, but a child grows rapidly in the first year so out goes all the simple stuff that was given to you (because really, who can afford to take from their own families and give to the new one)

My daughter just turned 9 months and my son will be 5 in January. So as far as expenses, yes I'm quite aware. On the note of health problems, my son underwent surgery at 3 1/2 weeks old for pyloric stenosis, and we're quite lucky we had the nurse we did at the children's hospital. Her years of experience noted a condition, mixed with RSV, that is almost never found in a child under 6-9 months. As far as baby clothing and toys... do you need some? I have a mountain to get rid of!!! Including the crib, walker, high chair, play pen and baby gate. None of these came from a baby shower as my wife didn't have one and honestly I'm rather tired of my wife's parents loaning money from me.....

Originally Posted by SUBBYRU89

You say welfare & WIC. Do you know the guide lines for them? They are not the same as a few years ago. You have 5 yrs. in your life time to collect any cash benefits from welfare. Any other benefits are determined by you family size and income. You have to be at the super poverty level to receive any if little help from them (they are trying to get rid of it all together)

And rightfully so. It shouldn't take any longer than that. I mentioned I'm not big on them, but if you need it you need it. Through the taxes you will pay in through your life you will more than return the money you needed during a hard time. There are far too many people who exploit these programs, but there are also several who are either too proud or don't know they exist and really deserve to take part. I for one, got jacked on the whole financial stimulus check and it's rather irritating. I make almost exactly the same salary as my neighbor who received a full refund with his housewife and one child, and I was cut down though I have 2 children.... friggin IRS.....

Originally Posted by SUBBYRU89

Emotional...as you grow up you make plans for your future. How many people do you know actually factor in a child at the age of 18-20? Most are planning where they are going to go to college. Opps get knocked up..there goes all those plans out the window...

Why? Is it not possible? I had a child before I started college, yes it was hard but it's not impossible and you don't have to 'give up' anything. The whole notion that you are 'throwing your life out the window' is utter BS.

Originally Posted by SUBBYRU89

now you have to deal with the emotional bearings of not just taking care of yourself but to care for the life of another...to put all your hopes and dreams on the back burner and give every part of your being to this life (all while not losing your sense of self). So instead of going off and getting that degree you so wanted you have to pick up a job so you can keep this child in a comfortable living atmosphere (and when I say comfortable I mean roof, heat, water, electricity, land line, etc..) All this and so much more takes a toll on you emotionally.

see above..... instead of telling them how horribly difficult it's going to be, why don't we try to give them some direction and determination?

Originally Posted by SUBBYRU89

Another emotional burden is the 3-4am feedings, the constant diaper changings, when the teething happens it's non-stop crying and drooling fest. This does not just take a toll on the mother (who is still trying to recover from birthing) but a toll on the dad if he chose to stick around (which is a whole other ball of wax in itself)

I will admit that we were lucky with my son, after a week of this he was sleeping through the night and does to this day....
EDIT- My daughter on the other hand still seems to think there is no difference between falling asleep and dying, and clings to conciosness tighter than a weld seam
Teething, yeah that is fun idn't it!
Dad sticking around (which is only the start of earning the name 'Dad') has alot to do with our badgering them. By nature we avoid confrontation and hard times, and we tell them that it's going to be the hardest time they've ever known and yet we wonder why they run scared.... that is half the point, can we not use fear?

Originally Posted by SUBBYRU89

This is just small fragments of why I believe "teens" shouldn't have children until they've finished their education, travel a little bit and then are physically, financially and emotionally ready to take on such a huge responsibility.

Define "ready"? As in my earlier post, can you honestly say that if you waited until you knew you were 'ready', would you have done it yet? Life will always give you another thing to strive for, another reason to put off a family, and another situation that makes you wonder how ready you are. Any parent who did think they were ready will still be blown away in the first week, if not the first time they see a new baby. Seeing a baby and seeing your new baby are two entirely different worlds.

Originally Posted by SUBBYRU89

I love my children with every ounce of my being, but I did not plan them and it has been one hell of a rocky road.

I for one refuse to believe life isn't a rocky road without them. I have every respect for this statement and I commend your efforts and feelings. I'm not saying my life has been smoothed over the the last 3-6 years.
This whole situation reminds me of the stream in 'Robin Hood, Men in Tights' They're acting like the bridge is completely necessary and you'll drown without it, when from at least one perspective the 'river' is a whole 18 inches wide and the stride of your step will get you over it.