Just got my weekly "Car Talk" newsletter And this is still O/T
 

I love this joke.... I guess because I know some people that fit the rolls...... For those of you who don't know Tom And Ray.
"our fair city" is Boston...

Three professors from Our Fair City go down to Mexico one night, get
arrested, and wake up in jail only to find out that they are to be
executed in the morning, although none of them can remember what
they did the night before.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has
any last words. He says, "I am from the Harvard School of Divinity and
I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the
innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must
not want this guy to die and they let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words, "I am from
the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to
intervene on the part of the innocent."

They throw the switch and again nothing happens. They figure that
the law is on this guy's side, so they let him go, too.

The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from MIT, and I'll
tell
you right now you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't connect
them two wires!"



:eek: :eek:

that's OLD - just substitute priest, lawyer, and engineer for the "professors". :p

Just for the record.... there's no such thing as a new joke.... Just about everything has been stolen or changed to fit some circumstance. I just thought it was funny. Bye the Bye I'm old too..... and people call me funny all the time...... But looks aren't everything in life!!!;)

There may be hope for me, yet.

I know that joke's old, but, I still like it. Thanks, Mitch.

It's new to me...but I don't get out much.


Randy (Sheltered life) ii

I got a new joke!! Entirely new!!

Why did the SVX driver cross the road??

To get to the tranny shop!
:rolleyes:

-adam

....or because he was being dragged by the chicken. :D :D :D

its stewardessess FYI.

- Ca$h

this one is old and stupid, but it still cracks me up:

a duck walks into a bar...

Duck: Do you have any grapes?
Bartender: No, we don't have any grapes - this is a bar!?!?! Get outta here!!!

Duck leaves and returns the next day.

Duck: Do you have any grapes?
Bartender: No, i told you that yesterday!!! Now get outta here!

Duck leaves and returns the next day.

Duck: Do you have any grapes?
Bartender: Listen, i told you i don't have any grapes, and you still keep asking. The next time you ask for grapes i'm gonna nail your beak to the bar!!!! Now get outta here!

Duck leaves and returns the next day.

Duck: Do you have a hammer?
Bartender: Well, no i don't have a .......
Duck: Do you have any grapes?

:D :D :D

Variant
 

Mitch

I like that one a lot. All the best jokes have either social sensibilities or prejudice built in, and/or the humour is pychological.

My version, same joke, different setting.

Paddy the Irishman, Paddy the Englishman and Paddy the Frenchman have been arrested on the streets of Paris during the French Revolution for being far too well dressed. Short court appearance, and off to visit Mme le Guillotine.

They are offered the choice of seeing the blade or seeing the bucket. First up, Paddy the Frenchman says "I am innocent, I do not want to see injustice coming my way." He is placed face down, lever pulled, nothing happens. Crowd goes Ooooohhh, and the MC says "This man must be innocent, he is free!"

Paddy the Englishman says, "I also am innocent, I refuse to look up to my doom" Lever pulled, same result, he also is freed.

Paddy the Irishman says "I am as innocent as these, and have nothing to fear, I will face the blade" He is lowered into place facing the heavy blade. Crowd is very quiet. Just as the lever is due to be pulled, Paddy the Irishman says "Hold on boys!, I think I see what's been catching that lever!!"

Eh????Eh??:D :D

Joe:)

One for the road
 

A traveling salesman is negotiating the back roads of West Virginia when he rounds a turn on the dirt road and confronts a GIGANTIC mud puddle. Befuddled by the puddle, and leary to cross it, he spys a local farmer working on his tractor nearby. Rolling down the window, the salesman addresses the farmer..."Sir, is it safe for me to drive through that puddle?" The farmer, looking up from his work replies..."Shure!" (pronounced "shower") The salesman drives forward and into the muddy puddle.....and the car completely disappears. A few moments later, the salesman surfaces...coughing and spewing...and swims over to the edge of the puddle where he pulls himself out with great difficulty. Gasping for breath, the salesman turns to the farmer, and with no small amount of anger in his voice said.."I thought you said it was OK to cross that thing!" The farmer, who has observed all this with genuine puzzlement, scratches his head and replies...

" I don't understand it! ( He then holds his palm at waist level)
It only came up to here on the ducks!"
:rolleyes: Don

Ca$h-

Wrong thread :D

I almost did the same thing..

-a

As a civil service employee of the US Dept of Defense I found this one...amusing.

A guy walks into a bar wearing a trench coat and carrying a bucket of cow manure. He justs stands in the middle of the bar for awhile, then pulls out a shotgun from under his coat, tosses the manure bucket in the air and blasts it before walking out.

A week later he walks in again, same scenario. Bartender goes up to him and says, "Hold on buddy. What's up with you? We just got the place cleaned up from last week!"

The guy replies, "I'm just preparing for a Government job. You know, stand around, shoot the sh%t, then go home."

lol...yeah they're all old but I still laugh at them :)

OK.... Bill Clinton, a rabbi wearing a black trench coat, a priest with a diamond tongue stud & a frog walked into...actually the frog hopped, into a medieval gay bar. There was duck behind the bar eating grapes. The rabbi opened his trench coat, pointed to the guilotine in the corner of the bar, turned to Clinton and said, "Oy, I tink .... Oh, crap. You heard it?

Nevermind.

Ron.