The Subaru SVX World Network - American Misery For Sale

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American Misery For Sale

Here is my ad, exactly as I posted it on Craigslist a few moments ago:

"

Ladies and Gents; Here is a great opportunity to own your very own example of one of the quintessential staples of white-trash America!

LET ME TAKE A MOMENT TO APOLOGIZE THAT THIS ADVERT WILL NOT BE IN THE TRUE AMERICAN E-TRADITION OF 48 POINT FONT COMIC SANS MS AND BRIGHT RED TEXT AND LOLZ

This charming green hulk of American misery is sure to squeak, shake, and rattle its way into your heart, wallet, and your tall grass on your front lawn. Yes, indeed this fine example of the work of under-privileged American artisans can be yours for the low price of only 600 American dollars (Cash Please. No foreign checks, western unions, or your mother-in law (I doubt she is very marketable these days!)<p>

Currently, this truck runs, drives, and (EVENTUALLY) stops. Before you ask, the brakes are allegedly new, but only to the sub-par, late-80s-i-don't-need-to-stop-and-this-will-just-run-over-your-shiny-Subaru-standard) The oil has just been changed by a reputable firm, and thanks to a healthy set of leaks, it is continually changing itself. (You may want to purchase some shares in oil companies when you acquire this gem. I can include )

The only two worry-free items on this car are, of course, imported. Only the finest Chinese windshield glass has been installed on this sloppy-utility-vehicle along with a set of Bosch Icon wiper blades which could possibly be worth more than this entire automobile.

<p>My (soon to be former) manager though it proper to bestow onto me such a vehicle as "temporary transportation" while my other car was in the paint shop, and shrugged at my protests that a rocker panel should exist beyond expanding foam and spray paint, that a radiator cannot survive on JB weld, and that this behemoth guzzles not only gasoline, but small mammals, hand-turkeys, Asian children, and of course shattered hopes and dreams .

Perhaps the only worthwhile bonus to this vehicle is the fact that the four wheel drive works, so once you don your trucker cap and pull back your late-80s greasebomb hair, you can pick up your cousin and take her to your favorite backwoods spot for some quality time.

I will include a medium size brown paper bag, which can be effectively utilized to mask the driver's identity in the rare event that the driver may have some sense of dignity and self-respect. This bag can also double as a mask for your aforementioned cousin to mask her identity so that you can concentrate on the physical aspect, and not the lack of morality or disembowelment of codes of ethics or local ordinances on cousin to cousin relations.

Condition:

There is only one condition; If you agree to purchase this vehicle, you will remove it from my property promptly and I will never see, or hear from either you or this car EVER again. I don't want nasty emails, claims of broken promises of the details of the vehicle. I also would appreciate if you could stop to pick up any parts that may fall off as your drive this vehicle away.<p>

This vehicle is sold as is. Please come and get it. Make me an offer."

http://southjersey.craigslist.org/cto/1390029770.html