Basic rules for driving in Sydney Australia...
 

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Sydney Driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave any distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

8. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

9. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.

10. Learn to swerve abruptly. Sydney is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to the RTA, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

11. It is traditional in Sydney to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

12. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

13. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

14. Remember that the goal of every Sydney driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

15. Real Sydney women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75 k/ph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

16. Real Sydney men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 75k/ph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

17. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

18. There is a common held belief in Sydney that highspeed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front.

19. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because they have better brakes.

20. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always find a detour around Mt Druitt, Lakemba, Punchbowl and Cabramatta.

21. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way street.

22. It's O.K when driving in Sydney's Western suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "ars.ehole". But it is imperative you are driving a turbo charged 5 litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.



Now ... this IS a joke *grin* Just thought I should point that out ...

Thanks Countess

Some of those are precious.

Here in Ireland, we have another variety, the ones who hold up the overtaking lane at 50-65 mph. Their logic concludes you would have to drive faster than the national limit of 70 to get past them, so why should they pull over?

To compensate for these guys[ yes, nearly all men] we have the undertakers, the ones who go into the inner lane to pass, only of course after a full second and a half of delay has happened.

You have seen cars for sale with an "unused spare"? We have those, but many many more with an unused indicator switch. It is quite common to click on the indicator with the turn of the wheel. Any sooner, they will all guess what you are about to do, or maybe pull out of a junction or driveway, and add to the congestion.

We have many other types. One of the worst would be the BMW [usually] or Mercedes [sometimes] driver who feels it is his right to occupy the outer lane on a motorway or dual carriageway because it is the "fast" lane and he is driving a "fast" car. Yes, "he" implies men again, usually older business men who understand there is no point in being arrogant if you don't show it.

I once had to undertake the above type who was in a BMW 5 series, turned off three miles ahead, and he was still cruising down the empty motorway in the "fast" lane as I crossed the flyover.

Joe:D