need a pick me up
 

hey guys, i know i haven't been around in a while, just been so busy. i need your help in getting through something.

yesterday, the greatest guy in the entire world, decided that i wasn't the one for him. after 3 days from a year, he decides he can't give me what i need, (enough attention) we have spent every day for the past year together, there hasn't gone a day that we haven't seen eachother at least once in a day, until this weekend. i pulled a double shift at the hospital, working sat from 7am-3pm, coming back at 10 and working straight till 3 the next afternoon. i was too tired to drive home, i called him and my mom, so that she could drive him up to drive me and my truck home. he was different some how, i can't tell you, because i don't know, but i knew something was wrong.

we get home, and i lay down, i didn't want to sleep because i had to try to get my body back to a normal sleeping schedual, so i fought the urge to sleep. i watched him play a video game. he finally beat a game he had been working on for a long time. i had to show my face at one of my fellow squad member's graduation party, i didn't stay long. the whole day, he was distant. i asked him many times what was wrong, and he said that something was on his mind, and he didn't want to talk about it quite yet. so i just let it alone.

now just mind you, it is about 11 and i had about 8 hours total sleep in the past 64 hours. as you can figure, i was not thinking straight. i knew what he was thinking and i tried once again to get him to get it out as we lay together. i didn't know how to ask him, so i just started to cry out of frustration. he awoke and asked me what was the matter, and i told him that i knew something was wrong and i wish he would tell me what it was. i went to put on my shoes to go for a ride, he wouldn't let me because he knew that i was too tired to drive. he asked me to lay back down, and the last thing i remember was him taking my shoes off and rubbing my back

the next morning i awoke to him giving me a kiss goodbye and telling me that he loved me. he called me later that day when he was finished with work. i asked him again, what was wrong, he said that it was something he needed to tell me face to face. i broke down again, and needed to get off the phone, i told him that he knows where i live and when he wants to talk, he knows where to find me. a knock came at my door about 10 minutes later

still crying, i open the door and let him in. he looked like he got hit by a mac truck. he and i sat on the edge of my bed, and it was then when he broke the news to me. he said that he can't be there for me as much as i need him to be. he said that he is soo use to be being alone, this all is a big change. i tried to tell him that if he wants a few days a week alone, that would be no big deal...i begged him, but he stuck to his guns. i told him he has no clue or concept of what he means to me and the lengths i would go to make it with him. he said that he wouldn't change me for the world. i could see in his eyes the pain. i started to help him get his things together. he had been living at my house for 7 months or so, so he had acumulated a lot of things.

i told him the reason for all this is because i am not for him what he is for me. i asked him to look at me as i said what i was to say next. i told him i wanted him for life, i wanted to marry him, have his children, take care of him when he got sick from the diabetes, and that was his breaking point, he broke down and started to cry, i have never in my life seen him break a tear. that was too much for me, i had to leave, i couldn't make him hurt, and i couldn't see him cry. so i left him to gather his things, and i went to my girlfriend's house and cried on her shoulder, to later get totally intoxicated till i could finially go to sleep.

we had the perfect relationship in my opinion. we shared everything together. he is the best thing in the world to ever come into my life. i love him more then anything in the world. i don't know what to do. he told me that i know what i want in life, and he doesn't and that is a problem. i and couldn't help but to agree.

anyone who sat here and read this whole thread, thanks, that itself means a lot to me, please someone tell me something to make the pain go away, i can't take it

Kelli

Time.

If only there were a true, quick fix for a broken heart. Seek the company of folks who care about you, and look forward to getting beyond the pain.

Best wishes,
dcb

Sorry.

Things happen for a reason. I know it doesn't make it hurt any less, but it should give you hope.

:(

Doug

Re: need a pick me up
 

There's nothing any of us can say, Kelli. I'm really sorry to hear about it.

I've seen plenty of 'perfect' relationships end for any number of reasons. It sucks, but it's better than staying together hoping that eventually you'll both want the same thing. It requires total commitment from both of you.

I don't know you or your boyfriend well, so anything else I say might sound all wrong. But I still wanted to add my sympathy to that which you're about to receive from others on this site who do know you well.

Great advice.

My heartfelt sympathies Kelli :*(

Sorry to hear Kelli. I really don't know what to say...

-Chike

I agree. There isnt anything we can say to make it better. Many of use have been there (5 year marrage for me) and it takes time. All we can do is offer a shoulder to cry on and a quiet ear to listen to your feelings.

If you need anything just let us know. We are all here for you.

Mike :(

Kelli

I am so sorry to hear that news. I can't say anything to make the pain go away. All I can say is that time will make it hurt less. You can not change him, and if he is not going to be there for you, then it is better to find out now instead of latter. It is difficult to know that time will make it better, and it hurts now, and you can't make it go away. I have found that you will find out who your REAL friends are now that you need them. Try to spend some quality time with them and stay busy for now.

PM me if you need to talk. I will be thinking of you.

Life
 

Hi Kelli, So sorry about your deal. Your one of my favorite people and I hate to see people I like have problems with life. But, remember the bumper sticker that says" Lifes a b***h, and then you die." I have seen this before, when one person is way more commited than the other. Ya, its hard to tell that the other person is not quite as gung ho as you are. Its hard for the other person to even bring it up because he knows you are so taken with him. Well it finally comes down to having to fess up and its a crusher for one of the two. Your life won't be empty for long. With all you have to offer in a relationship you'll come out on top in the end. Take care and keep a hanky handy, BOBB

Kelli-

I know how much he means to you, and I'm so sorry to hear this happen. It might sound silly to you when people say "time will fix your broken heart," but it's very true.

If you need to talk about anything, you know where to find me. :)

Best of luck to you, Kelli. Hang in there.

Mike

thanks guys for all the support. i spend a few hours last night talking to michelle, she was great. of all the pain in the world, i have never felt pain like this. thanks harry for the phone call, sorry i don't feel like actually talking to someone right now. i told my best friend what had happened, and she started to cry with me, so did my mom. they know how much this is truely killing me. it kind of makes me feel worse, that i make other people sad. i can't go on this alone, but i don't want to bring others down with me, that just makes it worse, so i am at a rock and a hard place. i am going to dehydrate if i don't stop :) thanks again guys, the support your giving me now is what i need

Kelli

I know that you don't want to have others feel bad, but that is how others tend to help out. You should not feel bad about others feeling bad for you. If they didn't feel bad, they would not care about you. That is part of what friendship is all about. Sharing the good and the bad. :) Take care.:)

If you still need someone to talk to, my lines are open. In the mean time, sing, do something to take your time away from you. Enjoy the summer. Go out and take a trip.

L

WOW... so this is what you were hinting at on YIM the other day. You told me at Reading how much he meant to you, and I wish you nothing but the best.

Unfortunately, the only thing that I can offer is to come up and shoot him with my paintball gun ;)

Smile Kelli, it will all work out for the best in the end.

Sometimes there is no logical explanation in friendship, love and relations. As told to you earlier, spend time with other friends and family. Time will cure wounds.....

Here's a [hug].

(I'm a firm believer in hugs.)

-Mark